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Getting over emotional attachment from a person you've liked
#1
I don't know where to begin.

I started chatting / talking a lot with a guy in Stockholm in December.
He's not the best looking, nor the worst. Physically speaking he's around 5/10.
However, I've never felt more emotionally and intellectually connected to a person than to him. 
We could literally talk for 4-7 hours on the phone almost everyday, talking about various topics like science, philosophy, psychology, friends and family, and emotions in generally. 
I was really hesitant to meet him; not because of him as a person but because of covid-19. 
I didn't want to visit the capitol because I know it's one of the areas worst infected with all the different strains of covid; and I got friends and family in the risk-zone I didn't want to put under risk.
Eventually in February, after 2 months of talking, we meet up in Stockholm. Although we didn't do anything particular, it was on e of the best dates I've been on, and I felt a bit sad when it had to come to an end.
After that date we decided to take a 2 week break from talking to each other for a month. It was due to studies because both of us got exams to complete; and I got dyslexia while he had ADHD and Asperger's syndrome, so both of us have issues with attention.
For me, I don't see it as a bad thing to take a break. I am not a controlling person and I believe that if anything has to evolve, it has to do so organically; and a break gives each other time to reflect.
However, it has now been 5 weeks and I've not heard him back. He has my phone number so he has the possibility to contact me back; but he has changed his phone number, mailadress etc. due to a menacing stalker he has in Stockholm. 
I sent him a handwritten letter to his adress in hopes that it would make him contact me again, but it has gone a week without answer. I know that the Swedish mail services aren't good, but a regular letter shouldn't take more than 2-3 days to be sent; specially considering that we're only 2 hours door to door by train and buss. 
I don't know what to do or how to feel. I mean, in a way we've only meet once, but we've talked intensively for the period when we did speak to each other. I was hesitant to admit any strong feelings I had because I don't want to act irrational due to an infatuation; but no infatuation could make me feel so emotionally connected to another individual. 
I've tried to use tinder to move on, but even though I get a lot of matches and people wanting to chat; tinder only makes me reminded of him which makes me depressed. 
I want to accept his decision and move on; I just miss him a lot and I don't know how to shut out the emotional response. 
I've never had a boyfriend before, and when talking to him, it really felt like one day the two of us might become that. And I know in a way, if we would become a couple; experiencing a breakup would possibly feel a lot worse than this. 

What I'm asking is this: is there any good way to remove the emotional attachment to someone so you can move on with your life not thinking of the person that you removed / has removed you from your life?
Sometimes you need a bit of chaos in your life to be able to shrug off pitiful disdain about something meaningless.
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#2
Hi

Firstly sorry to hear/read the above; being ghosted like this hurts when you have invested time into someone that then gets stopped abruptly.

I don’t think there is ever a quick fix for these situations whether it be a long-term relationship, friendship, even a fling etc where an attachment is formed. Time is the healer here. What can help though is throwing yourself into distractions and interests. I know it’s difficult at present with Covid but spend as much time as you can talking to friends/family through whatever means, do what interests you.. read, gaming, art, whatever you enjoy doing. Emphasis on the keeping up the social side as it’s when we are alone and start to think too much that these things play on the mind and feel worse.

Give it time and it will be okay Smile
Gossip is the Devil’s telephone; best just to hang up.
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#3
Being ghosted is not fun, and in my opinion, says something about his character as a person. Treat people respectfully, and you were owed a phone call with a legitimate explanation.

While you only met once, you spent some time getting to know him online, so I can understand the hurt.

My advice:

Don't contact him, no matter how much you are tempted. It will only make you look clingy and desperate.

If you have any pictures of him, move them somewhere out of sight. If you are looking at them all the time, it will make it harder for you to move on.

As @IanSaysHi suggested, get back into your hobbies and likes, and communicate with friends. Keep yourself active, and you'll find yourself thinking of him less.

be gentle with yourself. Don't beat yourself up thinking this was your fault, and there was something you could've done to change the outcome.
Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: 
''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!
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#4
Definitely doesn't sound like you did anything wrong based on what you posted.... So yeah, don't think it was your fault. It does suck when guys you really like don't like you back, especially when it seems to be out of the blue. I think the advice given is good, things like hobbies and whatnot. It isn't always easy to get over someone and never seems to happen fast enough.

It's been about 4-5 years now. I had a huge crush on a guy, he was smart, really good looking and we seemed to hit it off well in the beginning. Long story short, I got way too wrapped up in him and sort of pushed him away and it's not that I seen him a lot either and there was also someone who was sort of stalking him as well...there's more to the story but between me being head over heels and the stalker made things complicated and in the end over a span of a couple years I ended up saying things that I regretted and haven't heard from him since. The lesson here is to not to get too attached to someone very early on, it is easy to do and just as easy to hurt or to be hurt by someone. Slow down, enjoy the scenery and realize it takes a very long time to really get to know someone.

I still think about that guy occasionally and I only remember how big of a fool I was, afterall, hindsight is 20/20. Would we have made a good couple? Probably not, but I could have had a really cool friend if I hadn't been so enamored with him and selfish. Turns out I only heard him and didn't listen and didn't take in account for what he was wanting.

Anywho, realize there are other guys who you will not do this to you and still be able to connect with on a deep intellectual level. Finally, people are just strange, why they do what they do.
[Image: 848398.png]

All my stuff: https://linktr.ee/Axle0
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#5
Hi Zet,

Sorry to hear about your situation! Sad

He may have been hiding stuff from you... seeing other people or even still dating an ex.

As the guys have said... there are plenty more gay fishies out in the big gay sea! Don't give up as there will be someone genuine out there who wants the same stuff as you!

It is said we have many soulmates tuned into the same wavelengths so it's just a matter of finding them!
Note: No trees were destroyed in the sending of this contaminant free message. However, I do concede, a significant number of electrons may have been inconvenienced.
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