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How stable a same sex relationship is?
#1
Obviously, we must experiment and confront all kind of situations, but I was wondering
How stable a same sex relationship is? is different from the Hetero's?
Do you really think you can find a partner to whom you can share your elder years?
or is going from one relationship to another like a roller coaster? ending like the Lonely Ranger
#2
I have had a very stable relationship for 26 years now and I know other couples who have been together longer....it depends on the individuals involved.
#3
Ultimately, not that different, especially once people get older.

However, it might seem so because of 2 things: one, many older het people find it not worth the trouble to separate after an older age even if they have and may even live under different roofs (but things from social rep to marriage benefits to family dynamics won't let them make the decision to divorce) to older gay people who are separated by medical and other conditions and the law and/or family erases any record of their being together as their relationship was never officially recognized and thus not protected legally (and many hospitals and homes will even deny the right of gay visitation or any part of the process on general principle and as part of their policy).
#4
Stability of relationships have little to nothing to do with their sexual orientation, it has much more to do with the personalities and character of the individuals involved.

I have been in 6 'relationships' - honest attempts at love and matrimony. I have had mixed results, usually mixing toward the bad end of things.

While all 6 were gay (two men) they had various levels of success and failure in various aspects because of behaviors of myself and the men I was with. Earlier relationships were roller coaster rides ending in violence and horror. One just kind of sort of was there, but not there - and we just walked away with nothing left to say.

The 6th, and I assume final, relationship has been a quite one. We both get along with each other and pretty much like one another - usually, there are a few things we do not like, but we 'get over it' and move on. We have been together over 14 years now and rapidly heading to year 15.

Of course the earlier ones I was young and stupid, having these ideas about what love is and what a relationship should be (in my narrow view). This long one I grew up, matured and had a better understanding (not perfect, just better) of what this whole relationship thing is about.

Maturity of person, and a better understanding of what life on Earth is all about tends to lead to that person being in a better, longer relationship. More often than not first time relationships fail, often spectacularly, regardless of sexual orientation. Later relationships tend to survive and even flourish.

LGBT relationships may last a tad longer and be a tad closer, only in as much as two men or two women tend to have to fight a little bit more against everyone else to stay together, to mark their territory. That 'war' tends to draw them closer together.
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[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#5
Orientation has little effect to relationship stability to my knowledge.

Though you will find people on the social conservative side saying otherwise.
Likely referencing dated and flawed studies by religious institutes in the 70s/80s that say homosexuals have thousands of sex partners, from which we can therefore assume homosexuals are completely unable to be monogamous.
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
#6
If anything, I think we have more partners simply because we are not brainwashed into thinking all humans are by nature monogamous. We accept that some of us just aren't made that way, some of us are and, we are better at being okay with whatever sexual choices we and others make.
#7
I was in a previous straight relationship. My Xwife is a good person. to that ends I spent a lot of time and energy trying to stay in the marriage. Our decision to separate was not based on gay or straight issues but other things. I am very gay.

Bricg1970 Wrote:How stable a same sex relationship
a noticeable difference less than a hetro one because:
-human nature being what it is; the divorce process puts a few hoops to jump through before you become single, just makes you think twice.
-Marriage sets up lots of free legal situations in a nice standard package
-the expectations are better defined in a straight relationship.

Bricg1970 Wrote:Is different from the Hetero's?r
there is a lot less differences than you think:
-same sex partners are more competitive.
-being gay in this society, has damaged more adult lgbt partners than it has straight. There are more quaky behaviors to understand about yourself and your partner.

Bricg1970 Wrote:Do you really think you can find a partner to whom you can share your elder years?
YES I think I have but recently I found him cheating on me and if it happens again I dont know how i would respond.
-my husband is completely different than what i put in my initial cragislist add. What a surprise; what we bring separately to the table fits and makes things work in a direction not to different form our separate expectations.

gay straight or bi i know i am sooo luckyKnuddel

Bricg1970 Wrote:is going from one relationship to another like a roller coaster? ending like the Lonely Ranger
Maybe its that dark cloud thingy of mine but YES.

In between bliss and failure i plan to work very hard and be the very best husband i can. Never repeat mistakes i have made in the past and look forward.
#8
Working very nicely, thank you! :biggrin:
Still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.
#9
Pix Wrote:Ultimately, not that different, especially once people get older.

However, it might seem so because of 2 things: one, many older het people find it not worth the trouble to separate after an older age even if they have and may even live under different roofs (but things from social rep to marriage benefits to family dynamics won't let them make the decision to divorce) to older gay people who are separated by medical and other conditions and the law and/or family erases any record of their being together as their relationship was never officially recognized and thus not protected legally (and many hospitals and homes will even deny the right of gay visitation or any part of the process on general principle and as part of their policy).

I don't have figures to justify my thinking on this, but it seemed to me that more and more older people were getting divorced after the kids are out of the coop, maybe when they hit their 50s and 60s. It is also a time when couples are reaching ill health issues and possibly have drifted from each other. It used to be that such older couples would stay together, for the family's sake, for the sake of keeping a semblance of dignity etc, for financial and economic reasons, but this is no longer so much the case. Men live longer and women even longer than before, there haven't been wars to deprive women of their men and make them unwilling widows...

Life changes and one or both in the couple want out to take advantage of those post child-rearing years...

I'd like to think that a same sex relationship has as much likelihood to last as a hetero situation, for all the reasons that opposite sex couples stay together. Issues of trust and fidelity are human rather than they are attached to a gender. I daresay that with more same sex couples tying the knot, we may soon see that they are every bit as stable as (if not more than) hetero couples.

After all the rate of divorce among married (therefore straight) couples is already really high... How many of those hetero marriages were actually forced (by societal pressures, by circumstances, etc...)?

Same sex marriages probably don't have to deal with such pressures, making them, in effect, more likely to thrive. As I said, this is an opinion, nothing based in research or statistics (hard to come by for the moment).
#10
Genersis Wrote:Orientation has little effect to relationship stability to my knowledge.

Though you will find people on the social conservative side saying otherwise.
Likely referencing dated and flawed studies by religious institutes in the 70s/80s that say homosexuals have thousands of sex partners, from which we can therefore assume homosexuals are completely unable to be monogamous.


It is well known, obviously, that heteros are very monogamous.... :tongue: :tongue: :tongue:


For those who don't understand, I'm jesting....Confusedmile:

PS, and by the way, stability and monogamy are not synonymous. I'm guessing that a threesome that lives on as a threesome for many years would still count as stable.


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