Help please

[Anonymous]

I really like this guys but he is str8 with a gf. I am terribly depressed, sometimes so depressed that i just want to die because it feels so unbearable. Please im not asking for help with getting him, im seeking help because we are friends but i dont know if it will be best to stop being friends for now and see if the crush goes away. so what do you guys think i should do? im in a lot of pain any suggestion is appreciated. i like him, being friends helps because i can talk to him and when we do i feel better, but its like i constantly want to keep talking with him all the time i see him. what should i do to make this pain stop or at least lessen?

[Seath]

There really isn't any easy way to stop having crush on someone, and that you have a crush on your best friend makes it even that much harder. I know what you going thru because I had crush on my best friend long time ago and it was very hard to go thru this all by my self. Only thing I can tell you is what I did and hopefully it will help you. I never told him about my crush but I told him that I need some space for while and be alone because I am going thru something I cant explain to him at this time. Then I didn't spoke to him for almost 3 months. That was one of the hardest thinks I had to do, but I did everything possible to forget thinking about him this way. And eventually I did. End when I seen him after the 3 months my feeling was different. I still had a lot of feelings for him but it was like a old friend and it wasn't a problem. So I guess my suggestion is, if you want to keep him as a friend you need to take some time away from him and basically get over him. It wont be easy but its the best thing you can do for you and him. And when you feel down guys out here are always here if you need help.
I wish you the best

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, i was afraid thats what you were going to say. I did tell him, he is very understanding and open minded. he offer to be the one to stop seeing me, i stopped him. I cant let him be the one, and I really did not want to stop seeing him. It feels almost like you are killing willingly the other person. Its grieving a lot i hate that pain. thank you so much for the advice, i see you give really good advice.

to be honest this has happened before, i did do that, and after a month i was better and felt different with the other person, but for some reason this one is really hard to let go off. and tonight i feel mega mega depressed after i saw him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Stop dating straight men (since this has happened before).

Walk away now - tell him you need a break, and put distance between him and you.

Depression: You need help with that. That help is not going to come from a 'friend', that help is not going to be found in the arms of a man. Therapy is the best place to get help to treat that depression.

I'm going to predict that once you get help for that depression straight men will not look so nice to you. Further, I predict that once you start working on that depression you will find a gay man to share your life with.

Find a therapist and work with them with your depression. Google free and sliding scare resources for your area.

It is possible you may be antidepressants let the therapist refer you to a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Stop dating straight men (since this has happened before).

Walk away now - tell him you need a break, and put distance between him and you.

Depression: You need help with that. That help is not going to come from a 'friend', that help is not going to be found in the arms of a man. Therapy is the best place to get help to treat that depression.

I'm going to predict that once you get help for that depression straight men will not look so nice to you. Further, I predict that once you start working on that depression you will find a gay man to share your life with.

Find a therapist and work with them with your depression. Google free and sliding scare resources for your area.

It is possible you may be antidepressants let the therapist refer you to a psychiatrist.

Thanks, you are being ignorant of one major factor,.. we cant control who we fall in love or crush on.

Also i dont suffer from depression, i am depressed because of what is happening but other than that i would not be depressed.

[zeon]

Hello,
I would recommend maybe finding your love for him being understood as love for friendship... It wouldnt be right to ignore him completely or to break up his relationship as understood because he hasnt done anything wrong and leaving him in the lurch and keeping away isnt the option and it wont solve your problem.. The thing you need to do is understand that friendship is all it will be.. You need to find it inside you to change this love and be like a brother instead of a lover and show him you care in friendship from time to time and god forbid but if his relationship breaks up and he cries he will need someone there to give him a big bruv hug.. I got hetrosexual friends i sometimes think your beautiful but i remind myself it is only friendship not relationship... Dont beat yourself up over things because it isnt worth it and you can find someone just as magical as him!

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Nick9]

Thanks, you are being ignorant of one major factor,.. we cant control who we fall in love or crush on.

Hi Anonymous,
I am sorry you are in so much trouble.

To your last comment. I believe we can control who we fall in love with. Sure, some men/women are irresistible for us and others do nothing to our brain, or heart. But the way how we work with that first feeling is what makes the difference.

You probably think about him all the time, daydreaming, thinking about all those what ifs. It brings you pain, but I wouldn't be surprised if you got already used to it and in fact liked the pain. The sorrow of love can be so sweet and addictive. But once you got in it over your head it can be too painful and it is difficult to stop on your own.

Also i dont suffer from depression, i am depressed because of what is happening but other than that i would not be depressed.

Exactly, and that means you suffer from depression.
Depression can be fun in the beginning. You also feel that you are in control. Just like with your daydreaming about your friend.
But that's why it is so dangerous. Someone will steal the reins from you very soon and it won't be fun anymore.

You need to trust your brain, not your heart. You need to accept that he is well... ungettable.
Try to be happy for him for having his gf. Watch his and her happiness and wish him well. Don't get jealously eat you alive.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks, you are being ignorant of one major factor,.. we cant control who we fall in love or crush on.

Also i dont suffer from depression, i am depressed because of what is happening but other than that i would not be depressed.

I didn't say stop falling in love with straight men, I said stop dating them. Dating him, following him around, wistfully wanting the unattainable, the mind masturbation you do thinking about him - you are 'dating' him. Stop it.

And you are suffering from depression. You are depressed means you have depression.

