GaySpeak Gay Forums and Chat


Go Back   GaySpeak Gay Forums and Chat > Help and Advice > Need Your Advice

Need Your Advice (you can post anonymously in here! - requires >50 posts)

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 1 Week Ago   #31
Cuddly
 
Cuddly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014

Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
in Private (Denmark)

Age: 28 (Starsign: Aries)

Posts: 1,595
My Mood: Angelic
Default

Sounds like alcohol.
The managerdude should be fired. Absolutely unacceptable behavior from him. Fuck the others.

As for the whole hypersexualized thing. Sex is fun. Fun is good. They should have left you alone when you turned them down, obviously. Complete lack of class is a fitting description.
__________________
Gay by nature. Proud by choice.
Cuddly is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanking Cuddly for his/her post...
meridannight (1 Week Ago), princealbertofb (5 Days Ago)
Unread 1 Week Ago   #32
Darius
 
Join Date: Nov 2014

Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
in Midwest (USA)

Age: 32 (Starsign: Sagittarius)

Posts: 1,735
My Mood: Amused
Default

From talking to other gay guys (most of whom I know only casual) it seems too many of them think sex is something that stops happening when you are in a relationship. They go for all the gusto before they settle down, assuming they ever do, and all too often tend to see other guys as outlets for their horniness.
How do you get them to see that sex in a relationship is a reality?
Darius is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #33
meridannight
John Wick
 
meridannight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014

Single Gay Man
in Age: 33 (Italy)

Posts: 2,740
My Mood: Sneaky
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin
(They're not religious but simply have no sexual desire toward either male or female.) joined the parade but were denied by other communities. A lesbian said "You're polluting my mind." Likewise, another gay guy said "I pity your soul." It kind of broken my heart to see queer communities unwilling to embrace asexuality, who indeed identify themselves as a part.

I pity asexuals as well.


And as far as I'm concerned, ''queer'' ''community'' (if there is such a thing, which I don't think there is) is fundamentally flawed. There is no LGBTQDFKJH and whatever letter you may choose to attach to it. It is an attempt to unite people based on their differences !! Do you realize how nonsensical that is? People are never united based on what's different in them. People are united based on what they share in common.

That's why queer community will never work. As long as it keeps appealing to and enforcing differences between people it's doomed and nothing good will come of it. (Gay community as well, should stop stressing our differences from other people, but instead stress what we have in common with heterosexual men -- and there's a lot more we have in common with straight men than what's different between us).

I have nothing in common with asexuals, transsexuals, gender-defying new-agers, we're-all-bisexuals-inside-club, etc. I don't belong to the same 'community' with them, and I am not with them. You may argue that we're all human beings, we're all men, and I agree with that, and I will see our commonness as far as that. If you start preaching differences I'm out of the club.
__________________
''Do I look civilized to you?''
meridannight is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #34
JisthenewK
Unstoppable
 
JisthenewK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012

Single Gay Man
in Hilliard (USA)

Posts: 317
Default

This is why i don't go to pride events. I get it's supposed to be about us being different and ourselves openly, but regardless of sexual orientation, PDA is not something I'm a fan of. Pride events (most of them) have become an excuse to act out fetishes in public. I agree.
__________________
Gay is happiness
JisthenewK is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #35
InbetweenDreams
54-6f-20-6c-6f-76-65
 
InbetweenDreams's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015

Single Gay Man
in - (USA)

Age: 30 (Starsign: Leo)

Posts: 3,619
My Mood: Tired
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NativeSon View Post
So there are several complaints (as far as I can tell) going on here.

1. Gay people are hyper-sexualized.

2. Gay Pride events are too overtly sexual.

3. The prudes among us aren't being represented.

Did I get that right?
Ding ding ding! What do we have for @NativeSon Johnny?
__________________
“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”

And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully


Blog: axle.servebeer.com

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
InbetweenDreams is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanking InbetweenDreams for his/her post...
Camfer (1 Week Ago)
Unread 1 Week Ago   #36
InbetweenDreams
54-6f-20-6c-6f-76-65
 
InbetweenDreams's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015

Single Gay Man
in - (USA)

Age: 30 (Starsign: Leo)

Posts: 3,619
My Mood: Tired
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
We'd rather not cause any trouble and just put it behind us. It just sucks because we dont go out often, because it makes him nervous and this incident will add to his future anxiety.
Pick places that are less likely to put you and your boyfriend in situations like this. Start there. Secondly, don't know how old you or your boyfriend is but let me put it this way. I am a pretty shy, soft spoken person most of the time. If I had a boyfriend and if someone started grabbing me trust me I wouldn't have to depend on my partner to keep them off of me...likewise I would be equally unhappy if someone started grabbing my boyfriend...if I had one lol.

