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Being in a relationship to avoid feeling lonely
#1
Hi Guys,


Wanted to discuss about a topic with you all.

Is it wrong to wanting to be in a relationship because you don't want to be lonely? 

I feel it's like most people want someone intimate to be with them n life. And that's why many people are starting to find relationships during their young teenage years.

I just feel that most people in this world want to have a companion to be with them at old age ( i.e. they don't want to be alone at old age). And that is why they want to be in relationships.

But is it an acceptable reason to find a relationship?


What are your views about this?

Thank you.
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#2
(08-13-2021, 12:17 PM)soulfulriver Wrote: Is it wrong to wanting to be in a relationship because you don't want to be lonely? 

I don't think it is wrong to feel that way or want to *but* it may not be the right answer. It's kind of like this, you want a puppy, puppies are awesome, they're cute cuddly and can be a great companion...but you didn't think about all the dog shit that you have to clean up, potty training, chewing up things and so on. People are the same way. What I'm saying is not to just go out and date the first person you run into because you're lonely, date them because you like them and can deal with the not so great things about them.

(08-13-2021, 12:17 PM)soulfulriver Wrote: I feel it's like most people want someone intimate to be with them n life. And that's why many people are starting to find relationships during their young teenage years.

I just feel that most people in this world want to have a companion to be with them at old age ( i.e. they don't want to be alone at old age). And that is why they want to be in relationships.

There's many reason why we in our younger years tend to want to date and get married, everything from evolutionary reasons, cultural reasons and so forth, we're also horny as fuck too in our teens.

Not all people want a lifelong companion and not all people will get one just because they want one. Being married to someone for decades is not an easy task, not everyone gets along and despite what people say, people do change over time. I think many people would love to see their relationship last the next 45 years but it is unfortunately not likely.

I think people who are lonely should seek out friends, that is by getting into new hobbies they enjoy, a club, or some activity. It is also a good segway into finding someone you might end up dating. It is easier said than done but simply being involved with other people will help with feeling lonely as well as help others who might also feel lonely. We're social animals, that's why the lockdowns were very difficult for many, many people defied the orders and so one despite the risk.

Other advice I have for people feeling lonely, down in the dumps, get out of your head. Honestly, I find that being idle gives me far too much time to think about things, jump to conclusions about all my worries and end up feeling more anxious, more depressed. Therefore, leisure time, things like hobbies and just simply getting out of the house even just to go for a walk are more therapeutic and good for your well-being. Plus your chances of meeting a new friend or more are much higher when you're not sitting around feeling bad about things. Again, easier said than done. The mind over matter thing is real, it is not easy to pull yourself up by the bootstraps when you're feeling depressed, lonely and so on.

I think it is normal to feel that you need a boyfriend, a partner when you're lonely but I very much attribute it to wanting a puppy (or a cat or whatever). Hell, we might even romanticize accepting someone for all the flaws they have...until you're in the thick of things. I know plenty of people who said they felt better off being single after a failed relationship. Keep close to your friends, they're likely to stick around, but your exes might not. Most of my exes I don't talk to, even when I thought we'd stay friends they just drift off the next time they start dating someone.

That being said, I am *not* saying you shouldn't date someone, just be weary about your own motives. Date someone because you like them, because you have things in common, find interesting, cute, sexy and so on. Hopefully that made sense.
[-] The following 1 member Likes InbetweenDreams's post:
  • soulfulriver
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#3
Be careful what you ask for.

The loneliest I ever was was when I was with a guy in my early 20s who did not even see me or know who i was.
[-] The following 2 members Like eastofeden's post:
  • ChadCoxRox, soulfulriver
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#4
Yep. The best advice I ever received was "do not waste too much time in relations with someone who does not fully embrace and connect comfortably with your own authentic self."  So, I've "wasted" quite a few just for the sake of that DICK, but I'm not the least bit proud of it, nor fulfilled beyond simply that DICK. And thankfully I've matured beyond allowing myself to compromise my heart just for the sake of that DICK.

ummm Dance now I'm thinking all about DICK. Big Grin
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
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  • soulfulriver
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#5
I get you but I think it is risky because you are forcing yourself to be in a relationship 'unwillingly'. You will lose yourself in the process.
[-] The following 1 member Likes Jay's post:
  • soulfulriver
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#6
@soulfulriver

I don't think it is entirely wrong to seek a relationship because you feel lonely. Being in a relationship with the right person is a loneliness buster that's for sure. But remaining in a relationship that isn't right because you are afraid of being lonely is where you can do yourself some damage mentally and will end in tears at some point.

I think people seek friendships and relationships for many different reasons, but it does all boil down the fact that humans are social creatures (even introverts!) that thrive on social interactions and the company of others.
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