how do i accept myself :S

[marshlander]

I can't answer this question for you. It sounds like a Catch 22. You will accept yourself when you decide to. If your head really knows the things you say, your heart needs a chance to catch up.

I'm not a therapist, but I spent enough years in therapy to realise that talking to a dispassionate third party can help get things in perspective and can uncover roots to problems you didn't know were still growing and undermining your foundations.

You sound aware enough that your attitudes to yourself could unravel your relationship, which you seem to value. Sometimes it is really hard to do the work without outside help. Think about it, eh?

Oh, and hello and welcome to GaySpeak