It really just goes back to keep your hands to yourself. I would certainly call the owner, but I know what you mean, who wants to make a big deal about something afterwards.
__________________
“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”

And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully


Blog: axle.servebeer.com

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
InbetweenDreams is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #37
matty7
 
matty7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013

Single Gay Man
in yorkshire (UK - England)

Posts: 2,804
My Mood: Chatty
Default

No part of this was in anyway your fault - manners cost nothing and these buffoons and this restaurant do not deserve your money ever again , I dont even think this is just a gay thing , straight people especially with the backing of a group can behave like animals also. I can only hope you and your partner never have to be put in this situation again buddy
__________________
"when u wake up with me ....I'll be your glass of water"
matty7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanking matty7 for his/her post...
InbetweenDreams (1 Week Ago), princealbertofb (5 Days Ago)
Unread 1 Week Ago   #38
Doc
Unstoppable
 
Join Date: Nov 2016

Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
Posts: 302
Default

I think you are confusing the gay community with these assholes, they are only the 1-5% they are just more vocal than the rest. You know they are gay because they are flying their flags high.

Think about this. Most gay men arent pushy or sex crazed, but some are. Those that are, look the like glitter covered rainbow warriors you resent so much. But they are the only ones you identify as gay. You walk past normal gay men everyday and dont know it and the normal guys are the majority. Think about that and understand that you meet great gay guys everyday and have positive experiences and dont know it.
Doc is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanking Doc for his/her post...
Camfer (1 Week Ago), matty7 (1 Week Ago), MHJG (1 Week Ago), princealbertofb (5 Days Ago)
Unread 1 Week Ago   #39
Alvin
Insane Poster
 
Alvin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2017

Single Gay Man
in Shanghai (China)

Age: 26 (Starsign: Cancer)

Posts: 211
My Mood: Inspired
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by meridannight View Post
I pity asexuals as well.


And as far as I'm concerned, ''queer'' ''community'' (if there is such a thing, which I don't think there is) is fundamentally flawed. There is no LGBTQDFKJH and whatever letter you may choose to attach to it. It is an attempt to unite people based on their differences !! Do you realize how nonsensical that is? People are never united based on what's different in them. People are united based on what they share in common.

That's why queer community will never work. As long as it keeps appealing to and enforcing differences between people it's doomed and nothing good will come of it. (Gay community as well, should stop stressing our differences from other people, but instead stress what we have in common with heterosexual men -- and there's a lot more we have in common with straight men than what's different between us).

I have nothing in common with asexuals, transsexuals, gender-defying new-agers, we're-all-bisexuals-inside-club, etc. I don't belong to the same 'community' with them, and I am not with them. You may argue that we're all human beings, we're all men, and I agree with that, and I will see our commonness as far as that. If you start preaching differences I'm out of the club.
Hi, Meridannight. Glad to hear from you.

Indeed, the classical use of queer does project a false unifying umbrella which all "queers" of all races, ethnicities and classes are shoved under. At times we need this umbrella to solidify our ranks against outsiders. But even when we seek shelter under it we must not forget that it homogenizes, erases out differences. Therefore, the term "queer" is used to reinforce, rather than deconstruct, the ways in which identity and differences are constructed in terms of binary oppositions, of us and them -- oppositions which are never neutral, but are always hierarchical. The queer subject of this kind of discourse reaffirms his or her identity in opposition to the supposedly normative other, which queer theorists are eager to avoid.

Likewise, there is a fundamental tension between personal freedom and belonging or community: community is tantamount to conformity, and therefore to the (at least potential) loss of individuality. In other words, any attempt to define a unified (community) identity necessarily involves excluding elements that seem to contradict the desired totality. Secomb, a scholar, argues that one of the main problems with the ideal of community is that it is founded on the assumption that subjectivity or identity is "singular and fixed, self-evident and mutually exclusive."

For the part of "queer", Jakobsen, a deconstructuralist I assume, suggests that it may be more productive to think of queer as a verb (a set of actions), rather than as a noun (an identity, or even a nameable positionality* formed in and through the practice of particular actions)
Queer, or Queer Theory, is thus constructed as a sort of vague and indefinable set of practices and (political) positions that has the potential to challenge normative knowledges and identities.

