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Can I put my desires aside and help him?
#1
Hello all, I'm new to the forum and I'm really happy to see such a united community! I hope I'll fit in Smile

I'm a late bloomer when it comes to the troubles and doubts people usually get during teenagehood. That only came to me when I was going to college, for one reason in particular: sexuality.

I've been identified as bisexual from an early age, but I had ignored my feelings toward men through most of my life because my attraction to women helped me through it. So those questions never came up, specially because I had never met a gay man before. So college came, and through the insecurities one can feel about moving to a different city and meeting new people, I questioned myself if I should just be open about it to see what happens. I didn't. But I met a guy I swore was openly gay on my first day.

I think being inexperienced and insecure about my sexuality made me think the last thing I needed was to jump into a relationship. Growing up with such a secret is both exhausting and scary, so I needed a friend who could guide me through my insecurities and help me grow and mature in this time of need. So this guy became that. Exactly that.

Turns out he wasn't openly gay, but we helped each other through this nonetheless. He is the first man I've ever kissed, and I'm thankful for all the help I've got from our friendship, even though we don't talk to each other anymore.

Now, I see my past self in another guy I've met. We've been friends for some time, but I've always suspected he was, well, homosexual. He learned about guys' attraction to me recently, and oddly, we got even closer. I think he is thinking the same thing I did in the past, and even though I'd be glad to help and guide him, I've had a crush on him for over a year and I'm afraid my advices would be biased and end up hurting him and myself.

Our friendship started because of my attraction to him. I've been careful because I'm not fully out and I didn't want to spook him, so it took me a lot longer to go from Facebook Messenger to Whatsapp and Snapchat. The progress was exponential from the day I got his number.

We text each other almost everyday, and that caught my ex's eye. We're still close friends, and she says she felt threatened by him because she caught him staring at me in class all the time, that he always blushed when talking to me, WHEN he had the courage to talk to me.

I told her it was nonsense, because he sometimes deleted our conversation mid-topic and called it a day (that blue sign never came up). She says she and her friends do that when they feel they're falling for someone they don't want to fall for, otherwise he wouldn't ask me indirectly if I'm seeing someone or even bat an eye at my status.

I obviously want to believe her, but I don't have the guts to make a move and I have to think about him. He's really shy and seems so insecure, and I'm afraid I'd do more harm than good if I do this. I want to put him first, but I don't know how.
#2
Or you can just let things develop of their own course and in their own time. You don't have to make a decision for him. Just be friends. If a relationship grow between you, that's great, go for it.
Those who have HATE in their heart are HATEFUL PEOPLE
#3
Maybe you should just mention that you're single? That might be all he needs to hear to spur the conversation into a direction you may both be interested in.
#4
Just show him your wiener.
#5
Thank you all for the replies Smile

But I forgot to mention a really important factor... He doesn't know I'm bi, I'm not out hahaha only to very, very close friends and family.

I am seriously considering telling him, but I don't know...
#6
lucagraccio Wrote:Thank you all for the replies Smile

But I forgot to mention a really important factor... He doesn't know I'm bi, I'm not out hahaha only to very, very close friends and family.

I am seriously considering telling him, but I don't know...

Tell him for sure. Then show him your wiener.
#7
So we were chatting today and I don't know what the hell happened that we started talking about our kissing techniques and hookups. I really don't know how we got there.

He knows a lookalike of his made a move on me while I was in NYC, and - I honestly don't know where that came from - he asked me why didn't I just kiss that dude since he's so interested. I said I didn't have the intention of flying to NYC having a dude just as cute here. He froze, I was too afraid to make a move so I laughed.

I had the perfect opportunity. Shit.
#8
If you trust him, then you can slip it into conversation should you mention that you're single. It doesn't need to be a big declaration, and it could be something he is avoiding for himself. Seeing you speak candidly about it and showing that it's not a "massive thing" may do a huge amount to put him at ease.
#9
lucagraccio Wrote:So we were chatting today and I don't know what the hell happened that we started talking about our kissing techniques and hookups. I really don't know how we got there.

He knows a lookalike of his made a move on me while I was in NYC, and - I honestly don't know where that came from - he asked me why didn't I just kiss that dude since he's so interested. I said I didn't have the intention of flying to NYC having a dude just as cute here. He froze, I was too afraid to make a move so I laughed.

I had the perfect opportunity. Shit.

Now that you've planted the seed, water it well, and it'll grow...
Those who have HATE in their heart are HATEFUL PEOPLE
#10
Invite him over for a movie at your place, sit real close to him. See what happens next...
Cheezie pickup lines might work too.

Nice shoes. Want to ____?

I have a habit of missing huge clues. Was out drinking at the Officer's Club on base and got in a discussion with another civilian over the Supreme Court legalizing Gay Marriage. This really cute blond muscle boy Officer sits down next to me and proceeds to rub his leg under my leg. Being a little drunk I completely missed it!!!


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