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Gay best friend - can it work out?
#1
Hi. I've been seeing a guy that I met on Grinder for 8 months. The first couple of months were magical and then he said he'd received some difficult medical news and coupled with bad relationships in the past, he couldn't love any potential partner the way he needed to and didn't want to hurt me in the long run. He did however say that once he'd worked through his problems he didn't know how he'd feel and because I was such a great guy and he loved spending time with me, he wanted to carry on seeing each other. So we did, and have had several trips and a couple of holidays away together which were amazing, we check in with each other everyday and meet up every weekend (I should add that there is no physical relationship between us) The problem is, I have now fallen deeply in love with him to the point that it takes my breath away when we're not together. He still says he cannot ever love anyone the way he would need to yet I feel love in every text and in his actions when we're together. He also says that he has never experienced a bond like the one he has with me and tells me he loves me. I feel I cannot tell him how I feel for fear of losing him from my life - I do not have a wide circle of friends and life without him is unthinkable. Am I kidding myself that we can ever be more than friends and should I tell him how I feel or keep my mouth shut ?!?
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#2
You'd tell him eventually. Why not now?
I hope it works out for you.
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#3
If he can tell you then you can tell him.
I bid NO Trump!
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#4
You have to tell him eventually.
Besides if the bond is as strong as you say then it won't be much of a surprise.
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#5
From high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
生年不满百,
常怀千岁忧。
昼短苦夜长,
何不秉烛游。
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#6
"I can't love anyone atm because __________" is usually a very kind way of saying "sorry bro, I don't find you attractive". Just sayin'
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#7
There's more than just one type of love. It's possible to love someone deeply, to bond with them and enjoy their company...share with them and confide in them...but not be in love with them in the romantic/sexual sense. It sounds to me like this is the type of love that your friend feels for you.

What do you hope to accomplish by telling him? If your hope is that telling him will somehow cause him to feel the way that you do, then I think you may be disappointed.

Can you tell him without expectations? Tell him just so that he'll know exactly where you stand, but not expect anything to change.?

There's a risk to telling him...if you can accept that risk and deal with the possible consequences, then yes...tell him. Just understand that knowing how you feel is not likely to change the way that he feels.
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