As for the part of "community", another scholar named Nancy uses the term "compearance*" to refer to the idea of the "appearing together" (the being-with) of the singularity (or subject as we might prefer to call it) and the social (others). Community, in this sense, rather than denying or covering over differences in the service of unity, is the experience of the impossibility of communion, the experience of radical difference. Community is "a being-together animated by resistance, discord, and disagreement." Consequently, queer community is less a collection of individuals who share a common sexual orientation (queer), and more a fracturing process that enables difference and diversity and the radical unknowability of such.


Notably, some have argued that deconstruction leads us no where since we are constantly trying to break through once some sort of terms are established. Yet, I think it is the essence of always "being on its way through" rather than "having been there" that makes queer theory thought-provoking. It has the freedom of self-examination and self-criticism that allows for rapidly evolving needs. Even the action of "get of the club" and "pity asexual" somehow acts in accordance with the queering (as a verb) thought. And indeed, I appreciate that, which queers the conversation in a profound way that makes me think.



* Such words are coined by deconstructuralists. They are really into the word game.
__________________
生年不满百,
常怀千岁忧。
昼短苦夜长,
何不秉烛游。
Alvin is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #40
72jay
Simply UnLoveable
 
72jay's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009

Single Bi Man
in Somewhere In Colorado (USA)

Age: 44 (Starsign: Virgo)

Posts: 1,208
My Mood: Fine
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin
I noticed the term "LGBTQA", which reminded me of what my professor said: "So many abbreviations going on here. One day we will have this queer alphabetical song." :D
How about the "all inclusive" version I've seen a couple times 'LGBTQQIP2SAA'
Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit, Asexual, Allied

The Asexual community has a list of sub-sets too:
* Asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone)
* Demisexual (no sexual attraction unless they form an emotional connection with someone)
* Graysexual (Like bi which falls somewhere between gay and straight, Gray falls somewhere between Sexual and Asexual)

It should also be noted that 'Sexual Orientation' and 'Romantic Orientation' are 2 different things, and romantic like sexual, romantic has its own attractions (and they do not necessarily always match the sexual attraction of someone):
* Aromantic (not romantically attracted to anyone )
* Heteroromantic ( romantically attracted to the opposite sex)
* Homoromantic ( romantically attracted to the same sex)
* Biromantic ( romantically attracted to both sexes, not necessarily equally)
* Grayromantic (somewhat romantic)
* Panromantic ( Would be the romantic equivalent of Pansexual which I'll have to google sometime for the meaning of)

All that might be words/terms overload or some people? .lol.?

--------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by JisthenewK
This is why i don't go to pride events. I get it's supposed to be about us being different and ourselves openly, but regardless of sexual orientation, PDA is not something I'm a fan of. Pride events (most of them) have become an excuse to act out fetishes in public. I agree.
I know it varies greatly from city to city, but I've been to pride festivals multiple times, and the majority of the people there are well behaved, and fairly normal appearing/acting.

--------------------------------------
On the original subject:
Was this a chain restaurant? or just a individual place?
If its one of the big national chains, I think I'd send a complaint to their corporate office.
72jay is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #41
Alvin
Insane Poster
 
Alvin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2017

Single Gay Man
in Shanghai (China)

Age: 26 (Starsign: Cancer)

Posts: 211
My Mood: Inspired
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 72jay View Post
How about the "all inclusive" version I've seen a couple times 'LGBTQQIP2SAA'
Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit, Asexual, Allied

The Asexual community has a list of sub-sets too:
* Asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone)
* Demisexual (no sexual attraction unless they form an emotional connection with someone)
* Graysexual (Like bi which falls somewhere between gay and straight, Gray falls somewhere between Sexual and Asexual)

It should also be noted that 'Sexual Orientation' and 'Romantic Orientation' are 2 different things, and romantic like sexual, romantic has its own attractions (and they do not necessarily always match the sexual attraction of someone):
* Aromantic (not romantically attracted to anyone )
* Heteroromantic ( romantically attracted to the opposite sex)
* Homoromantic ( romantically attracted to the same sex)
* Biromantic ( romantically attracted to both sexes, not necessarily equally)
* Grayromantic (somewhat romantic)
* Panromantic ( Would be the romantic equivalent of Pansexual which I'll have to google sometime for the meaning of)

All that might be words/terms overload or some people? .lol.?

