01-03-2012, 06:02 PM
Hey old and new, long time no chat... wondered if you could help?
I'm dating the same guy from 5 years, same place, same situation, more commitment; only lately one thing is really eating me up -
how do you deal with an excessively negative or 'downer' as a partner?
I can't count now the amount of times I've been in a good mood, happy, or productive, and within the space of a 10 minute phonecall or 30 minute online chat I feel frustrated and awful through absorbing his problems and attitudes, often over the most trifling things.
We all have hard times and I am always there to support him, however lately I'm starting to feel more and more like an emotional dumping ground. He can't find work, has little money and no family support, and I understand how that can impact on you. fact is he doesn't open up about what's wrong, blames the world, the system; anything but the fact he wallows in his own self-pity and lethargy. It's really at the point now where I start to think "god, what now..." and hold the phone away from my ear while he passionately rants about a lady who bumped into him or how his bank did something wrong.
I wouldn't mind but it's starting to have an affect on how I view the world and myself, and it's sad that someone I love is actually pushing me away emotionally, perhaps without even meaning to. I give him a lot of love and support, as much as I can give, but it's never enough.
When we are together he is lovely and very sweet. When we're apart he's an absolute nightmare, like he just can't handle his own life or emotions, and normally I'm the one getting texted or asked to chat on MSN.
I'd honestly love it if he just broke down and let it all out, why he acts the way he does, how he's feeling, his worries; but it never comes. Just stoney silence, attitude, and negative smalltalk like I'm some guy he met in an elevator :confused:
all this and he wants us to move in together and get a civil partnership. I imagine the rest of my life like this and it really scares me, always having to accomodate these moods when I feel good or productive. I love him a lot, but all of the above -_-
I'm dating the same guy from 5 years, same place, same situation, more commitment; only lately one thing is really eating me up -
how do you deal with an excessively negative or 'downer' as a partner?
I can't count now the amount of times I've been in a good mood, happy, or productive, and within the space of a 10 minute phonecall or 30 minute online chat I feel frustrated and awful through absorbing his problems and attitudes, often over the most trifling things.
We all have hard times and I am always there to support him, however lately I'm starting to feel more and more like an emotional dumping ground. He can't find work, has little money and no family support, and I understand how that can impact on you. fact is he doesn't open up about what's wrong, blames the world, the system; anything but the fact he wallows in his own self-pity and lethargy. It's really at the point now where I start to think "god, what now..." and hold the phone away from my ear while he passionately rants about a lady who bumped into him or how his bank did something wrong.
I wouldn't mind but it's starting to have an affect on how I view the world and myself, and it's sad that someone I love is actually pushing me away emotionally, perhaps without even meaning to. I give him a lot of love and support, as much as I can give, but it's never enough.
When we are together he is lovely and very sweet. When we're apart he's an absolute nightmare, like he just can't handle his own life or emotions, and normally I'm the one getting texted or asked to chat on MSN.
I'd honestly love it if he just broke down and let it all out, why he acts the way he does, how he's feeling, his worries; but it never comes. Just stoney silence, attitude, and negative smalltalk like I'm some guy he met in an elevator :confused:
all this and he wants us to move in together and get a civil partnership. I imagine the rest of my life like this and it really scares me, always having to accomodate these moods when I feel good or productive. I love him a lot, but all of the above -_-
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
