I know this is a weird question, but I started thinking about it. I know normally in a straight relationship, the man is supposed to pay for the woman he's taking out. What about when going on a gay date out? Again, I know its a weird question, just curious to see what you guys thought!
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Usually I would say if someone asks you out, they should expect to pay, but in an ongoing relationship splitting the bill is more appropriate. My ex used to fight me tooth and nail over every bill when I tried to pay, I preferred alternating over who paid what rather than doing the math or getting separate bills.
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Yeah dutch is the way Andy.hope the birthday went well
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Both guys should offer to pay, it's rude not to. But then you can agree just to split the bill.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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I think it really depends on the individual situation. I do agree that if you are the one asking, you should pay and if you were asked, he/she should pay...but otherwise it depends on tons of factors, like income, relationship status, relationship dynamic, and so much more. Maybe this is something you should discuss before you go out. I know it's a hard conversation to have, but it makes for a less uncomfortable situation when the bill comes.
-K
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Actually, Andy, I think this is a perfectly legitimate question... When a woman invites me out, I'm glad to let her invite me. It's part of equality. The thing is, if women were really treated equally, they would make as much money as men do for the same jobs. The reality of the matter is that they often don't. The fact that a man should pay for the meal is an old custom, but I think it's dying out. As for two men eating out together, here's how I see it.
I don't suppose it's very difficult to ask: " Are you inviting me, or shall we go Dutch? " That would clear things. Again, it all depends on the things Katina mentioned above. Another way of doing this, is to say to the other party: "Listen, I've only got 20 pounds, dollars, euros ...(a given sum which you indeed have in your pocket), so do you know a place where we can eat for that price?" That will give your date the opportunity to say ok, or not to worry since he's inviting you out.
What I like about a gay relationship is that there is some sort of equality (I know my friend the Divine Miss M might disagree with me about that = she thinks there's always a dominant figure even in a gay relationship) between the two parties.
It also depends on who's got the money. It's easier for the best earner to invite the other rather than the other way round.
If you are both students with little income, you can both agree to go to a cheap place and to split the bill, especially if the meal is not a treat he's giving you but just a convenience to get to know each other.
If it's a birthday, or some other occasion treat, then you should let him pay. It would be discourteous not to accept to be wined and dined.
If you still feel uncomfortable, you can offer to help with the bill when it comes (so that he gets an(other) opportunity to change his mind or to foot the bill himself as intended) or offer to pay for the next meal you two share, because it'll be your turn.
Another thing you can do, if money seems to be a problem, is to be very careful with what you order off the menu card. Go for something simple and not too expensive. Keep the drinks down to a reasonable price too, they can add to the tab quite quickly.
Bear in mind that some people will trick you into lending them money, and will pretend to have forgotten their credit card or wallet at home, and that it is therefore a good idea to come prepared with some form of payment. If this happens, call it a date and write it down as experience. But be aware next time.
In the end, you might find, if you have any cooking skills, that it's really much cheaper just to cook for him and to entertain. That way there's no question of who owes who what, but then, it's on your own turf.
Last but not least, if he has indeed paid for your meal, please remember to thank him for it. It's the least you can do, even if you are never to meet again. I personally don't think the other guy should be expecting sex in return.
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The question who pays the bill can go either way. If it is a date, the one who invited should pay. You should always offer to leave the tip and pay for gas or cab fare to make it a balanced experience. In a relationship, that question should not even pop up. By default anyone can pay and should alternate every time they go out. Same goes for straight relationships. when i dated women, i had no problem letting them pay etc. Its just a part of coexisting in a genuine way.
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