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I know this guy...
#1
So basically, I saw this guy at my college who I also saw on plenty of fish so I already know he's interested in guys. He actually messaged me once and I replied, but didn't get a response afterwards :confused:. I live in a small homophobic town, with my parents who don't know I'm gay, while I'm attending said college.

What should I do? :confused:
#2
Kryn Wrote:So basically, I saw this guy at my college who I also saw on plenty of fish so I already know he's interested in guys. He actually messaged me once and I replied, but didn't get a response afterwards :confused:. I live in a small homophobic town, with my parents who don't know I'm gay, while I'm attending said college.

What should I do? :confused:

Three problems:

1) No response from guy.

2) Homophobic town.

3) Parents don't know you're gay.

Possible solutions:

1) Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes messages get missed. Try to contact him again. Be confident and friendly. Express your interest. If this second attempt fails to get his attention then move on.

2) You'll need to do some soul searching about what you're doing in this town. You're attending college? You might have to learn to deal with it until you graduate. Nothing is forever.

3) The Collective Wisdom here at GS would probably encourage you to come out to your parents at some point but only when the time is right for you. Only you can decide that.

Best of luck with everything. Keep us posted.
Smile
#3
Kryn Wrote:So basically, I saw this guy at my college who I also saw on plenty of fish so I already know he's interested in guys. He actually messaged me once and I replied, but didn't get a response afterwards :confused:. I live in a small homophobic town, with my parents who don't know I'm gay, while I'm attending said college.

What should I do? :confused:

What should you do? Tell me, what can you do to change any of this?

You can't force him to talk to you. Well you can abduct him, throw him into a well and throw down lotion and tell him to put the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again. There is a statistical probability that after a while he will come to love you, care for you... It falls under Stockholm syndrome and similar psychological stuff.

Can't change the homophobic town, well yeah you can, but it means you will need a much, much larger well and far too many bottles of lotion. Torture tends to change people's minds - albeit in ways we rarely expect.

As for the parents - how large is their insurance policies? Are those policies made out to you? If so I suggest making it look like an accident (hope they have double indemnity clause on accidents) and then you will be living alone.

These are things you can do - I wouldn't recommend them because they are illegal in all 50 states.

Seems unreasonable? Then I suggest you sit down and think of reasonable things YOU can do to change things.

Most likely you will find that with the Homophobic town and the potential lover who spurned you there is nothing you can do to CHANGE them. You can, however, change how you feel about them.

As for the parents, eventually you will be in a situation where they will guess that that 'roommate' you have been living with for 20 years may actually be more than 'just' a roommate, especially if you area adopts Gays marriage and you marry him. Its kinds of a give away that screams 'I'm gay'.:biggrin:
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#4
Kryn Wrote:... with my parents who don't know I'm gay, while I'm attending said college ...
You havnt said much about your family life so i assume an average or better situation. If the rents continue to support you through college, the checks are large and on time, consider not rocking the boat. Its your decision. On the other side not having to hide who you are is a big thing.

Kryn Wrote:So basically, I saw this guy at my college who I also saw on plenty of fish so I already know he's interested in guys. He actually messaged me once and I replied, but didn't get a response afterwards :confused ...
There is no requirement to manage your on line social stuff like paying bills. The semester just re started so he might be busy, He might be going out with someone and nothing lasts forever so hang in there. If you see him again say hi, be your self, try to get more information if he is willing.

Kryn Wrote:... I live in a small homophobic town ...
If you come out to your friends are you worried how they will treat you? If they were good friends initially they will continue to support you afterwards. Time to move on to the new stuff.
#5
LateBloomer Wrote:1) Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes messages get missed. Try to contact him again. Be confident and friendly. Express your interest. If this second attempt fails to get his attention then move on.

3) The Collective Wisdom here at GS would probably encourage you to come out to your parents at some point but only when the time is right for you. Only you can decide that.

1: I might try that.

3: I definitely plan to. I'm very confident my mom would take it well. My father on the otherhand, who was born in 1945, a hardcore republican, former preacher, and general dumbass; might take it the wrong way. He is the main source of my college money. We are extremely disconnected, we live in the same home but talk like once a week. I could easily hide a relationship from him while my mom knew about it.

pellaz Wrote:If you come out to your friends are you worried how they will treat you? If they were good friends initially they will continue to support you afterwards. Time to move on to the new stuff.

People my age are somewhat accepting, especially when they find out a long time friend is gay. Usually it's like "whatever" but at the same time they don't really want to know more about it.

A few friends know. All my my in-laws from my sister's marriage know so if i happened to get kicked out I have a plan B. But It would disrupt my studies for awhile.

I guess I'm just a bit excited, the fact that I received a message from him and everything and found him in person later. I Instantly recognized him as he's actually attractive Confusedmile: Very rarely do I happen to run into a guy I know without a doubt is gay. I've only known 4 (including my ex) out gay men my entire life, and all of them were unappealing to say the least (my ex wasn't too bad, I was just a desperate virgin).

I donno, I guess I'm looking for a way to contact him without seeming stalkerish lol
I have very little doubt about being rejected, I guess I just need some encouragement Biggrinflip
#6
Kryn Wrote:I donno, I guess I'm looking for a way to contact him without seeming stalkerish lol

I have very little doubt about being rejected, I guess I just need some encouragement Biggrinflip

Ok then! GO FOR IT!

Clap

Believe me, two emails is NOT stalkerish.

Like I said, if the next attempt fails to get his attention then you stop wasting his (and your) time and move on.

GOOD LUCK and keep us updated.
Smile


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