01-16-2012, 10:05 AM
Hi all,
I guess to start I in my upper 30s in a committed relationship. We were civil unioned 3 years ago and have been together 10 years.
I'm basically looking to find someone to chat with that is in a similar situation. Basically someone who also needs someone to discuss relationship issues openly & that is sincerely looking for someone else talk to when needed.
I guess being a public forum I need to share my situation carefully. I guess the jist of my situation is that I have been in this relationship for 10 years. My partner is significantly younger than I am. When we first got together I chalked up his immaturity to his age. But 10 years later it hasn't gotten better, but worse (at least it seems that way). We are constantly fighting. We hardly have a conversation without my getting annoyed and yelling. One of the biggest reasons we hit it off is because I freely admit that I am "young at heart." I am 40 but still act like at 20 year old - but can act my age when I need to. The problem with my partner is that he can't act his age when needed. He still acts like an immature 16 year old.
I am a very private, don't have to answer to anyone type person. I understand that in a relationship you are supposed to share with your partner, but not to the point I need to say who I am talking to every time I pick up the phone, having someone staring over my shoulder every time I am texting someone or writing an email or messaging on Facebook. When I get out of bed, I shouldn't have to say I am going to the bathroom. That when we are out somewhere and a hot guy walks by we immediately get into a fight because I checked him out. And I note that he checks guys out all of the time, to the point that several times he has almost gotten into car accidents staring at guys.
Our friends all complain about how much we fight in front of them - because of the above issues. And as much as I try, I cannot let someone get away with making me look stupid. And he doesn't know how to just let it drop. If I say "Not here," that should be the end. But instead it's "But why?" "Why are you being like that?" "Why?" I feel like I am dealing with a 2 year old that I just said he couldn't have a cookie.
He has no concept of money. Fun comes before bills. I admit that sometimes I am that way, but I make sure the mortgage is caught up and the car is paid and the electric stays on. He will blow every dime we have on junk and then have our house foreclosed on. It has happened twice now.
It has gotten to the point that I would rather lock myself up in another room watching tv or whatever than sit with him. Sex is not even there. And that is huge being that I am ready for sex 24/7/365.
I didn't come out of the closet until a year before we got together. I dated a few guys, all of which turned out to be complete jerks. We got together a year later and have been together since. Prior to coming out I never did anything with men so I never really got to sow my wild oats.
About a year and a half ago, when things were almost at the plateau of our problems, I started talking to a coworker who was in a similar situation. After a few weeks of talking we ended up taking things to another level and we messed around a little bit. Afterwards we both decided it was something we couldn't do again. But the sad thing was that I didn't even feel guilty about it. Mostly because it had been forever since I was with someone that I wanted to be with.
Since then I have done some not so proud things, mainly making up fake profiles online and chatting with other guys, and sometimes in really dishonest ways (like talking to straight guys pretending to be a girl). What has ended up happening is that I talk to these guys and instead of just getting some kicks out of it, I am finding more and more how unhappy I am in my own relationship. How much I miss the romance, the fun we used to have. Simple things like someone to cuddle up with and watch a movie or a tv show. Making out for hours, with or without having sex. Having passion in our sex life instead of "it's a chore I have to do." Other than the one "affair" above, I have not actually been with anyone else.
So now the million dollar question? Why don't I leave him? Because its not as simple as get up and walk away. We own property together, we have a ton of debt together, I am a part of his family (that his family sometimes seem to love me more than him). Almost all of my friends are his friends. And on the legal end of it, he has a lawyer in his family that should I walk away would destroy me financially.
So I guess basically I was hoping that maybe I could find someone in a similar situation that I could just talk to about things. Basically a shoulder to cry on when needed and that I can be the same for them. So if anyone out there in cyberland is looking for a chat buddy, hit me up. And as mean as this sounds, I am trying to find someone between the ages of 20 & 40. And I ask that you please respect this. It's nothing personal but I really do not relate well to people older than I am at all. Hope to hear from someone.
