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dfiant Wrote:If the person being labeled as a gorilla/monkey feels that it is a racist slur, then it is a racist slur...end of story.

I'm afraid I cannot agree with that statement. The idea itself is rather narrow. Anything I perceive to be something, is that something . . . end of story? That is a positively midievil mode of thinking.

I look out my window and, despite a few rolling hills, I perceive that the world is flat and not a sphere. I look up at the sun and see the sun moving from one corner of the sky to another. Then, the sun must move while the Earth stands still. I toss some seeds and rags in a corner of my house and a mouse appears there, it must be a recipe for spontaneous generation.

No, I am afraid that I am going to have to reject the notion that FEELING (not even perceiving) is BEING as ridiculous. Intention is as important as reception. And there is such a thing as misconstruing a person's statements.

Jay, let them know how you feel about the subject if you want to remain friends with them. But, be sensitive to the fact that they were likely just teasing you and had no harmful intent. If they care about you as they should, they will realize their error and cease doing it in the future. You have handled everything well so far.
if a gorilla/monkey feels that it is a racist slur, then it is a racist slur
if a "beautiful perfect person" feels that it is a racist slur, then it is a racist slur?

as a gay man just hanging with straight male friends you have to really ask why you are there. Going to a restaurant, take the girl friend. Working on a car, install dry wall, hang with the straights.
Well I come from a different race and the rest of my friends come from another race. I don't think it's necessary to specify which race.

I'm a copper-colored skin. Yes, I have a light skin but compared my skin to my friends, I am considered as dark and tanned. Their skins are fairer and brighter.

If the tease/name calling happens just once, sure, I can take it as a joke. But it has happened three times and these jokes were made by the same friends. Actually make that four.

The fourth happened one week after I had my surgery. A friend asked me to rest instead of returning to work. She said I look pale. Then a male friend responded, "How can you tell that he looks pale? He's tanned." He laughed.

I don't mind his tease as it wasn't in-your-face and he wasn't comparing me to an ape. I laughed softly at his tease and gave him a soft punch on his shoulder.

These friends of mine are actually good people. I believe they saw these name callings as joke. But they forget to see these so called jokes from my side. They do not walk in my shoes.

It's not fun to be ridiculed due to my skin color, to be compared to ape, to be laughed at and to be humiliated in front of a lot of people. It's downright not funny. I neither resemble to a gorilla nor a monkey. I do not do anything that mimics an ape.

I believe sending them text messages to tell them how I feel is the best way to educate them. Anyways two of them have apologized.

Another thing - Racist remark can happen to any race and not solely to the black people. It's not just skin color that can trigger name calling. Some people mock Chinese for having slit eyes for an example. You may think it's nothing serious to mock their slit eyes but again, you are not in their shoes. We are all individuals.

P.S: I have forgotten the incident and moved on.
I don't know if it can help you, but I recall something a close black friend told me of his college days when he rendered a room as silent as a tomb. Someone jokingly made a comparison between blacks and monkeys while he was the only black guy there (everyone else was white) and he responded, "Long, straight hair. Lots of body hair. Thin lips. Now - who in the immediate area does NOT possess those physical characteristics?"
Sort of like reverse psychology, right Pix? Good one.

Well problem has been solved. Everyone has apologized. I hold no grudge whatsoever to them. Forgiven and forgotten. We are all still friends.

Thanks everyone.

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