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Unread 27th September 2016   #1
sethmachine
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Default I want natural born children and to keep dating guys

Hi,

I don't like to label myself as being on any part of a sexual spectrum / orientation. Here are some things about me:

- I like dating guys
- I like being intimate with guys
- I have not dated a woman before
- I am open to dating a woman
- I find both sexes attractive, although I'm much more likely to find a guy attractive than a girl.

In the near future (5- 10 years from now), I would like to start a family and have natural borne children with a woman who would also be my partner. I don't think gender is an issue.

However, I also don't want to give up my gay dating life and I'd rather not be lying or cheating about it.

Is it possible to be married and have children while openly dating other men?

Does anyone have any personal experiences or advice to share?
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Unread 27th September 2016   #2
knickerbuck
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hmmm i dont know but women are quite complicated creatures, my experience living and growing up with three of them, you just can't "toy" with their feelings, emotions and the most important thing: trust

you see if you plan on living with a woman, that also means being in a commitment with them and commitment means the world to a woman if you are looking for a woman to live with that will not "toy" with you too.
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Unread 27th September 2016   #3
BlueStar
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You just have to find the right woman, the one who will understand your desires and as you get to know each other, may agree with your decisions. Open relationships do exist between both straight and gay couples, even married ones. That doesn't mean your marriage and the kids have to be loveless. Commitment to a relationship starts with knowing that the other person is always there when you need them. Reciprocal love and respect are what basically ties a family. Physical commitment is important, yet not always necessary.

But well, I guess you first have to give yourself quite some time, at least to discover yourself and your true motivations. Good luck buddy.
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Unread 27th September 2016   #4
TwisttheLeaf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sethmachine View Post
I would like to start a family and have natural borne children with a woman who would also be my partner.
However, I also don't want to give up my gay dating life and I'd rather not be lying or cheating about it.
Probably possible. Difficult on many levels, and not just on finding a woman, but also on the impact it could have on your children, etc.
But.... probably possible.
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Unread 27th September 2016   #5
knickerbuck
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but if you want children you can always artificially inseminate a woman (surrogacy) but i bet you would still want the relationship
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Unread 2nd October 2016   #6
artyboy
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Yeah come to my world. Dating women is nearly impossible. Ive tried cracking that egg many of a time and end up giving up as I find women so untrusting towards guys, they all think all us guys ever do is think of ways to fuck them. When in fact some us just want to take to know them. I just get bored with them.
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Unread 13th January 2017   #7
Scout
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I am also eager to have a baby and considering surrogacy. I have contacted Canadian Medical Care as it is too expensive in the US. Does anyone have any experience? Please, share.
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Unread 5th February 2017   #8
daws
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scout View Post
I am also eager to have a baby and considering surrogacy. I have contacted Canadian Medical Care as it is too expensive in the US. Does anyone have any experience? Please, share.
Hi Scout!
I am also with CMC. What stage are you at? have you already been to the clinic? I really loved everything when I came, the service was awesome, best hotel and restaurants in the city, the coordinator was so helpful. I was amazed, I did not expect that. It was not only the donation of sperm, but lots of fun for me.
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Unread 23rd February 2017   #9
Scout
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oh,I see.
I have signed the contract and we are in search of the surrogate. I am also going to the clinic in 2 weeks. Let`s keep in touch.
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Unread 23rd February 2017   #10
ShiftyNJ
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I read this and have to wonder how much time you've spent caring for children and whether you have an accurate sense of what parenting is like. Everybody that I know with kids barely has time for their partner, let alone the idea of also dating somebody(s) else. The are not an accessory you can play with and put away; they need constant attention, cost a shit-ton of money, and act out if they sense they are not your biggest priority.

Who would be caring for the children while you were out having fun? How would you explain where you were and what you were doing when they got older and started asking questions, let alone who these various and sundry guys were.

I'm not saying it's impossible; i know parents in poly-amorous relationships but this is all stuff you had better think through before involving little kids in your life. It's not a commitment to be taken lightly.
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Unread 23rd February 2017   #11
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I think it's a fantasy. You self identify as a gay male. Your posts here are all about gay sex and gay relationships. Now you kid yourself into believing you could make a good husband to a woman.
Are you sure you are comfortable with your own sexuality? Is there some reason you can't have or don't want children with a man?
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Unread 23rd February 2017   #12
InbetweenDreams
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I feel that a lot of guys have been stuck in this situation. They want their own kids but they're leaning more towards the gay side of the spectrum.

I have given some thought about this sort of stuff and while I don't have really any answers here but I can say that even recently I thought how nice it would be to end up with a wife and kids...

In my case not that concerned if it biological or not, I mean I guess it would be nice but much like the OP I have never had sex with a girl in my life. I haven't dated a girl since 2004 and likewise dating someone when you're in high-school isn't quite the same in adult life. So I pretty much have to settle with the fact that I will probably not date women at this point, between my sexuality and the likelihood that kids will be involved, it's no longer an experiment at that point. I would feel selfish for "trying" to start something with a woman and find that nope, doesn't work for me.

Of course there is remote chance that I may never find myself in a stable enough relationship to consider adopting a kid, or surrogacy... Personally given some of the rockier parts of my childhood I would rather adopt and be able to change someone's life for the good, if I can. Got to find the right guy first though.
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Unread 23rd February 2017   #13
meridannight
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Old thread but...

How do you picture all of this in your head? You're gonna propose to a female, and then (or before) go, ''by the way, I love men, and I want to keep on having sex with them and dating them. It's just that I want children, so we should have a family together''. Are you fucking serious?

Sex with guys on the side will most likely not be a problem at all. But dating? No self-respecting gay man is going to go near you either. Maybe another guy like yourself, who is married to a female as well, but just can't give up men, can't decide one way or another what it is they want.

You're building up to a healthy life there. And by healthy I mean far from it.
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Unread 23rd February 2017   #14
InbetweenDreams
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Plenty of gay guys have a family... Matt & Blue on Youtube.... It was a very nice feeling to see them both happy and having a kid, seem very committed.
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“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”

And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully


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Unread 23rd February 2017   #15
Zen
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Hey all,

Sounds like there are some very well considered comments here. I think the consensus seems to be that you have to make a decision on partner choice. Maybe I'm speaking anecdotal y, but most women are going to want a big commitment from a guy before making the decision to start a family with a guy. It may be that if you're honest and up front you may find a female partner that is open to you seeing guys too?
But she may want the same in return, how would that end up?

Speaking as a guy that has been married and with my wife for ten years, and came out as bisexual, a few months ago. My wife is super supportive, and very understanding, but she "didn't sign up" for me to now explore this side of my sexuality with guys. As someone that feels that I am truly bisexual, I'm happy to be with my wife, and I love our little family! My sacrifice is that my attraction to guys needs to remain emotional/fantasy rather than reality!

What's my point? I don't know if there is one! Maybe it's an echo of many of the other comments that you need to be able to commit to someone, male or female to have a nice life. A wife would probably not want you sleeping with another man, any more than a guy that fell for you would want you to go home to your wife. That's a lot of emotions, and if you have children, there's even more emotion if your relationship breaks down.

And Shifty is right, raising kids is exhausting (but very rewarding)! And on top of that you want to be able to please your wife, a male partner, and have a job to support your family. That's gonna be tough!!
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