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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #1
verysimple
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Default Did I just get cheated on? Advice needed ASAP

You remember the guy I told you about in my last thread? We have been going out for about two weeks now, we were just texting and he told me that he went to his friend's place ... There, they had a small party going and he had fun with someone there. He then told me that he wasn't "In his right mind" and that it happened by chance... So I'm guessing he was drunk when it happened?

I told him that I appreciate him telling me but I don't know what to think and that we will talk about it later..
I really have no idea what to think, this is the first time this ever happened to me ... What do I do? because we have been seeing each other for only two weeks and we didn't define the relationship so we aren't really exclusive or serious ..

However, on my side, I have been messaged by a few people and I had the potential to go fool around with them but I would cut them off instantly because I didn't want to ruin what I would potentially have with him and he would pop into my mind every time someone flirts with me ... I also deleted Grindr and other dating apps because I'm seeing someone and I'm not interested in talking to other people...

I still have no idea ... Should I take this seriously? Should it be something that doesn't count cuz we're not really in a relationship? Should I just forget about it and continue seeing him? Or just stop seeing him and go have fun with other people like he did?

I would love an advice right now, as I am very confused and don't know what to do? ...
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #2
Darius
 
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I'm not sure I buy the "I was drunk" defense. However, he did come clean about it, so there is that.
He must have felt the need to confess which makes me think he felt guilty, which is a good sign.
You don't really know him long enough or well enough to tell if this was just a mistake or if he has no self control. If he gets drunk often, is it going to happen often?

You would think with only two weeks under your belt dating, you should be enough for him, especially if there are feelings involved. Of course, if it's hard for you to determine what's going on, that means it's nearly impossible for us to know.
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #3
InbetweenDreams
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Oh yeah this is the duplicate thread and yep, there's a lot yet to be known from someone after only dating them a couple weeks. It takes a while to really know someone...
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #4
princealbertofb
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Quote:
Originally Posted by verysimple View Post
You remember the guy I told you about in my last thread? We have been going out for about two weeks now, we were just texting and he told me that he went to his friend's place ... There, they had a small party going and he had fun with someone there. He then told me that he wasn't "In his right mind" and that it happened by chance... So I'm guessing he was drunk when it happened?

I told him that I appreciate him telling me but I don't know what to think and that we will talk about it later..
I really have no idea what to think, this is the first time this ever happened to me ... What do I do? because we have been seeing each other for only two weeks and we didn't define the relationship so we aren't really exclusive or serious ..

However, on my side, I have been messaged by a few people and I had the potential to go fool around with them but I would cut them off instantly because I didn't want to ruin what I would potentially have with him and he would pop into my mind every time someone flirts with me ... I also deleted Grindr and other dating apps because I'm seeing someone and I'm not interested in talking to other people...

I still have no idea ... Should I take this seriously? Should it be something that doesn't count cuz we're not really in a relationship? Should I just forget about it and continue seeing him? Or just stop seeing him and go have fun with other people like he did?

I would love an advice right now, as I am very confused and don't know what to do? ...
I think you've defined the rules of your current relationship quite well. Obviously you only can decide whether this is serious or not and whether you feel more committed to each other than before. The fact that he told you gives me the impression that he wanted to be honest with you and that he realises he might have jeopardized your relationship. I don't know if that means letting him get away with it scot free or not. Only you can decide if it doesn't really matter or not.

However, I suppose, even after only two weeks of seeing each other, maybe your relationship needs further definition and further rule enforcement. You have to decide on that together. Do you really want to know every time he strays? Do you want him to be / feel able to stray? What are YOU looking for in this relationship? If it's monogamy, then he needs to know it and he needs to assess whether he thinks he can do it and whether he thinks you are worth giving up all fun with others for.

Other than that, do you think you can handle a relationship in which you both have the latitude to go and seek sexual gratification with other men or even couples or groups? If so, what is the rule in terms of self protection? (which ultimately means protecting your current and usual partner-s too).

If you go for a time of probation (ie a time during which, maybe a few weeks, or a few months, you can have adventures outside your relationship, then these rules need to be applied too, obviously. It would be a good idea to let him know that this situation has left you confused because it is an issue about 'trust'. So basically, if you set some rules between you, are you going to be able to trust him? And he you? Remember that the more freedom you afford him (but that means affording you the same freedom, of course), the less likely he is to throw away a good situation if that's what you currently share. Maybe he should try to curb his drinking if it's going to be a problem with his personal judgement? You could suggest that to him. But be diplomatic.

Take care, have fun and be aware that it can be a complicated situation, until you both commit to one another.
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