Hi and err help?

[Gecko1987]

Hi to everyone.

I have a feeling this is going to be a post very similar to alot of previous posts but here goes anyway.

I need some help, I am 22, and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for around 3 years, before that I was with a different girlfriend for about 2 years.

I have always been into women, but recently if I visit a porn site I find myself clicking onto the 'gay' links, and it gets me off just as muc if not better than the straight stuff.

I dont know whats going on, I cant work out if I am bi, gay or straight and just get turned on cos it feels a bit naughty/wrong.

Not the best at explaining things or what I am trying to gain from this post but basicaly just need some help, how can I be sure or how should I classify myself, am I bi?

the thing is I think that if it came down to actually being with a guy I would freak out and run away lol, but thinking about it turns me on, so I dont know if I would or not.

[matty7]

hey gecko,
maybe its just simple curiosity why your checking guys out, every body compares penis size etc whether there straight or gay - they might not admit it but they do, once you've looked at gay porn sites then it may have just tweaked your curiosity that bit more just by seeing wot other lads get up to, its still a sexual act and that genrates a a responce from everybody,,good or bad - it doesn't automaticaly make u gay, sometimes its fun to cross over to the dark side and look at things a bit taboo, been in a relationship with girlfiends for so long would suggest to me that bi could be an option but thats no bad thing finding attraction in other areas, there's a high percentage of boys at school who experiment with other boys but go on to be straight and married...maybe this is what your experiencing now just a bit later, no doubt all the knowlegable people here will give u a full breakdown on this subject - these was just my simple thoughts while im chillin at the computer - bye matty

[marshlander]

Hi Gecko1987 and welcome.

I'd agree with a lot of what matty7 says. Despite a higher profile for the gay alternative these days we are all moulded as though we are going to be straight when we grow up. Adults go all gooey when little boys and girls show affection, but laugh and call them names if they choose someone of the same sex. Schools hold mock weddings in religious education classes, whilst as a churchgoer in my childhood and adolescence I had to listen to some pretty severe homophobic ranting from the pulpit. It all has an effect. It is assumed from the outset that we grow up, get married, have children and live happily ever after. We grow up also having those expectations of ourselves and it is confusing when our feelings don't quite match the master plan.

Whatever you choose to do to explore or deny these feelings try and do it with as little negative impact on your loved ones as possible. It's good that you have recognised this now and I think you should take time to take stock of what's going on and where you path lies before you get into the kind of relationship where a belated realisation could cause some real heartache. As to classification, I understand why you want to do it, but I am led to believe that it is a bit passé

Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

Hello Gecko,
I heard a while ago (on a radio programme, I think it was) a psychologist explaining that it was normal for straight men to have gay fantasies... that even most straight men had those, but that generally they didn't want to act upon those fantasies... so that's what they remain, just fantasies, to be shared with (or not) with your loved one... It sounds from your post that you won't want to be sharing these thoughts with your girlfriend, as you seem to think they are rather forbidden territory. Whatever you do, if you ever do stray to the other side to see what it's like, just remember to protect yourself and the one you love... Ideally, if this got a little out of hand, you'd get help from someone, or trust your girlfriend to understand and share these doubts with you. What is it you find appealing about gay porn???

[andy]

Big warm

I'm not too fantastic with advice so will leave it to our lovely members!

Good luck though!

[fredv3b]

Gecko,

Its summertime, one of the advantages of this is that people tend to wear somewhat skimpy clothes, or even go shirtless, (on the other hand other people do the same when I wish they wouldn't). When a fit guy with his shirt off walks down the road, he catches my eye, his body is just plain nice to look at without even thinking about sex. A scantily clad young lady has no such effect on me. That's how I was sure I was gay all those years I spent in the closet.

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Hi Gecko1987 and welcome to the site

Hope you have gotten some good advice here... My philosophy has been to try anything at least three times. After you should be able to figure things out and cant blame three people/things for being off.[/COLOR]

[Mark]

I don't understand why like it has to be AM I GAY STRAIGHT OR BI. Let whatever happens happen.. Your 22 theres no need to like decide now forever and always. Being curious is normal.. Just don't consider trying things while with your girlfriend.

But again watching gay porn doesn't really mean you are gay or bi.

[albabonzai]

I spent 7years pretending to myself that i was straight...... it bulit up inside me and i decided that enough was enough and i came out. I am now trying to figure out wether i was lying ot myself as i look at girls now and i am more and more less attrected to them. Now i can openly looka at guys and dont have to kie to myeslf i am more and more feeling that i am totally gay.....and its awsome. Be yourself, dont lie to yourself as i know a few of us on here have. be what makes you happy.
xx