[Mrmatty376]

Yay, I'm not the only one with this problem! Welcome to the club. Lol. But in all seriousness, I understand you completely. I love my best friend, he's got a girlfriend too. We've known each other for a little over 7 years. But the thing I've found that helps is just to keep in touch. Just keep talking and just being friends. Just because you can't express the love physically, doesn't mean you can't express it by always being there for him. Be there when he feels bad, be there when he needs help, be there when he needs a friend. Love doesn't need to be limited to what you can do as a couple. Yeah, it's not the same and it can be a bit worse since he's got a gf, but just be happy for him. He'll return the favor if you stay friends. Try not to bring it up, it'll just make things worse. Everyone needs someone they can count on and sometimes that's not always taken from the significant other. Though we're a million miles away from each other, me and my friend keep in touch, we talk about anything and everything, I ask him about his gf, he asks about how things are going here. We're trying to get him to come over here for a week or so.
But anywho, there's no problem in loving someone while staying friends. It can feel empty from time to time, but if they're a good friend, just give them a call and talk about whatever. It's comforting. Just realize that he loves you too, just in a different way. Besides that, there's nothing you can do. Just be happy with what you have. Be happy that he's still your friend. Obviously that should mean something. There are times where I feel me and my friend are closer than him and his GF. It's that bond that friends share. He tells me everything and I tell him everything. We don't hide anythign from each other because we are on the same side. Couples can tend to have opposing sides, especially straight couples since they don't want the other knowing about some things they do or how they truly think. I'm happy to know that I have a 7 year cushion between us while my friend and his girlfriend are only held together by 7 months and what they do when they're alone.
But yeah, it sucks, but be thankful that he's still friends with you. Don't cut it off cause it will only hurt more and he will give you no satisfaction because he doesn't know what it's about. There's nothing wrong with being friends. Just push on and as soon as you take reality for what it is, you'll be able to find someone who loves you equally and is willing to share that.
And that's all I got. woo!

[Anonymous]

Hello,
I would recommend maybe finding your love for him being understood as love for friendship... It wouldnt be right to ignore him completely or to break up his relationship as understood because he hasnt done anything wrong and leaving him in the lurch and keeping away isnt the option and it wont solve your problem.. The thing you need to do is understand that friendship is all it will be.. You need to find it inside you to change this love and be like a brother instead of a lover and show him you care in friendship from time to time and god forbid but if his relationship breaks up and he cries he will need someone there to give him a big bruv hug.. I got hetrosexual friends i sometimes think your beautiful but i remind myself it is only friendship not relationship... Dont beat yourself up over things because it isnt worth it and you can find someone just as magical as him!

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

Thanks, i found your post very helpful.

Hi Anonymous,
I am sorry you are in so much trouble.

To your last comment. I believe we can control who we fall in love with. Sure, some men/women are irresistible for us and others do nothing to our brain, or heart. But the way how we work with that first feeling is what makes the difference.

You probably think about him all the time, daydreaming, thinking about all those what ifs. It brings you pain, but I wouldn't be surprised if you got already used to it and in fact liked the pain. The sorrow of love can be so sweet and addictive. But once you got in it over your head it can be too painful and it is difficult to stop on your own.



Exactly, and that means you suffer from depression.
Depression can be fun in the beginning. You also feel that you are in control. Just like with your daydreaming about your friend.
But that's why it is so dangerous. Someone will steal the reins from you very soon and it won't be fun anymore.

You need to trust your brain, not your heart. You need to accept that he is well... ungettable.
Try to be happy for him for having his gf. Watch his and her happiness and wish him well. Don't get jealously eat you alive.

I hate to admit it but its true, i think what you said holds true for me..

Yay, I'm not the only one with this problem! Welcome to the club. Lol. But in all seriousness, I understand you completely. I love my best friend, he's got a girlfriend too. We've known each other for a little over 7 years. But the thing I've found that helps is just to keep in touch. Just keep talking and just being friends. Just because you can't express the love physically, doesn't mean you can't express it by always being there for him. Be there when he feels bad, be there when he needs help, be there when he needs a friend. Love doesn't need to be limited to what you can do as a couple. Yeah, it's not the same and it can be a bit worse since he's got a gf, but just be happy for him. He'll return the favor if you stay friends. Try not to bring it up, it'll just make things worse. Everyone needs someone they can count on and sometimes that's not always taken from the significant other. Though we're a million miles away from each other, me and my friend keep in touch, we talk about anything and everything, I ask him about his gf, he asks about how things are going here. We're trying to get him to come over here for a week or so.
But anywho, there's no problem in loving someone while staying friends. It can feel empty from time to time, but if they're a good friend, just give them a call and talk about whatever. It's comforting. Just realize that he loves you too, just in a different way. Besides that, there's nothing you can do. Just be happy with what you have. Be happy that he's still your friend. Obviously that should mean something. There are times where I feel me and my friend are closer than him and his GF. It's that bond that friends share. He tells me everything and I tell him everything. We don't hide anythign from each other because we are on the same side. Couples can tend to have opposing sides, especially straight couples since they don't want the other knowing about some things they do or how they truly think. I'm happy to know that I have a 7 year cushion between us while my friend and his girlfriend are only held together by 7 months and what they do when they're alone.
But yeah, it sucks, but be thankful that he's still friends with you. Don't cut it off cause it will only hurt more and he will give you no satisfaction because he doesn't know what it's about. There's nothing wrong with being friends. Just push on and as soon as you take reality for what it is, you'll be able to find someone who loves you equally and is willing to share that.
And that's all I got. woo!

lol.

Well to let you all know, last night i told him i would stay away, he suggested I read a book or do something instead of just leaving for good. I did leave its been close to 24 hours now. I dont know if it was the right thing now. Sure i feel pain and this pain will lessen but now im concern that the friendship will also fade away? =[