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Unread 27th January 2017   #1
Aquarius
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Default I think I don't have any close friends anymore

In all my life I always had someone to talk about the most private and intimate things with.
But now my last "best trusted gay friend", who I always could talk to about such kind of stuff, is so busy with his job, that he doesn't have the time and energy anymore to deal with my shit.
He didn't say that, but I clearly felt it.

I do have friends I regularily talk to, both straight, gay, male and female, but none of them feels right about talking my issues with anymore, especially my sexual issues.

I have no idea anymore how I should find friends that go beyond the superficial friendliness. I will try to get out more often and maybe join a group somewhere, but I just feel sad and lonely without anyone really close to me. I have so many things going on in my head and noone to talk to about those things. It drives me crazy.

Have you ever felt like that and can you give me a bit of hope that someone like that can still be found, now that I'm 40 but feel like 20?
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Unread 27th January 2017   #2
InbetweenDreams
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Dude, same thing happened to me. Right now I don't really have anyone I'm friends with that I can get real private with. I feel that if I did I would probably just have less people to hang out with and yeah people do get tired of hearing the same old crap after a while...good things or bad things. I mean I'm pretty open but I can't discuss feelings with one person, can't talk about guys with another, and god damn if I talk about my money problems lol. I had a good friend who I talk to about anything, the most obscure shit and she didn't care... but because at the time I was a big pothead, she was she, we had a falling out. So between that experience and what chronic use did to me I'm not your biggest pot supporter these days, but to each their own.

Good friends are hard to fine, friends come and go. Sometimes friends were never friends at all and sometimes people we never though of as friends were there all along.

Do join group, maybe talk to strangers. See someone drop something, pick it up, good way to start a conversation with different people.

But I know how you feel. I mean the last few days have gone from happy to utter despair to the brink of crying but never do and mostly I feel it is all to do with my thinking, how I feel about myself, how I feel about things going on in my life and I think of it all and feel like a failure, feel like I'm going to be alone and things I won't bring up here.

I wish I felt like I was 20...heck I wish I could live those years over, might have made better choices and wouldn't be sitting here but 2nd chances in life are pretty much slim to none.
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Aquarius (27th January 2017)
Unread 28th January 2017   #3
SilverBullet
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Hey m8,
It seems like your running them off :S.

But perhaps you could unload on them less often? Most people do not mind being a shoulder to cry on, on occasion, but when your a rain cloud of course they will leave your vicinity.

I always hated talking about my issues, I keep them outa sight, outa mind (think this is healthy)
typically when I do want to talk about them though people cut me short/interrupt or derail me, so I just stop lol and dont bring it up again and I deal with it in some way or another, put it in the back of my mind and march onward.
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Unread 28th January 2017   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverBullet View Post
Hey m8,
It seems like your running them off :S.

But perhaps you could unload on them less often? Most people do not mind being a shoulder to cry on, on occasion, but when your a rain cloud of course they will leave your vicinity.
I agree with that. I think that is how in the past some of my friends got a bit worn out with it. Used to me a bit more doom and gloom. I'm trying to not be and like in your next quote keep quiet about it.

Quote:
I always hated talking about my issues, I keep them outa sight, outa mind (think this is healthy)
typically when I do want to talk about them though people cut me short/interrupt or derail me, so I just stop lol and dont bring it up again and I deal with it in some way or another, put it in the back of my mind and march onward.
Hmm yes and no. I think it can be a very good thing to talk about issues. Just not all the time to the same people or asking the same questions over and over and expecting some kind of miracle advice. I think it can be good to discuss things to get different perspectives and see in some cases that hey I thought I was kind of screwed up but by talking to people I learned that most people have a problem with XYZ too and now I feel better now that I'm not alone with XYZ. That kind of thing. Dwelling on it though, no that's not healthy.

As for me, I whine a little less than I used to in person... I do bitch on GS a lot and I feel that too bad be a bit unhealthy. Thought about leaving GS a few times because I do get depressed a lot and can spiral down worse by trying to post about how I feel... and seems posting about how I feel just causes more trouble. Not sure what really is going on with me, I asked my sister if she thinks I ought to be on medication and well the ultra short version was, "life sucks" lol I have to say that much of life is kind of meh, then there are little parts that make it worthwhile and other parts not so much.... Somewhere in there I have to be a better judge and frankly could just stop thinking the way I do about certain things.
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Aquarius (29th January 2017)
Unread 28th January 2017   #5
Bookworm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
But now my last "best trusted gay friend", who I always could talk to about such kind of stuff, is so busy with his job, that he doesn't have the time and energy anymore to deal with my shit.
He didn't say that, but I clearly felt it.
If you have been close friends for sometime I'm sure the friendship can be salvaged if you focus your energies into it, and feel that it's worth it.

From reading what you wrote it would seem that he is always the one you are leaning on rather than vice versa, and it's sounding a little one-sided. I could be wrong here?

Try taking the friendship back to basics, so to speak, and engage more with what he's up to in his life, putting all baggage aside for the moment. Let him know you're not just getting in touch to off-load problems etc but have an active interest in his well being too.

Steering it back to a more balanced friendship may take time and you should focus on those positives that you were mentioning in your other thread where you listed your interests and goals. Show him that you are trying to improve certain aspects of your life. It may bring some renewed impetus to your friendship.

Hope things work out
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Aquarius (29th January 2017)
Unread 29th January 2017   #6
Aquarius
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Thanks guys. I am quite sure that it all became a bit too much for some of my friends.
It's a good advice to not avoid them per se, but to avoid bringing up my issues for a while.
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Unread 29th January 2017   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
Thanks guys. I am quite sure that it all became a bit too much for some of my friends.
It's a good advice to not avoid them per se, but to avoid bringing up my issues for a while.
Just don't crazy with it. One of the things I used to do when I was in my 20's was complain about the same thing over and over... which was usually due to me being single, or not having other friends and boo hoo. What I did finally learn is that most people don't have a lot of friends. Very few people have a lot of friends and they often feel just as lonely as I do, because when you have a lot of friends, how deep do you think those friendships are? Most aren't much beyond being acquaintances. I mean that just what I have seen. So yeah I still get lonely, I still wine occasionally. I still get depressed and that is something I will probably battle with for some time.

So while looking at all the advice don't beat yourself up either.
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Aquarius (29th January 2017)
Unread 29th January 2017   #8
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Don't know what to say except "I feel ya gurl"
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