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I'm a complete wreck...
#1
So, I broke up last Monday with my then boyfriend of a little over 3 years. Last Wednesday I went to a gay bar one of my good friends works at. I hooked up with a guy that night even though I really didn't want to, but I am a weak willed and out of control person as of now. I also met a few new guys who are really cool and I enjoy hanging out with them. I was hanging out with one of them this past Monday and as it got late we fooled around and I like him, but I don't want a relationship. I can tell he is really into me. He has listened to me about my break up for the past few days and has be a really nice guy. I think I have fucked up a new friendship, but who knows.

I have also been talking with another guy for the past month before my breakup as well. I like him, too.

I don't know where I am going with this, but I just need to talk about it. I just hope all of this crap doesn't become a reoccurring habit. This is totally not my style.

I have been up and down lately, sad and happy. I definitely believe that I currently do not have my head on straight. I have seen friends go through break up and I can say that I am doing pretty well except for the emotional swings and hookups (that I really hope to stop). I really just want friends that will listen and comfort me, but being in the closet doesn't really allow for that.

I feel kind of slutty. Cry
#2
it's common to rebound after a relationship,
just try not to break too many hearts along the way.
when a relationship ends, there's usually a brief period of ...melancholia
for lack of a better way to describe it.
try not to make any big decisions during this period.
talking a lot about it will help some, but the only true cure is time.
#3
What you are going through is the reason why it is called a rebound Wink
#4
sneakyc25 Wrote:So, I broke up last Monday with my then boyfriend of a little over 3 years. Last Wednesday I went to a gay bar one of my good friends works at. I hooked up with a guy that night even though I really didn't want to, but I am a weak willed and out of control person as of now. I also met a few new guys who are really cool and I enjoy hanging out with them. I was hanging out with one of them this past Monday and as it got late we fooled around and I like him, but I don't want a relationship. I can tell he is really into me. He has listened to me about my break up for the past few days and has be a really nice guy. I think I have fucked up a new friendship, but who knows.

I have also been talking with another guy for the past month before my breakup as well. I like him, too.

I don't know where I am going with this, but I just need to talk about it. I just hope all of this crap doesn't become a reoccurring habit. This is totally not my style.

I have been up and down lately, sad and happy. I definitely believe that I currently do not have my head on straight. I have seen friends go through break up and I can say that I am doing pretty well except for the emotional swings and hookups (that I really hope to stop). I really just want friends that will listen and comfort me, but being in the closet doesn't really allow for that.

I feel kind of slutty. Cry

You sound............completely normal! Confusedmile:

As the other posters have stated you are going though a rebound and it is normal. I think it is great that you are getting out and also talking about it because those are two essential ingredients to closing one door and opening the next....

Try to remain true to yourself and you will be fine. Xyxthumbs
#5
sneakyc25 Wrote:I have also been talking with another guy for the past month before my breakup as well. I like him, too.

Seems to me you were planning on breaking up before you did it... Got men on the side lined up 'just in case'???

I know a guy who has never been single - he goes from relationship to relationship, before he ends one he starts a new one... Mind he doesn't have sex with the new person, but he starts 'dating' hooking things up, preparing for a new relationship, so when he does break up he can move right on to the next. It is unhealthy.

The pauses between breakups should be the time we reflect on what 'I did' in the relationship to cause the break-up and then work on whatever you can.

Relationships are all about working on the 'Us' part, the 'Me' part doesn't get much attention.

I would suggest you adopt a 1 year or 2 year dedicated 'single' between relationships, use that time to work on you, and work on those issues you can tease out of bad relationships. You do not have to stick to it religiously, set a goal with an honest intent to NOT go out and date on purpose. IF a man comes into your life do not be afraid to pass up the opportunity, just don't focus on finding a replacement for X amount of time.

You would really be better off if you ask yourself honestly what YOU did wrong to cause the break-up. This is what they call in program making a fearless inventory of one's self. No, it is not easy, yes it can be painful, however the next relationship you do get in will be much better for both of you if you have addressed those annoying habits that you do you (we all have annoying habits, no one is a saint - find them, resolve them).

One potential issue here is your being in the closet. Most (not all) gay men interested in relationships want a man who is open and honest about his sexuality, they do not want to play the lying game around certain people.

This may be a good time for you to draw up a line of attack on coming out....
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[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#6
Good line of thinking, Bowyn... I'd agree with what you said. It's true though that you never know where your next encounter will take you and whether it won't turn out to be better suited to you as a person than your last relationship was. I'd still take some time to reflect about what was not quite right in my previous relationship.
#7
My heart goes out to you, break ups are so painful and can lead a person doing things they may regret.
[SIZE="3"][COLOR="Green"]Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Oscar Wilde[/COLOR][/SIZE]
Respect
#8
we put soo personal much effort into these relationships we forget to think for our selves. Selfish hook ups are great to mend an ego.
-be honest with your new friends, up front tell them you just broke up. They might not understand your feelings and you will have to repeat your self a few times.
-you might meet your sole mate, dont totally close your heart
-think of when you can emotionally stand on your own two feet and move on to the next functional boy friend
-you will always miss your X of 3years. When you can emotionally put things together look for closure. If this apples in your situation. This might take the forum of an email, a phone call or a visit with flowers.
-dont be afraid of moving backwards, that is re start a previous friendship or relationship. Keep in mind nothing will have changed, its not like you guys wernt trying hard to make it work on the first go around.
-The gay community is not a large one so there are limits on behavior.
#9
Wink @ Pellaz.... Is one's SOLE mate also one's only SOUL mate??? Wink
#10
I had informed my ex about talking around before we officially ended it and it seemed like he knew it would happen as we were talking less and less among other things that were happening in our relationship as well. I have told the guys that I did in fact just get out of a relationship. I did tell the one that I was in a relationship while we were talking and he was a bit upset, but he still wants to get to know me. I agree that I need to take some time and do some reflecting and I have thought about slowly coming out to family, but the biggest problem is that I am financially dependent on my parents for school and what not.

Thanks for everything, guys. It helps to talk about these things, and it allows me to really think and try to sort things out. It also helps to get other people's input because I might not think about certain things that need to be done, such as full closure with my ex.


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