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I don't know what to say or to do, like always and it's getting annoying. I just wish I wasn't this way, because it's only making my social life so awkward. With friends or trying to hit on someone, I just end up being silent and watching TV or just into the wall. I just suck at starting a conversation. It's just so annoying when I'm trying so hard to contact with someone but I just can't get any words out... I'm just such a boring person... What and how can I change that? Any advice?
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Talking is NOT a requirement under the rules of friendship. Just because you are the strong silent type does not mean you are boring or not friendly! But nothing will show more friendship that a nice smile. That is what tells every9ne how you feel about them.
Besides, I envy you as I cannot shut up!
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It may seem counter-intuitive, but I've found it helps to be ok with the silence. If you're ok with it, you relax, and when you're relaxed it's easier to focus on finding relevant things to say than if you're constantly worrying about how awkward you think you're being. It also helps to be around people who share some of your interests. Like anything else, small talk/conversation takes practice, and it's easier to get that practice when you have something you feel at least a bit confident talking about. And like jimbo said, a good measure of a friendship can be the ability to be silent around each other for extended periods of time.
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Sit next to me. For over 60 years, every one says Shut up John and start babbling louder than me. No one has every had ears that could listen to me for as long as I want to talk. I talk. I talk. I talk. My lover goes to sleep. He wakes up in the morning. He screams Dear God, this bastard has been talking all night in my ear. He turns and yells Shut the fuck up, John. I smile pleasantly. Take a deep breath and start another marathon talk fest with me as the star. You are one arrogant bastard, John. I am surprised your mother didn't cut your tongue out. She tried but I bit her hand real hard. Keep your hand off my tongue mom if you want it to stay attached to your arm.
Guys, I am so tired I am going to bed. Talk to you tomorrow.
SHUT UP JOHN
Screw all you GaySpeakers. I like to talk. Keep that hook away from my throat. IT HUR.......................................s
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Most people enjoy talking about themselves, so if you steer the conversation toward their interests it's likely to keep going.
Maybe ask what they're studying and if they say, I don't know, pottery, come up with, "What kind of jobs are in that?"
And then you can add something about yourself when it's relevant. If the conversation switches topics, though, let it. Conversation is like a river and if you try to reverse or reroute it almost anyone will think you're really weird.
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Anonymous Wrote:I don't know what to say or to do, like always and it's getting annoying. I just wish I wasn't this way, because it's only making my social life so awkward. With friends or trying to hit on someone, I just end up being silent and watching TV or just into the wall. I just suck at starting a conversation. It's just so annoying when I'm trying so hard to contact with someone but I just can't get any words out... I'm just such a boring person... What and how can I change that? Any advice?
Like others have mentioned, there's nothing wrong with being a listener! But, since you say that this is a trait of you that bothers yourself, I can offer some tips.
The thing to remember is that most of the time, friendships and romance take more than just one conversation, so don't be hurt that you don't have someone new in your social circle after the first conversation or small talk. Any kind of relationship requires building, so if you just remember that there's nothing wrong with taking steps, you'll feel a lot better about "if a conversation went well or not". ALSO remember that you may actually be talking to someone who is equally as shy! You're not alone 
A lot of people love to talk for miles about their passions, so try to find something they're interested in. There was this girl in my class years ago who was the new kid and was shy. No one was really talking to her or welcoming her, so I went over to her and noticed she was wearing a Nine Inch Nails t-shirt. I pointed it out, mentioned my favorite songs, and she began to discuss all about NIN. Then, class started and we didn't talk again for the rest of the day. But I noticed the next day, she rather sit with me. I began more small talk like "Where are you from?" and such. Really, small talk doesn't hurt. It lets people know that you're interested, either in a platonic way or romantic way.
If you can't find an ice breaker like that, just talk about anything in the entertainment: movies, music- if you're at a bar and you know an amusing anecdote about what the person is drinking, go ahead. The best way to get over not being talkative as another person is to simply do that. Talk. Smile, too lol
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My best friend is very introverted, but she gets by. She has opinions, and she is also very self confident. Being quiet isn't a bad thing, but if you are quiet because you aren't confident, then that might be something else entirely. My friend never feels like she has to talk to people. I take her to functions with me and she can go the entire time without saying anything to anybody and she is cool with that. It really doesn't bother her to sit in silence for hours.
If you are extroverted, and I am assuming that you are because you want to talk to people, then maybe the issue is with confidence? If you're afraid that you are going to say something stupid or awkward then don't be. I think that is the best way to filter out the assholes. If you say something that people don't like and they jump all over you or harass you, then they are bullies and you don't want those people in your life anyway. Decent people will let you step in it as many times as you need to get comfortable around them as long as you aren't being an ass to them.
I think you might want to ask yourself what are you afraid of? If you are afraid the people around you will think you're an idiot, then find new people to hang around?
Or I could be off the mark. I hope things improve. I'm awkward and goofy and I have friends.
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I myself was once an introverted soul, so I can feel where you are coming from.
Its a hard change to make and unfortunately doesn't just happen over night, its a process that took me well over 6 months to where I now am and id say im still not like the average person but then again that's what makes each and every person unique and as an individual.
The way I started was just by putting myself out there, meeting new people and just sparking up simple conversations like "Hey my names Jim, whats yours" and then it just goes from there and if your anything like myself i seem to find nothing to talk about with people just ask them what they do for work and just pay a general interest in them...What i do is smile and shake my head works every time.
Its not an easy road to take but once you get there you will never want to go back, its helps with your confidence, self esteem etc.
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Since you posted Anonymous, nobody knows if you're closeted or old enough to drink, both of which affected my ability to talk to people. If I'm drunk, I talk forever, especially now that I'm not worried about what an acquaintance might discover about me.
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Aww, don't feel sorry about yourself. Don't be ashamed that you are a shy guy. I am too.
It really helps when a person would be really enthusiastic on talking to you.
You would soon find a person or friend that would not hesitate to talk and bring out your chatty and talkative side. Sometimes, it really depends on the people whom you are with. Maybe you are just conversing with people who are intimidating or doesnt share the same interests with you..
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