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Unread 1 Week Ago   #1
Anonymous
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Default Why is the gay community so sexual?

My boyfriend and I were out for dinner the other day at a nice restaurant. We're not openly gay but we don't hide it either, I think we both dress good. We aren't gay looking we're just well put together men; meaning we both shave everyday, comb our hair and tuck in our shirts.

We have never been part of any pride events because we feel that they are overly sexualized, distasteful and tacky. We don't want to see shirtless men in rainbow gear, that's not us. We are young men in our mid-30's and I guess we are sort of uptight and prudish.

At the restaurant a party had rented out a private room, it was a party for a gay couples anniversary, there were so many camp guys there and they were very loud and obnoxious. A couple of them approached my boyfriend and I, and just bluntly asked us if we wanted to have a 4-way. I thought to myself "What a complete lack of class" so I told the guy to get up and leave our table. They didn't leave and instead started asking my boyfriend to go with them and leave me. My boyfriend is a very sweet and timid guy and he doesn't like telling people off, but I could tell he was very uncomfortable. I kept asking them to leave, then on of the guys nibbled his ear and started to feel him up. I was done, I grabbed one of the guys by his shirt collar and dragged him away from my table and my boyfriend got behind me. I got very angry a shoved one of them on his ass.

The restaurant manager came over and I told him what happened and he said "If you don't want it, you shouldn't dress that way, and bring boys that look like him with you",
pointing at my boyfriend, the restaurant manager was also clearly a a flamer. Everyone from the anniversary party came out and gave us a hard time and we were asked to to leave.

My boyfriend has a heart condition and the whole incident got him so excited we had to go home early and he was so tired that he went to bed at 7pm.

I was wearing slacks and a nice Cuban shirt, its not like was was wearing chaps a g-string and biker gear. Dressed like what? Why are gay people so hyper sexual?
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #2
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the whole gay community sucks actually. I mean like idk I wouldnt be surprised if someone would ask me for a threesome or whatever.

I can remember when I first went to a gay club with some gay friends and i got questions from gay men like do you want a threesome and i was like what the f'ck ?????????????? and now im like ''oh that kind of a guy''
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #3
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I wouldn't be surprised if the manager was friends with the anniversary party that was there.

The behavior towards you was rude. Once you made it clear their advances were unwanted, they ought to have left you alone.

A lot of the behavior of the "gay community" is based on breaking social norms, so seeing this kind of crassness is to be expected, even when it's unwelcome.

Another aspect is the herd/hive mentality. Everyone "they" know is like that, so they expect all gay men to act the same way.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #4
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I feel angry just reading it.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #5
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That is what makes me wonder if the gay community has reached a point where they "break social norms for the sake of breaking." What they did to you served nothing positive in terms of the gay pride (even such term "gay pride" puzzles me since, although it has its historical connotation about deconstructing hetero-centricism, I tend to think that there is nothing to be ashamed of, nor to be proud of. We are who we are. Nothing more, nothing less. Am I being too ideal? ).

Everyone, either gay or straight or whoever, should at least show some respect to others. They should leave you alone once you made yourself understood.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #6
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Mostly, because we're men. With women, you need to pretend you're romantic and what not because they easily get offended. They want courtship, love and shit like that. Men do not care for that stuff as much as women, they mostly want to get to the "fun" part. Do you think straight men are not as sexual as gay men, do you think they care about "love" more than we do? You're believing a lie because they crave sex as much as we do, they just can't have it so easily because women are very demanding...men on the other hand are more sex driven, thus more likely to have sex whenever they get the chance. A gay chub daddy can find a horny twink in no time, a straight one will have a much harder time finding an attractive young woman eager to suck a stranger off. But rest assured if he did find one, he wouldn't think twice to hook up with her. This has nothing to do with being gay or straight, just with being male.

There's also the hostile environment. Recently there's been an increasing tolerance towards the lgbt community, but there are still many countries where being gay is punishable by death or jail. Even where it is not punished by the law, you're likely to face some kind of discrimination based on your unconventional sexual orientation, like being rejected, refused a service, fired, insulted, threatened, even assaulted. You sure as hell can't go around and flaunt your sexuality, share it with the world like straight people do. You can't just hold your boyfriend's hands everywhere, or kiss him in public without some kind of fear or concern, you don't just go around and say "I have a boyfriend" without thinking about the consequences. There are exceptions, there are gay couples who do this in public and live a happy life, but it takes courage and/or luck. All this makes relationships kind of difficult to carry on...how can you enjoy a walk in the park, a dinner together in a restaurant, if you're afraid that your homophobic father might see you and disown you, that your colleagues might start making bad jokes about you, that you might meet a crazy bastard who's going to try and break your nose. There will be those who say "wtf u saying I do dis all the time and no prob" well good for them, but I keep reading about gay couples/individuals having all kinds of problems every day, and I'm talking about Europe and America, not Russia or Saudi Arabia. Obviously you're not bound to have all these problems, but the risk is there and it weighs heavily on the mind. For some couples it literally comes down to being nothing more then friends out in the open, and only take out their masks when they go home, where they can actually do what boyfriends do. And how the fuck can you live a relationship between four walls? It gets old very fast. Given all this, I'm not surprised or shocked if a closeted gay man doesn't want to pursue a relationship, and I think it's understandable that some guys go "fuck it, I'll just have some sex".

So in short, while I agree that gay men are generally more sexual, I think there are valid reasons for it. They're just being honest males, and it's not like they can do much else with a boyfriend.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #7
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It's all evolution baby.

Sperm is nutritionally cheap to produce and getting a women pregnant does not significantly reduce a man's chances of survival. Eggs however are very expensive to make and being pregnant is obviously historically extremely risky for a women.