--------------------------------------

I know it varies greatly from city to city, but I've been to pride festivals multiple times, and the majority of the people there are well behaved, and fairly normal appearing/acting.

--------------------------------------
On the original subject:
Was this a chain restaurant? or just a individual place?
If its one of the big national chains, I think I'd send a complaint to their corporate office.
Now you make me wanna sing:

ABCDEFG HIJKLMN
OPQ RST
UVW XYZ

XYZ Now you see
I can say my A B C

:D
__________________
生年不满百,
常怀千岁忧。
昼短苦夜长,
何不秉烛游。
Alvin is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #42
deephiance
Godlike
 
deephiance's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016

Single Gay Man
in Gold Coast (Australia)

Age: 48 (Starsign: Libra)

Posts: 621
My Mood: Amused
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
@deephiance we didnt even provocatively I was wearing a flamingo shirt and slacks and so was he.
I'm so sorry if you thought I was implying that, I was actually just using an example of excuses men make to blame the victim.

You guys absolutely did nothing to warrant the treatment that you got.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
deephiance is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #43
Miles
free city rhymes
 
Join Date: Oct 2010

Mixed Group
in . (USA)

Age: 25 (Starsign: Leo)

Posts: 12,697
Default

Y'all dress straighter than some of the straight folks I know. Sound like they were a bunch of horny ass buttpokers who should fuck each other and leave y'all well enough the fuck alone
Miles is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanking Miles for his/her post...
trywait (1 Week Ago)
Unread 1 Week Ago   #44
Anonymous
GS Anonymous Poster
 
Anonymous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012

Posts: 1,648
Default

@deephiance no hay problema

Im not even mad at those guys. Ive been doing research and wracking my brain to answer that question 'why is the gay community so overtly sexual?'. CONDITIONING, think about it, younger men like my self have been conditioned by our culture to believe that gay men as a rule are over the top, flamboyant, fashionable, twinks, sissies who love shopping. So many people including myself thinks of gay culture as in your face parades, clubbing, taking recreational drugs, and blowing hot random's.

When i first realized I was gay in my teens, the only source I had to draw on was 'Queer as Folk and The Birdcage', I didnt know any gay people and we shared a computer at my house so I was scared to research about being gay because of search histories might arouse suspicion. Thats where I learned my first gay things, and they put forward a very stereotypical perception of gay men. As a teen I didnt know any better and I thought thats what being gay was like.

I think maybe some guys model themselves on the stereotypes because they only see gays depicted in this way. Maybe the guys at the restaurant modeled themselves after a stereotype without knowing better. Television and movies do so much to influence our behavior especially as children.

Even to this day gay men are used as comedy fodder, the fat guy in Mean Girls, Fancy pants in School of Rock, Ray in Archer, Jack in Will and Grace. Gay men are just a punch line for heterosexuals. There arent enough gay positive role models. Its blackface for gays, and its distasteful.

@Miles My boyfriend and I were dressed for Miami but in New Jersey, so maybe we did dress a little gay
Anonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 1 Week Ago   #45
NativeSon
Beyond Godlike
 
NativeSon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015

Single Curious Man
in Bespin (USA)

Posts: 964
My Mood: Brooding
Default

^ No, you're mad at and anonymously complaining to a group of strangers who happen to be gay, or gay friendly, or other? Why the hell aren't you complaining to the establishment that allegedly treated you so shabbily? You're okay with this happening to unsuspecting others? This makes no sense to me.
NativeSon is offline   Reply With Quote
Thanking NativeSon for his/her post...
Camfer (3 Days Ago)
Reply

GaySpeak Gay Forums and Chat > Help and Advice > Need Your Advice


Tags
community, gay, sexual

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Bad treatment from people within the gay community excalibur77 Debates 53 23rd October 2014 06:26 am
I want to be a gay man eleven13 Chit Chat 29 12th October 2014 06:16 pm
Don't try to steal a cell 'phone. in Russia LONDONER Chit Chat 3 25th August 2013 02:22 pm
Started as a debate on gay vs Christians but turned into some completely disturbing BigCub Debates 21 4th October 2012 05:12 pm
Being Gay in Medicine: Harvard Pediatrician's Story azulai Everyday Stories 10 11th April 2012 04:45 am



©2017 GaySpeak.com