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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #1
cormeum
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Default My life as a gay in Russia.

Maybe my English is not very well though.

So like I said, Iím from Russia, and thatís a very hostile place for a gay person. Of course Iím in the closet and I doubt Iíll ever be able to come out. Iím dreaming about leaving Russia and starting my life in another country but when I think about it logically, I donít see how this could work out, because I donít have any relatives abroad and I donít think Iíve got what it takes to build a life from a zero in a foreign country all alone. The friends that I have are not actually my friends . Theyíre only my friends because they donít know the real me. If they knew Iím gay, theyíd hate me in a minute and Iíd probably get beaten up.

Not a single person knows Iím gay, I cannot tell it to anyone. I find it harder and harder to avoid all these questions Ąwhy donít you have a girlfriend?, why are you alone all the time?, when will you have a girlfriend?Ē Soon I'll be just 20 but everyone expects me to date girls. My dad is like Ącome on, donít be shy, bring that girl over, let your mum and me meet her, I know youíve a girl, I know you doĒ One of the guys I know, I donít want to call him my friend, because, like I said heís not my friend, is trying all the time to hook me up with his girlfriendís friends, like Ąyouíre shy, so let me help you, theyíre beautiful, youíll fall in love instantlyĒ I feel like Iíll run out of excuses soon.

Another guy asked me "man, you're not fag, are you?" I asked "why would you say it?" because you couldn't tell I'm gay by my appearance if we talk about stereotypes. He was like "it's just that I know you so long and I've never seen you with a girl, never heard you talking about girls, you've never shown any interest in girls" I said I just don't feel like dating right now and he said "it's ok, I'm asking because, you know, this disease is spreading all over the world, I was worried you might have caught it too" Many Russians believe that being gay is a mental disease.

My father is talking like " I can't wait when you'll make your old man happy by getting married and having children. I'm so looking forward to play with my grandkids" or " you know, son, the main thing a real man needs to do is to find a good wife" Whenever I tell him about some new activity I'm involving in or if I'm going somewhere, he's always like "will there be any hot chicks?" and I hate these stupid jokes of his about booze, big boobs and sex.

My mother is basically the same, she doesn't say idiotic jokes but still is like " a man cannot survive without a woman, you'll see when you get married"

I love nights when everybody's sleeping and I don't have to listen to bullshit. I've started to experience insomnia and I'm crying often. This forum is the only place when I can tell all of my emotions and everything I have inside but I don't want to even think about what would happen if someone found out I'm using it.

Sometimes I just wish to yell at everyone that I'm gay and they need to leave me the hell alone but then I realize that would mean the end of my life. My parents would probably throw me out of the house and I don't have a single friend who wouldn't be homophobic. So I continue to keep quiet and suffer at the same time.

Sometimes I honestly feel like Iím the only gay person in the world. I feel so very alone. Everyone is about girls and girls only. And if I told the truth to those people I know, my life would turn into a hell. Getting to know someone in the Internet is dangerous as well, homophobes are creating fake profiles to catch gay men and when you go to actually meet the person, you might find a bunch of guys instead who are there to beat you up.

Sometimes I honestly think about suicide. I donít think I could actually do it but I think about it a lot. I donít believe Iíll ever have a boyfriend or even a person that I could be honest with. I wish for someone whoíd understand me, someone together with whom I wouldnít have to pretend, someone that I could tell everything to. I have to carry this secret inside of me and listen to stupid homophobic remarks and jokes from everyone around me. Every day is difficult. When I wake up I realize I need to lie again and if I don't lie, things might end very sadly for me. I'm not sure if I want to live anymore.
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #2
cormeum
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Oh, thanks for release from the moderation
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #3
Cridders88
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Your English is absolutely fine

Even for a straight person, the amount of pressure you are getting would be excessive even for them! Not every person settles down and not every person has children, I hate how that is expected from everyone. Add to having that loaded on you and being gay at the same time, it must be truly dreadful. I used to have feelings that I could never live my life as a gay man, and would remain hidden forever, and I wasn't even surrounded my homophobes as you are. As for thinking it is a disease being gay, it is truly scary that people are still this ignorant.

