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Am I boring...?
#1
Okay, so...today I went to an adviser for my classes. Before I got to see him, one of the secretaries checked me in. He started chatting with me while I waited for the adviser to come out. He asked me basic questions and I gave basic responses, but when he asked me what I want out of my major, I felt I needed to respond with a bit more detail. So I told him what I'm wanting out of my major and as I was speaking, I noticed he seemed less enthusiastic to chat anymore. After I responded, he just nodded and didn't say anything else. I'm just sitting there thinking "Did I say something wrong? How come he doesn't want to talk anymore? He's the one who seemed the most interested in chatting." And you're probably thinking that maybe this guy was just rude, but the thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened. There were like 3 other times in recent memory when the same thing happened. I come across someone who's pretty chatty and seems interested in talking to me, but when I need to respond any longer than a sentence, they suddenly lose interest in furthering the conversation. Is there something wrong with me? Am I just boring? You guys have never heard me talk before so you probably wouldn't know, but it's stuff like this that makes me very resistant to talking to new people I don't know. I'm always worried that I'll come off as boring or weird. The only engaging conversations I ever seem to hold are ones with my already established friends about stuff like video games. But not everyone's as into games as I am.

#2
TonyAndonuts Wrote:Okay, so...today I went to an adviser for my classes. Before I got to see him, one of the secretaries checked me in. He started chatting with me while I waited for the adviser to come out. He asked me basic questions and I gave basic responses, but when he asked me what I want out of my major, I felt I needed to respond with a bit more detail. So I told him what I'm wanting out of my major and as I was speaking, I noticed he seemed less enthusiastic to chat anymore. After I responded, he just nodded and didn't say anything else. I'm just sitting there thinking "Did I say something wrong? How come he doesn't want to talk anymore? He's the one who seemed the most interested in chatting." And you're probably thinking that maybe this guy was just rude, but the thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened. There were like 3 other times in recent memory when the same thing happened. I come across someone who's pretty chatty and seems interested in talking to me, but when I need to respond any longer than a sentence, they suddenly lose interest in furthering the conversation. Is there something wrong with me? Am I just boring? You guys have never heard me talk before so you probably wouldn't know, but it's stuff like this that makes me very resistant to talking to new people I don't know. I'm always worried that I'll come off as boring or weird. The only engaging conversations I ever seem to hold are ones with my already established friends about stuff like video games. But not everyone's as into games as I am.

I am sure you are not boring. You jsut have to find people who are interested in the same stuff as you. I love video games. Smile
#3
Oh I know what you mean.

It's tough work keeping a conversation alive. But to be honest, people connect with certain people, and as much as people like to think that people have 'soulmates' and people who just spiritually click, the fact is, if you don't have anything in common interest, the conversation will be bo-ring.

Nobody is 'boring', we just all have different fields of interest.

I see people's eyes glaze over when I talk to them, and so I just never talk to them.

Other people are different. It just all depends.

If I could give you any advice... it would be to, when in conversations, talk in vague, all encompassing terms, and ideas. Never get into specific things: I hate people who start rambling on about one specific movie/book/tvshow/game that they love because it immediately kills the mood of conversation. The key to conversation is usually to focus equally on yourself and the other person.


And you're BY NO MEANS boring Smile I think you make some of the most interesting posts.
#4
Aww, thanks Smile

#5
Yeah i dont thing you are boring based on the posts I see here.... Smile and I don't think there's a boring person per se..when you hear everyone's story you will be amazed everyone can arouse your curiosity

I agree on Lilitu, maybe it just happened that the last sentence you said was not really stimulating or interesting enough for the person you are talking to, or maybe he can't think of anything to say for a follow up, but it's not like you said something wrong.... it's not your problem anymore. People would react differently to your statements, it depends on the person you are talking to really...

