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my country is very religious country where being gay is against the law and against our religion and when it comes to being gay the society sees it as a bad thing (most of them). I don't want to leave this country because I love the country (no tax, free medical, free education and etc.) and my family.

I came out earlier this year to my closest friends and cousins but not my family.

Because of this sometimes I have a suicidal thoughts. I am kind of lost and don't know what to do?
Will: If you've decided to continue living there, then you need to figure out how you can have the best possible life. It appears that you'll need to remain closeted to most people - but that doesn't mean that you can't find a partner - it will be more difficult, sure, but not impossible.

Suicide is not an option. You need to push those thoughts aside and get down to constructing a life that has purpose, meaning and fulfillment.

And yes, I know it's easy for me to say that - sorry if it seems that I don't get the difficulties you face, I do --- BUT there's an old saying that I like, "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can".

I wish you all the best. Don't hesitate to post here when things get overwhelming and you get discouraged. People care and want to help.
It is difficult indeed. However, you need to keep going. Learn to be happy with yourself and wait for the miracle.
That is what drives many of us..
Will is right. Though I'm totally closeted, I'm in a relationship. So you can still live a happy careful life in your country, have good friends and partner(s)...

Welcome to GS by the way Smile
I agree with Will as well. And I really like that saying (note to self, need to write that one down...)

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can"
suicide is not the answer. it won't solve your problems mate. draw strength from your friends and try to live a normal life. Snake

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