It's a massive thing to set up life in a different country, and not at all easy, but it sounds like it might be something you need to do. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say we are here for you man. I am so sorry that you have grown up and live in a society so intolerant of homosexuals. I can only begin to imagine what it's like.

Keep posting here, but be careful that you being here isn't discovered.

I have to get back to work so can't type anymore now, hopefully someone will be along soon to add some thoughts to this x
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #4
InbetweenDreams
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I think the first step would be to get a passport. I don't know much about passports, I don't have one yet nor would I know what differences the process is. In the US you fill out paper work...and wait...that's pretty much it. As far as applying for citizenship elsewhere not sure maybe someone here might know of countries that make it easier to get citizenship, or even refugee status possibly.
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cormeum (4 Weeks Ago)
Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #5
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I will have to research on what it takes in various countries to get citizenship but perhaps you may research what it takes to physically get out of Russia, besides having a passport.

On the flip side I would encourage others here to post anything they would know about moving to their country...

Also tell us what country you had in mind, if any.

The next thing is to be positive that you'll get out. If you think it will never happen then you might make it all true. People who think they will succeed at something often do and people who feel that will fail often do. So start planning your moves and hey can very well make it happen.
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cormeum (4 Weeks Ago)
Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #6
knickerbuck
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Sad .. Russia is so anti-gay must be hard to live in the closet with Putin as president.. let alone Duterte! lol ..
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cormeum (4 Weeks Ago)
Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #7
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Cormeum, first thing is to stop entertaining thoughts of suicide. You will make a life for yourself, but it will probably have to be outside of Russia. I'm sure it won't be easy, but life is not easy now, is it?
Focus on the hopes of a future rather than the oppression of today. You can do it, we know it.

Also, there are lots of gay guys in Russia, but sadly they too are in the closet. The worst part is that many of them are likely to be the worst homophobes because they hate themselves or they have to hide behind that image. Be thankful that is not you.
I don't know much about sites that are directed at gay friendships and relationships, but I'm sure you can find them online where you can connect with guys in your area and at least begin opening communication with those who know exactly how you feel. Maybe here are other here who could advise about such sites.
Remember, we are here for you in any way that you need. You will find lots of caring guys here.

Hang in there, buddy.
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cormeum (4 Weeks Ago)
Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #8
cormeum
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I have a passport. Or maybe you mean some special passport?

I don't have any country in mind to be honest. I've never even traveled outside Russia so I don't know which country would be the best for living in.
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InbetweenDreams (4 Weeks Ago)
Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cormeum View Post
I have a passport. Or maybe you mean some special passport?

I don't have any country in mind to be honest. I've never even traveled outside Russia so I don't know which country would be the best for living in.
A passport is all you need, I don't think you need anything special there. However in most cases you have to get a work visa or something along those lines -- don't take it to the bank but I am hoping someone here can chime in on citizenship to countries. I mean if you wanted to leave Russia tomorrow you actually could for that matter - just wouldn't be able to stay in most cases.

Like I would want to suggest the US but eh I feel like there are better places to live for gays and here lately the US has well come off it's rails electing Trump.

I will look try to find out some stuff, different countries vary wildly in requirements or what you have to do. There's also a lot of things to consider, culture, work, language....gay friendly. The Netherlands was the first the pass gay marriage...in 2000, but do you speak Dutch? English is common and understood in many places but things like that can really throw a curveball.

Take the US, different places are more tolerant than other places within the US.... Take Asheville, NC for instance, very liberal, more tolerant people...Then you have places like Oklahoma City... Laws also vary state to state, province to province...

You might read up on European nations, cost of living, work, I think Europe is probably going to be an easier path for you most likely.

Freedoms, here in the US I can call Trump a worthless sack of shit and say all sorts of things and yeah some people get pissy but for the most part no one bats an eye, other places not quite a good idea, so researching laws and all that are all a good idea. I have no real idea on how Russia would compare, probably more lenient in most places.

