Just getting anxious

[Anonymous]

I have no problem posting this without the "anonymous" thing, but I am forced to because my girlfriend has a tendency to come here and check up on what I write...

I'm Zack T, and I'm just so fucking ready for a man

I am still Bi, I am still very turned on by women, but I am semi-obsessed with the notion of being with another man sexually. I am also hopeful about being in a relationship with one.

I was having a real nice chat with another member here (who I won't name for their privacy's sake) that was pretty...nice and it did nothing but reinforce the fact that I won't be able to completely get this out of my head until I experience it. I can sometimes turn it down a bit, focus on other things for awhile, but in inevitably comes roaring back and until I finally get it on, I won't be able to move on.

I'm kinda worried about the actual act, whenever it happens. I mean, I'm worried about having an "accident" (I am a bottom and I know what I'm supposed to do to clean out but I still worry), I'm worried that it won't end up feeling as good as I'd imagined or that it won't turn me on in real life like it does in my head. I'm worried that maybe I'll end up getting unlucky and just have a bad fuck as a first male mate. I'm also worried that maybe I'll like it as much as I think I will, and end up staying just as obsessed, or even more obsessive than I am now.

I'm impatient. I wish I could experience this now, but I can't. I'm not using this initial post as anything to go trashing on my girlfriend, because despite her faults, she's still a great person and I have no intention to go cheating on her. But I also can't just end things because it'd financial wreck us. I'd be left with no vehicle, not enough money to pay my bills, and she'd be left with about the same situation except she'd have the vehicle (it's in her dads name).

So I'm basically stuck waiting it out until I either get a better job that allows me to take care of myself, or someone comes along and sweeps me away (Which isn't real life thinking, that's movie fiction).



But I wanted to thank you all here, I've received more positive attention and interaction here with you guys than I have from women my whole life, which I find funny. And most of that attention hasn't even been romantic or physical or sexual, it's just been personable and intellectual...with some of the physical/sexual thrown in Leaves me a very good impression about men in general...though, I've never really had a bad experience with a gay man yet, either here or in real life. But I know, it ain't always good no matter which gender you're dealing with. Regardless, I'm just glad to have found this place and be able to vent.