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About orientation & BDSM, gender roles
#1
I used to know a guy who is very much into the BDSM subculture and he not only explained it very well but was very knowledgeable and able to cite sources. Unfortunately I lost contact with him years ago so I can't ask him what I'm about to ask now.

He said that some study or survey showed what he himself observed: that a clear majority of straight men preferred to be the "one in charge" while a vast majority of women (89% IIRC) had a strong preference for being submissive. But once you got away from heterosexuality (bi and gay equally) then it changed to about 50/50 (though people tended to assume the opposite, that is lesbians were dominatrixes and gay men inherently passive, but he said 50/50 was about right in his observation as well).

Does this seem likely? Can anyone expand on this?

I'm curious how this might relate to other aspects of heterosexuals & their gender roles as well. As a (presumably) non-controversial example, a lot of typical straight women like male alphas (some even like 'em so domineering that I suspect they're closet BDSM), and I recall how much Twilight turned me off because Edward was such a control freak who stalked & even menaced Bella at times (I even had a nightmare where Edward was after me instead). This was such a total turn off to me yet women of all ages eat it up, and I can think of many similar examples as well. I'm wondering, is it because I'm a lesbian that I don't like it? (And it's not the gender, a female vampire like Edward would still turn me off.)

I also recall when I let a guy crash with me because I liked him and he made me laugh. While I expected him to get a job I was patient and wanted him to get a job he liked rather than the first thing that came along. (Of course I did expect him to run errands and chores for me while I provided room & board for him, which he did with no problem, and he also made me laugh which I considered a valuable service.) A lot of women (typically straight) find it mind boggling that I did this. I wonder, is it because they buy into traditional gender roles where the man provides (dating back to the Hunter archetype) and since I wasn't looking at him as a mate it didn't signify that he was between jobs, or could it be because I'm a lesbian I'm "wired differently" and don't need a man to put a roof over me head (and by extension be the boss of me, which I wouldn't put up with)?

Or, put another way (as this thread was inspired by Funniest Question), do females like Twilight because they're straight? :tongue:
#2
Lot's of stuff in this post...but as for the last part... I'd guess it's about your being generous and giving and tolerant while the disbelievers are more materialistic and envious. Smile
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#3
The most famous writer on BDSM I can think of is Pat Califia (although I find his positions are often difficult for me to deal with, he once wrote a paper defending pederasty, though he subsequently denounced it as a mistake).

There's also Gayle Rubin who was a lesbian writer from the same San Francisco S&M scene as Califia, although she takes an anthropological approach in contrast to the deconstructionist subjective approach of Califia.

They're most notable for taking an approach that defends S&M and gender roles in sexual practices in opposition to the anti-sex lesbian feminists of the 70s.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf


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