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Caught Out
#1
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway."Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!""I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath thesheets "It's raining out there!""If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!"So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out thewindow! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quicklydiscovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he! could. After a little while, a small group of runners, who had beenstudying him with some curiosity, jogged closer."Do you always run in the nude?" one asked."Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?""Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressedright at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! "Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run? ""Nope.........just when it's raining.
#2
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

One: The bartender is a blonde girl.

Two: The bouncer is a blonde girl.

Three: I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Four: The woman sitting next to me is both blonde and a professional weightlifter.

Five: The lady to your right is both blonde and a professional wrestler.


Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


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