What i can say more is that during conversations, dont always talk about yourself...also try to ask anything about him/her because humans, most of the time love to talk about themselves...
#6
Sometimes people will ask basic questions like "How are you feeling" or "what are you doing with your life", and they don't really expect a real answer. If someone ever said, "How are you today?", and you responded with, "NOT THAT GREAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE MONEY TO BUY GROCERIES THIS MONTH BECAUSE I HAD A ROUTINE DENTAL PROCEDURE AND I'M FURIOUS THAT HEALTH CARE COVERS EVERYTHING BUT DENTAL BECAUSE GOD WHY WOULD IT DO THAT AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME MONTHS TO GET MY BUDGETING BACK ON TRACK.", they would likely respond with, "Oh. Well. That's not good.", and become very awkward.

You mentioned you gave details, and gave a lot of information. They likely aren't used to that and don't know how to handle it --- as they are doing a job and want to be done as quickly as possible. I would just keep being chatty... nothing wrong with it, if you ever find a school counsellor who takes a genuine interest you know you have a new favourite.
#7
I personally just talk too much and people say I'm funny, most likely cause of my queenish ways lol, but I find talking to people who aren't really chatterboxes is relatively easy, just by allowing them to direct the conversation into their preferred interests.

Sometimes little is more, but you shouldn't feel boring for giving more. Some people just don't like lengthy chats.

I wouldn't take it personal. Hell, I sometimes don't respond to people adequately, because I am legitimately busy or don't know much about the topic, but its not because I dislike them or find them boring.

Not every thing should you take an affront to.

Coffee
#8
The majority of people who ask you questions are seeking simple, short answers. This process called 'small talk' is not about passing important data back and forth, it is a complex social insanity where individuals say something to fill the silences.

Most (not all) chatty people are terrified of meaningful silences, they cannot bear to endure the long seconds when no one is talking, thus they ask questions expecting simple answers and feel good about themselves because they showed 'human interest' in you when in fact they just can't stand the quiet.

The majority of conversation between strangers is forgotten as soon as the stranger leaves the room. There is this social pressure to pretend to actually care about a person and ask them pointless, meaningless things such as inquiring about their health - its not that you actually care about their dental arraignments (as one person pointed out) its about pretending to take an interest because its supposed to make a person feel better.

I gave you a Google search for Small Talk: https://www.google.com/#q=small+talk+is+pointless I strongly suggest you read the comments of others, check out a few sites and see what they say.

Unfortunately small talk is not one of those skills I have even attempted to master. So I cannot give you any real suggestions to blend in and modify your replies to fit 'small talk' type conversations. I personally don't bother to conform, and prefer to blast people with real communication, or make them suffer long meaningful silences.

Understand, it is not you - it is them.
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[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#9
I've had this happen in the past too. When someone asks me a question
I usually just give them pretty vague answers or short responses. The other
person usually end up asking more questions about what I just said and
sometimes it turns out to be a pretty nice conversations.

You'll find people where you'll have really amazing and interesting convo's
and you'll also find people who only really want to hear themselves talk. I wouldn't
sweat it, you'll find the right people~

A bit off topic, but I remember I was in a waiting room for my exams.
I was there with like three middle aged ladies and two guys around my age. I had
an easier time having a conversation with the ladies and the convo pretty
much flowed really well. But when the two guys started to talk to me, I had
to think about my responses in my head first before blurting something out.

In conclusion I'm a middle-aged-lady at heart, lol jk Wink
#10
I bet you come alive when talking about games and very animated talking about your favourite subject ???is that right or am I totally wrong....if you do come alive then you have no worries at all mate , you are gonna meet people especially in jobs where they are just a bit jaded like that secretary - he sees people all day long and asks the same questions then just glazes over !!!! do you think you would do the same if someone talked to you about sports or a subject you have no interest in ,, you just don't seem to answer back as much - don't read too much into it , if you are quiet spoken then try to speak with my authority and be confident....I maybe talking crap but that's what I see from your first post anyway
"when u wake up with me ....I'll be your glass of water"


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