How not to break up?

[zippyBox]

I was just in a pretty hurtful break up. It came out of nowhere and I still can't figure out exactly why it happened. I've tried fixing it (totally the wrong way) and it didn't turn out well.

I thought it would be cool to hear about some of your break up exploits and see if they are anywhere near as embarrassing as mine was.

[ceez]

well, I've never been in a relationship but what I would do is take some time to myself and try to forget what happened. maybe do some shopping or get into a hobby.

[pellaz]

communication, respect and trust; something along those lines is missing for a break up to happen.

current partner, i was his eveing trick. he had a bf and i was in a straight marriage so both of us were cheating.. one night he slipped on a recently used condom while in his bf's flat. so they broke up and he started going with me. Phase one.

I was in a straight marriage. I knew i was gay and felt kinda trapped. He had a divorce lawyer friend. I wasnt too sure about my gayness and had a lot going on in my life at the time. He wasnt too sure how a somewhat muscular man who liked to work on cars could be gay. He had always lived down town, liked the theater and he is kinda a petite build. we actually have little in common. I was not to sure he actually loved me, was i a convince for him? For example he worked for the same company for 9years but always in danger of a layoff. If he became un employed he was in sooo much debt he would loose his down town condo.

we separated for about 6mo I dated two other men after he left.

after my divorce was final i called hm to thank him, we met at a local bar but never got out of the car that night. About a week in to phase 2 he got mad at me and punched me in the face. After the swelling went away i forgave him at least I knew he wanted it. It was a chance he took i would not react but i dont believe in the domestic violence thing.

Its been about 2years since and things have moved into a loving relationship. we have been able to resolve most any issue that has come up and indeed we have had some testing.

this is kinda long sorry

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Vincent, my second lover of 11 months, ended up stalking me for several months after the initial break up - he broke my heart and cracked a few ribs - or was he the one that broke my heart and broke my arm at the same time? Too many great men in my life and I'm getting too old to keep track of the details. :o

Anyway, he stalked me, then came around and made a huge scene at my job, my boss then asked me to pack up and leave while handing me my last paycheck. Thus I felt compelled to help Vincent by seeing to it that not only did he lose his job, but that he also couldn't work in the state of Nevada ever again in his preferred career. Don't ask, don't tell was not merely an ideology of the Military. Back then it was pretty much the ideology of most companies.

He called the cops out on me insisting I broke in to his place and stole something. Well Not only did I have a perfect alibi (I was working my other part-time job extra hours and that meant I was on camera all the time) I also pointed out to the cops that breaking in wasn't necessary, I still had a key.

I figured that if Vincent could call the cops on me on bogus BS, well this gave me the right to go to his place (because you see I still had that key) and arrange for some of his drugs to end up in places that he would forget to look for them. Mind its not like I was setting him up for sales and possession, because you see he did it himself. one anonymous phone call to the police and things got a wee bit interesting for Vincent. For while the police didn't care if a 'fag' beat the crap of another fag, they did take personal insult in a 'fag' selling drugs.

Somewhere in the midst of all of these he followed me to a bar, I left to go to another, and he showed up. He ended up dragging me out of the bar, throwing me on the ground and proceeded kicking me over and over again while screaming 'I love you!' - Yeah we had that kind of love. Other people in the bar ended up calling the police and pulling him off of me... This man was 6'4 and outweighed me by a good 100 pounds - he was a quarterback or some other big guy in football. Me, pretty slender and underweight.

I ended up with a few stitches, and the police mocking the 'fag boys' - they didn't arrest him, gave him a 'warning' which really came to nothing at the end of the day. So you see the police had their priorities all in order in those days.

He ended up coming to my next job attempting to get me fired, that kinda back fired. My then new boss told me how helpful the IRS could be in keeping Vincent busy with something called an Audit.

Vincent ended up losing his career, his house, his car, his freedom... All because he couldn't let me go after the first time he punched me.

[zippyBox]

Length is good. It lets everybody see the background info and be able to put things into perspective. That's a nice story and I'm glad everything worked out for you.

He didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, said it was me. Was kind of mean about it. He wrote me a letter and read it over the phone. I gave him some "advice" that was little more than thinly veiled reasons why it was his fault the relationship ended. I didn't see it that way at the time, but now I regret it. Completely heartbroken, I stay up late to write him a counter letter. Open, honest, heartfelt. He brushes it off like it's nothing. That night, in a whirlwind of frustration, sadness, etc., I make a fake profile on a dating site, and try to find out why he broke up with me and possibly sway his decision. He sees right through it. Shame, embarrassment...you get the idea. I didn't want to let go, so out of desperation I made an idiot of myself.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that the only person who can make you happy in this world is yourself. Otherwise, you'll end up making the same mistakes over and over again. Even as I type this, it still hasn't sunk in. Easy to say, hard to accept.

[brybry87]

One time I got a 'text-message-break-up'.



^and then my friends bombarded me with this song. Haha

[zippyBox]

ha, that's great. I don't think i've ever been the victim of a text message "brake" up, luckily enough. Now phone call break ups, I've definitely been there :/


Oh wait, I lie. I have been the victim of that. I hate people lol.

[brybry87]

^..yeah, it's pretty lame.

I remember the text going something like, "Can you drop off my Queer as Folk DVD's.. I don't think we can see each other anymore.."

lolz

[zippyBox]

Wow, it must have been pretty serious if you were sharing DVDs lol.

[mrk2010]

By text saying "sorry you were shit in bed, next!"