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'I'm Fat' 'I'm Ugly' So on...
#1
I know the title is abit strange but i'm sure you'll let it slide once you see what i'm about to write, so i've notice something in my friends they are really negitive towards themselfs, and the strange thing is it just comes out of no where you know me and a couple of my gay friends wanted to go out so were waiting for my friend to finsh in the bath room and then my other friend turns around and goes 'Gosh, your so pretty, how do you do it' i go, 'by spending most of my time in the bathroom, and you look good too thanks for telling me i look good, and so i thought he was just being nice, and then he says, 'Oh stop lieing i'm fat and ugly' WOAH!, what did he say?!?, when did this whole thing come up, i turn around and say ' i'm not lieing you look sexy' and he cut me off saying oh gosh i might aswell strave myself, All i can think of is, Oh my gosh i have someones life in my hands there gonna strave themselfs cause they think i lied, so i did everything i could say and meant it, my friend even had to back it up so he didn't want to go out after that, so the whole night was ruined, i'm not a mean person towards my friends but don't you just feel like saying to those negitive people, 'YES YOU ARE FAT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?'

I just don't have the heart to say it, wow i feel better now that i wrote this down.

xx - Jesse
#2
Self deprecation, is the tool of the the 21st Century for most (attention whores) people now. It is their way of staying above the topical subjects. For the most part it is harmless and benign. But, when you see an increase in volume, and persistence that their self-flagellation be acknowledged, that is when you pull out the big guns and let it rip through their flesh. Make emm hurt until they drop it. But, always remember, silence is golden in any situation, and hurts more than ANY thing, good or bad you may say to them. Just pretend as if you are permanently deaf.
#3
Well you done the right thing by reassuring your friend Big Grin and most people are are self conscious about them selves. Erm, I like to use humour whilst cheering people up Tongue but yea... sorry your night got ruined.
#4
This "I´m not beautiful" after 4 hours bathroom seems for me like "fishing for compliments"...... I don´t react on it ... or if I react you can be very sure that the whole evening is ruined.... I hate that ... and I say very clear : Yes, You´re right.... this hairs ... and this clothes ... it´s a shame to be seen with you on my side "... and then I go ...
After doing this 2 - 3 times ..you can be sure that you never will been asked for your opinion in beauty-questions....
I can help with problems and so on ... but I´m not there for stupid beauty-conversations ... *g
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
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#5
LOL...I am probably the least compatible with people who do this...there may be a few other types I am even less compatible with but I can't think of any at the time.

I have a mini library now of books on psychic vampires just so I can be prepared when I run into these people...they drain every last bit of energy out of me. I am pretty good at sensing this quality in someone now and avoiding them but when I can't I just visualize white light around me...I get the horrible sensation that I can't breathe around people who do this.
#6
best responce i have ever heard to this type of self dep. is "oh?" (pause) "Well if you say so" and acting surprised
it may or may not make them think a moment.
#7
Self image is all down to opinion. You can spend all eternity complimenting someone who dislikes themselves but it is just like shining a light into a black hole. So effectively you just wasted your time and energy - even if you genuinely do believe they are beautiful, the fact is THEY DO NOT. If they do not like themselves it is because something on the INSIDE is missing - lack of self worth - so you cannot change their opinion. You have to target the CAUSE of the lack of self-appreciation first.

And someone spending hours in the bathroom tarting themselves up is also just like shining a light into a blackhole themselves. And naturally, if someone has little to no consideration for their self, they are not likely to be able to consider the people around them.
#8
its a shame some people dont see the beauty in themselves - just try and reasure him he's fine as he is, the media today promotes the myth that skinny is beautiful, thats a lot of pressure for younger people or older really who arent perfectly proportioned, just try buying xxl clothing designer clothing in the high street and you'll see your excluded already and that attitude carries on in lots of things - its natural to be slightly jealeous of the more beautiful people and he just needs that bit of reasurance that he's not those negative things....carry on been a freind,, im not a fan of the tuff love though...telling him he is fat would be counter productive to him
#9
rsconceptions Wrote:Self image is all down to opinion. You can spend all eternity complimenting someone who dislikes themselves but it is just like shining a light into a black hole. So effectively you just wasted your time and energy - even if you genuinely do believe they are beautiful, the fact is THEY DO NOT. If they do not like themselves it is because something on the INSIDE is missing - lack of self worth - so you cannot change their opinion. You have to target the CAUSE of the lack of self-appreciation first.

And someone spending hours in the bathroom tarting themselves up is also just like shining a light into a blackhole themselves. And naturally, if someone has little to no consideration for their self, they are not likely to be able to consider the people around them.


Black Hole is a good description for it. The only time I was ever in an abusive relationship the guy would spend 3-4 hours A DAY!!! taking a shower and retaking it because his hair wasn't perfect (and I swear it always looked EXACTLY the same)...he would actually cry....and I tried initially to make him feel better but the more I tried the worse it got and that is when I realized he was draining me and he became quite verbally and mentally abusive as well.

The other thing with the people who do this that I noticed from him and other people as well...they not only judge their own looks they constantly judge other people's looks too and externalize and project their own lack of self worth on others.

At one point when I met my current lover and he asked me what I wanted from a man and I told him I wanted a guy who didnt' see himself through someone else's eyes....he "got it":biggrin: He doesn't...he is a fierce individual...I am happy:biggrin:
#10
We all project some extent. When we criticize another for a particular thing, we are really seeing something that is in ourselves.


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