I might backup here....you are considering leaving Russia?
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #10
ursa445
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In case you don't make it to get a visa to go to US or (some) countries in Europe, considering going to VietNam . we still fall behind the western world, but have been developing a greater tolerance toward LGBT community in recent years, especially in the South. I suppose vietnam is way better than Russia in term of acceptance of homosexuality.
And the cost of living here is quite reasonable
You should probably consider it as a last resource )
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Unread 4 Weeks Ago   #11
cormeum
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I'm considering leaving Russia, maybe not right now because right now I'm just a student and I don't have much money. Now I just wanted to mostly pour my heart out and tell everything I've never told anyone.
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Unread 3 Weeks Ago   #12
BlueStar
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I am very concerned about your situation because I have been through a similar path. I just had the guts to pack up and move to France.

Some very liberal countries like Denmark, Sweden, and France grant citizenship more easily than other EU countries. At first you may consider getting a visa (preferably long-term visa), to settle down on your own. Then, I know LGBT people coming from anti-LGBT countries have the right to apply for asylum in these countries (which is my case). It often takes a long time until you get the answer and eventually be eligible to file for a residence permit that allows you to stay in the country for a long duration (1 to 10 years, and it can be renewed). You will just have to be prepared to explain the real dangers that were following you in Russia.

Otherwise, you might consider studying abroad. This would give you another strong basic to plan your escape.

In anyway, your have to read as much as possible to not miss any critical information. You need to start focusing on your escape because you will never be safe in your country. Start by getting a temporary job here if you don't have one yet, to put as much money aside as you can. It is not easy, but moving on your own, without counting on friends or family, is something you will be proud of for the rest of your life. I know I am actually.
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Camfer (3 Weeks Ago), cormeum (3 Weeks Ago), InbetweenDreams (3 Weeks Ago), princealbertofb (3 Weeks Ago)
Unread 3 Weeks Ago   #13
princealbertofb
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cormeum View Post
I have a passport. Or maybe you mean some special passport?

I don't have any country in mind to be honest. I've never even traveled outside Russia so I don't know which country would be the best for living in.
Maybe a gay friendly country and one of which you speak the language, or are willing to learn the language. Although Poland is part of the European Union, it is still quite difficult to be gay in some of that country and some countries that used to be behind the Iron Curtain. You could try Spain or Ireland, or Great Britain, or one of the north countries like Sweden, Denmark, Norway?
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cormeum (3 Weeks Ago), InbetweenDreams (3 Weeks Ago)
Unread 3 Weeks Ago   #14
InbetweenDreams
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueStar View Post
I am very concerned about your situation because I have been through a similar path. I just had the guts to pack up and move to France.

Some very liberal countries like Denmark, Sweden, and France grant citizenship more easily than other EU countries. At first you may consider getting a visa (preferably long-term visa), to settle down on your own. Then, I know LGBT people coming from anti-LGBT countries have the right to apply for asylum in these countries (which is my case). It often takes a long time until you get the answer and eventually be eligible to file for a residence permit that allows you to stay in the country for a long duration (1 to 10 years, and it can be renewed). You will just have to be prepared to explain the real dangers that were following you in Russia.

Otherwise, you might consider studying abroad. This would give you another strong basic to plan your escape.

In anyway, your have to read as much as possible to not miss any critical information. You need to start focusing on your escape because you will never be safe in your country. Start by getting a temporary job here if you don't have one yet, to put as much money aside as you can. It is not easy, but moving on your own, without counting on friends or family, is something you will be proud of for the rest of your life. I know I am actually.
France... How many people speak French in France? Not sure how languages are in other countries. Not sure what languages the OP speaks but I can say sure is easier when you speak the language....for the most part anyway.

I think finding work is another one too...
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cormeum (3 Weeks Ago)
Unread 3 Weeks Ago   #15
princealbertofb
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InbetweenDreams View Post
France... How many people speak French in France? Not sure how languages are in other countries. Not sure what languages the OP speaks but I can say sure is easier when you speak the language....for the most part anyway.

I think finding work is another one too...
Well, basically all people speak French in France (except maybe some immigrants who are kept away from the rest of the population). French is also spoken in other countries such as Switzerland, Belgium, Luxemburg and Canada, to mention only those. Even some parts of Northern Italy speak French (Val D'Aoste).
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cormeum (3 Weeks Ago)
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