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Annoyance...
#21
InBetweenDreams,,, I think you are right in your assumption that he is probably a "hoarder". He buys "almost worthless" stuff and instead of fixing this stuff and using it or selling it,, he just keeps it.. The test to find out if he is a true hoarder is to ask him if you can have or buy one of his worthless old electronic devices,, if he suddenly gets quiet and doesn't let you have it (or buy it),, then he's a hoarder... Hoarders will refuse to give up any of their treasures,, not matter how worthless they are..

You are also right in thinking that he doesn't have the will to change the things that are bothering him or slowing his progression in life (his job).

His parents are also playing the role as his security blanket,, and as long as he is comfortable with this present arrangement,,, he well stay where he is...

I personally know & knew hoarders and also folks who don't have any appetite for advancing themselves... They can be wonderful people who you enjoy spending time with and even grow feelings for,,, but changing them isn't something I would suggest trying to tackle... The best thing is to remain friends and see if they can change on their own...

Even great guys can come with baggage that is too difficult to deal with..

You have done so well in getting your life on the right track.. Keep up the good work...

I wish you the best of luck,

Sin-cerely,
Jim
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  • InbetweenDreams
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#22
(10-08-2021, 12:30 AM)jimcrackcorn Wrote: InBetweenDreams,,,  I think you are right in your assumption that he is probably a "hoarder".  He buys "almost worthless" stuff and instead of fixing this stuff and using it or selling it,, he just keeps it..  The test to find out if he is a true hoarder is to ask him if you can have or buy one of his worthless old electronic devices,, if he suddenly gets quiet and doesn't let you have it (or buy it),, then he's a hoarder... Hoarders will refuse to give up any of their treasures,, not matter how worthless they are.. 

That is an idea. I just don't want any of it so I will have to make a low ball offer lol. In all seriousness though, he's probably on his way to becoming a hoarder if not already. We haven't reached "TLC" levels yet.

(10-08-2021, 12:30 AM)jimcrackcorn Wrote: You are also right in thinking that he doesn't have the will to change the things that are bothering him or slowing his progression in life (his job). 

And this is where it gets interesting. I empathize with him because I know he has bad anxiety. I have bad anxiety. I know how much I hate looking for new jobs, doing resumes, interviews and the entire dog and pony show that goes along with it. Part of me wants to empathize but at the same time, I did change jobs at the right time back in 2015, I mean I was ready to just walk it was so ridiculous.

(10-08-2021, 12:30 AM)jimcrackcorn Wrote: You have done so well in getting your life on the right track..  Keep up the good work...

Thank you but, I need to do better. I might be on the upswing on getting my shit together but I do also live with my parents but there are some differences...

(10-08-2021, 12:30 AM)jimcrackcorn Wrote: His parents are also playing the role as his security blanket,, and as long as he is comfortable with this present arrangement,,, he well stay where he is...

It is very easy to get complacent. You got a job, not quite enough money to move out but enough to indulge yourself. I've been there, I've done it, got myself into a lot of debt. Ended up in bankruptcy. Likewise, I can't keep living in this manner because sooner or later reality will set in and it won't be pretty for me if I am penniless and can't afford rent. I can't predict the future. One thing though is that I do appreciate my parents more now, despite how dysfunctional we all are and all the things that have happened over the years. While I don't need to bother trying to explain or justify why I am still here, a lot of it, at least for a while had to do with my mother being disabled. The other reason is that I am a fucking idiot when it comes to money. I could have easily moved out and live on my own if I did not screw up with cars in 2015. That move there has cost me the last 6 years and probably a few more before it is all settled.

When it comes to this guy I've been seeing. I noticed that his mother still washes and folds his clothes. I can't say for sure how much he helps with other things, I know he does some things but from what I can tell doesn't do that much. But beyond that I don't have much room to talk, although I don't think I could get away with having 5-6 cars (which may or may not run and drive) sitting in the driveway, or fill the house up with console stereos and such all through the house.

Not sure what to think but one thing is for sure, we both can't be morons about money.

(10-08-2021, 12:30 AM)jimcrackcorn Wrote: I personally know & knew hoarders and also folks who don't have any appetite for advancing themselves... They can be wonderful people who you enjoy spending time with and even grow feelings for,,,  but changing them isn't something I would suggest trying to tackle... The best thing is to remain friends and see if they can change on their own... 

Even great guys can come with baggage that is too difficult to deal with.. 


I wish you the best of luck,

Sin-cerely,
Jim

It is probably more to do with the fear of the unknown, I think he is scared of the change. I have no idea what the problem is with the vaccine. Both his parents got the shot a few weeks back, I asked him why he didn't go when they did...could have got it taken care of. But now I guess he'll just be staying home next weekend.

Thanks
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#23
(10-07-2021, 12:57 PM)InbetweenDreams Wrote: So it turned out that my plans to see my sister and to go see him are on the same weekend. No problem, he's told me he wanted to go meet my sister and so on so I asked her if I could bring him... Well, there's one big problem. My brother in-law has cancer (a rare, slow growing type that I know nothing about) and he is going to be starting chemo sometime in the near future, might be a few months away... and my partner I'm suppose to bring has not gotten vaccinated. Now, despite anyone's opinions about COVID, getting vaccinated, understand it is going to be my sister's wishes and I am in total agreement that he should be vaccinated around someone who has cancer, is immunosuppressed, etc. Nor am I going to risk doing something that would jeopardize my sister, her husband or my niece's well being. So, since getting vaccinated is something he'll likely not do, I guess he'll have to stay home that weekend because I don't get to see my sister, or my niece very often or for very long. They live across the state, about 420 miles (675km) away. So I am not going to pass chances to see them.

Hopefully I have given enough context here to ask the question. Am I being selfish if I choose to go visit my sister instead of him?

Not being selfish in the slightest.

Not to get into it, but there has been a lot of arguments around this sort of subject to the point where I think he should be pretty understanding giving the circumstances. 

There'll be more opportunities for him to meet your sister I'm sure and missing out may make him re-think getting the vaccination.
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