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Demanding Too Much...
#1
My boyfriend is three years younger than me, and, whilst that has raised some eyebrows, it suits us both fine. He gets someone sensible and mature to help him develop, and I get someone who exudes immaturity into my Life oppressed by the opposite.

The largest part of the time is great, and we just "get" each other so well. He's so much that so many other people aren't, and it'll be 8 months on the 28th of this month.

But, as with any fairytale, there's a problem. Trouble is, that problem is me.

His bad habits seriously grate on me. Like hang-up-the-phone/walk-out-the-room grate on me. And as much as I've tried to get over them... ignore them... It just hasn't worked. He just keeps on annoying me, without ever knowing he's doing it.

I HATE when he's on the phone, and stops mid-sentence to answer his idiot friend next to him.
I HATE the way he thoughtlessly gives a running commentary on everything he's doing.
And I HATE the way he says goodbye. He cuts you off SO damn quick! Greenchainsaw

Things came to a head - and we argued. It served only to upset him, make him feel inadequate, and send him off into promising to change and be better. And I have to admit, I felt terrible. It made me think...

Really... Am I expecting too much?

Relationships are so complex. He's so young, and so inexperienced in anything as serious as what we're trying to do. I feel like I demand too much by asking him to take everything in, adapt to it all, and fit my image.

And that's unfair.

I DID suggest we tried having a break. He cried again, desperately asking me not to.

GRR!!

Why is it all the fun and laughter disappears..?

x x x
#2
You need to accept him for who he is; partners can be annoying sometimes, but thats the nature of relationships. He sounds like hes desperate to please you! The small things can destroy a relatiohship which seems perfect otherwise.

But, heres something I did - when my partner hangs up too quickly, I called him back and said "I'm just calling to say goodbye properly this time, you dick!" and he quickly got the message Smile As for the commentary thing, when he starts up, just tell him that what hes doing is very interesting and thats why you love him; again, he'll pick up pretty quickly that you already know what he does and will quit speaking Smile

Whatever you do, don't try and change him. It'll never work; but also don't let it annoy you - do something about it which will help you both.
#3
Aye, the habits he has is part of him, and wanting them to change wont happen, as now he seems like he will act up to how he thinks you want him to be, not who he is.

I mean your 19? I think so he'd be 16? Which is quite a young age, and to have a serious relationship is a wow thing for anyone at that age, as I know how most guys that age are! (Hope I got ages right..). But I think you get that point.

Even the most perfect guy could be wrong, if one detail isnt right.. At first it may seem minor, but as the relationship progresses they become bigger and bigger.

I think you have to ask yourself, can I put up with these things? I mean when your with someone you accept the good and the bad, if you cant accept the bad it isnt fair.. Im sure theres things about you he doesnt like but he seems to be putting up with it...

Its obvious that you both care about each other, no doubt in that, but maybe if things arent going right, and you cant put up with the bad points then you do need to reconsider.. Harsh but true

Wish you luck dude! xxx
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more.
[/COLOR]
#4
Serfdom and Twazzle have given you some great advice there babe ... for me I think it sounds like a case of square peg, round hole insomuch as I agree with Serfdom that it will never work if you're trying to force him to be something he's just not.

LITTLE things, yes - they can change, and as you're both so happy with each other apart FROM the little things, then it sounds like it's perfectly possible that he can just adapt to your hating this or that, and find workarounds that re-establish the status quo, but what you do not want is for him to begin second-guessing himself on a regular basis, in case not doing so sparks an argument with you ... because then he'll be on tenderhooks all the time, and your relationship will start to lean on the backfoot a fair bit ...

Open dialogue - that's what I prescribe - next time he does something that really pisses you off, just tell him (in a non-combative way) and let him demonstrate his maturity by either calling you on it, or undertaking to change it ... and be as receptive to criticism from him as you would like him to be of yours ...

A level playing field will create a level relationship, but for what it's worth, it's Martyn's differences that make our relationship all the more exciting for me ... I love that he's a bit of a mess sometimes, and I love that he's always wet from the shower when he gets into bed ... tiny little things like that make me think "That's SO not how I would do it, but you rock" and then I give him a lil peck on the bonce, and snuggle up with him ...

But that's just what I think Confusedmile:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
#5
shadow Wrote:"That's SO not how I would do it, but you rock" and then I give him a lil peck on the bonce, and snuggle up with him ...

But that's just what I think Confusedmile:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Whats a bonce? Sounds rude :eek:
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more.
[/COLOR]
#6
Your bonce = your head my dear xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
#7
shadow Wrote:Your bonce = your head my dear xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Still could be dirty...Rolleyes
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more.
[/COLOR]
#8
Depends on how dirty you wanted to make it I suppose ... but no - I mean kiss him on the nose or the cheek or the lips.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
#9
shadow Wrote:Depends on how dirty you wanted to make it I suppose ... but no - I mean kiss him on the nose or the cheek or the lips.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

I bet you do Wink
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more.
[/COLOR]
#10
Well... I gotta say the turnout bettered my expectations. Thankyou Guys.

I honestly opened the thread simply to type it out, and get it off my mind. To see what it looked like in a tangible and readable form.

You all make so much sense, and I guess some of it, I knew already. I don't MEAN to try and change him - rather, try and understand that some things are irritating to people - but I'm realising that as I go on at him, over mostly petty things, that's what I AM doing.

I KNOW I need to cool off on biting when his bad habits start up. But it's hard.

I think I'm turning into a dick, and he doesn't need it, really.

Anyway... Specifics...

Serfdom ~ That sounds like a great tactic. Maybe a bit aggressive, but at least SOME way round it.

Barky Marky ~ You got the ages perfect, dear. So observant. And I AM asking myself that question... Can I put up with this stuff? And how important is it REALLY? In comparison to all the big stuff? Hmm.

And Shadow ~ Wise beyond your appearance, Mister S. Thankyou. Though I would like to point out, he struggles to list ANYTHING about me that annoys him, OTHER than the way I nag at him to stop being annoying.

I know... i think he's a freak too! :biggrin:

x x x

P.S What happened to your innocent personality saltybeanz?? Was it SERIOUSLY just ruined overnight?!?


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