I guess to start I in my upper 30s in a committed relationship. We were civil unioned 3 years ago and have been together 10 years.
I'm basically looking to find someone to chat with that is in a similar situation. Basically someone who also needs someone to discuss relationship issues openly & that is sincerely looking for someone else talk to when needed.
I guess being a public forum I need to share my situation carefully. I guess the jist of my situation is that I have been in this relationship for 10 years. My partner is significantly younger than I am. When we first got together I chalked up his immaturity to his age. But 10 years later it hasn't gotten better, but worse (at least it seems that way). We are constantly fighting. We hardly have a conversation without my getting annoyed and yelling. One of the biggest reasons we hit it off is because I freely admit that I am "young at heart." I am 40 but still act like at 20 year old - but can act my age when I need to. The problem with my partner is that he can't act his age when needed. He still acts like an immature 16 year old.
I am a very private, don't have to answer to anyone type person. I understand that in a relationship you are supposed to share with your partner, but not to the point I need to say who I am talking to every time I pick up the phone, having someone staring over my shoulder every time I am texting someone or writing an email or messaging on Facebook. When I get out of bed, I shouldn't have to say I am going to the bathroom. That when we are out somewhere and a hot guy walks by we immediately get into a fight because I checked him out. And I note that he checks guys out all of the time, to the point that several times he has almost gotten into car accidents staring at guys.
Our friends all complain about how much we fight in front of them - because of the above issues. And as much as I try, I cannot let someone get away with making me look stupid. And he doesn't know how to just let it drop. If I say "Not here," that should be the end. But instead it's "But why?" "Why are you being like that?" "Why?" I feel like I am dealing with a 2 year old that I just said he couldn't have a cookie.
He has no concept of money. Fun comes before bills. I admit that sometimes I am that way, but I make sure the mortgage is caught up and the car is paid and the electric stays on. He will blow every dime we have on junk and then have our house foreclosed on. It has happened twice now.
It has gotten to the point that I would rather lock myself up in another room watching tv or whatever than sit with him. Sex is not even there. And that is huge being that I am ready for sex 24/7/365.
I didn't come out of the closet until a year before we got together. I dated a few guys, all of which turned out to be complete jerks. We got together a year later and have been together since. Prior to coming out I never did anything with men so I never really got to sow my wild oats.
About a year and a half ago, when things were almost at the plateau of our problems, I started talking to a coworker who was in a similar situation. After a few weeks of talking we ended up taking things to another level and we messed around a little bit. Afterwards we both decided it was something we couldn't do again. But the sad thing was that I didn't even feel guilty about it. Mostly because it had been forever since I was with someone that I wanted to be with.
Since then I have done some not so proud things, mainly making up fake profiles online and chatting with other guys, and sometimes in really dishonest ways (like talking to straight guys pretending to be a girl). What has ended up happening is that I talk to these guys and instead of just getting some kicks out of it, I am finding more and more how unhappy I am in my own relationship. How much I miss the romance, the fun we used to have. Simple things like someone to cuddle up with and watch a movie or a tv show. Making out for hours, with or without having sex. Having passion in our sex life instead of "it's a chore I have to do." Other than the one "affair" above, I have not actually been with anyone else.
So now the million dollar question? Why don't I leave him? Because its not as simple as get up and walk away. We own property together, we have a ton of debt together, I am a part of his family (that his family sometimes seem to love me more than him). Almost all of my friends are his friends. And on the legal end of it, he has a lawyer in his family that should I walk away would destroy me financially.
So I guess basically I was hoping that maybe I could find someone in a similar situation that I could just talk to about things. Basically a shoulder to cry on when needed and that I can be the same for them. So if anyone out there in cyberland is looking for a chat buddy, hit me up. And as mean as this sounds, I am trying to find someone between the ages of 20 & 40. And I ask that you please respect this. It's nothing personal but I really do not relate well to people older than I am at all. Hope to hear from someone.
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