So for men the best evolutionary strategy is to put it about as often as possible but women need to carefully select partners to ensure they'll receive maximum support after conception.

In short men are the sexually aggressive gender. You get a culture with nothing but men and you're damn right it's going to be dripping with sex, it's how males in most species are programmed and primate males are especially frisky.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #8
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Well they honestly upset us, and I dont think that is at all true, that men just want sex. Had my boyfriend been so forward when we first started dating, I wouldnt have taken further. We are civilized men not savages, if they just want to fuck everything like animals they'd ought to burn their clothes and live in the forest.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #9
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Saying that "men just want sex" is wrong, it's not an universal law that holds true in every single case...but it's no secret that men are generally much more sex driven than women. As tiger said, it's our nature.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #10
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If I was you, I may have taken things further than you did. I also feel that the manager knew at least someone at the party.

As far as your other question, what is the "mainstream gay community," but one giant fetishfest... Is sad, but I don't have an idea as to what you could have done, beside your BF maybe speaking up and telling the douche off. I realize that he isn't the type to do that, but are some days when it becomes necessary to do that...

If he really wanted to take things beyond necessity, he coulda called the cops and told them that he was sexually assaulted, which by definition is true; unwanted (sexual) touching after having asked repeatedly for a 3 way...

Just an opinion from someone who is somewhat new to the "gay" community, as never dated a guy, but have traded off oral with a dude as a DEEP, FAST dive into the community, SO...
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #11
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I was really bothered by how they treated my boyfriend. He isnt very good at social situations he gets extremely uncomfortable around strangers. Im the only boyfriend he has had and he really doesnt have friends, he actually works from home. He barely talks even to me, sometimes only a few short sentences a day. He relies on me to help take care of him like doing the shopping and things like that. When we go out on a date night its very special, after this its going to be a while before he goes out again. Most nights we stay in. I just completely lost my head when they started touching him. Im not a violent type usually.

I just dont get why so many gay men feel the need to be loud in-your-face types. It just seems so over the top I think they do more harm than good for gay people overall. To me it seems so fake, these personas so many guys create.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #12
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I feel bad that this happened to you. Fair play to you standing your ground.

It sounds like you and your man are a couple of regular guys in a normal relationship that just want to live your life happily, you just happen to be gay.

I remember when I was younger getting approached by horny guys- outside bars, which was ok, they were drunk. But it happened in places that I didn't know we're cruising grounds or in public toilets- that kind of pissed me off and I think helped keep me in the closet as I honestly felt like being gay came down to a sex act rather than being equated with a healthy, normal relationship.

I was talking with someone recently and he said that the overly sexualized behaviour is a throwback to when being gay was either frowned upon or even illegal- men craving this contact could only have sex as a relationship was out of the question.

Maybe given time this will improve, but it will take time, being gay being illegal is still living memory for many people, and still being stigmatized in memory for many more.

Maybe I'm just rambling. Hope I make sense.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen View Post
I feel bad that this happened to you. Fair play to you standing your ground.

It sounds like you and your man are a couple of regular guys in a normal relationship that just want to live your life happily, you just happen to be gay.

I remember when I was younger getting approached by horny guys- outside bars, which was ok, they were drunk. But it happened in places that I didn't know we're cruising grounds or in public toilets- that kind of pissed me off and I think helped keep me in the closet as I honestly felt like being gay came down to a sex act rather than being equated with a healthy, normal relationship.

I was talking with someone recently and he said that the overly sexualized behaviour is a throwback to when being gay was either frowned upon or even illegal- men craving this contact could only have sex as a relationship was out of the question.

Maybe given time this will improve, but it will take time, being gay being illegal is still living memory for many people, and still being stigmatized in memory for many more.

Maybe I'm just rambling. Hope I make sense.

You ain't just kidding, bro. Gay being illegal is real and present for many still. As for "stigmatized in memory" just look at Kindy 64's situation with his family. We have a long way to go.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #14
Zen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LJay View Post
You ain't just kidding, bro. Gay being illegal is real and present for many still. As for "stigmatized in memory" just look at Kindy 64's situation with his family. We have a long way to go.
Yeah Ljay you're absolutely right. Let's hope that the generation coming up are the ones that can make real change.
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Unread 1 Week Ago   #15
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Men in general are arseholes.

They are never wrong and they always blame their victims...She dressed provocatively, she was asking for it....no means yes....she was into it...blah blah fucking blah.

The 'Gay Community' is only representative of a very small minority, even Mardis Gras, the involvement of gay and lesbians is relatively minor compared to the the hetero's that are there for the PARTY.

The gay community is too full of stereotypes which makes it difficult for for the other 95% of gays and lesbians that are just living life and doing what our predecessors fought for...and there lies the key.

Back in the day, the gay community was instrumental in legalising homosexuality in the 1970, it was key to acceptance, tolerance and understanding in the AIDS Eighties. So we not only need to acknowledge and thank those for the sacrifices they made, but we are now at a point where this same gay community has become so sexualised that it is now having an adverse impact and is forcing people back in to the closet...I think of Russia when I talk about that point.

No means NO...it doesn't mean 'I am dressed in a way that says yes'.

You guys were assaulted, pure and fucking simply assaulted and it makes me fucking angry that there are men that think it is OK to violate another human and then blame the victim for the violation.

Stay away from all of those cunts and just keep loving each other, being with each other, supporting each other and being the best people you can. If any of those people were your friends at that venue, they would have come to your defence...the ones that did come to your defence are the ones you need to keep in your life because they are friends.

I hate people.
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