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I'm gay but not out to anyone yet
I Trevor-Kenny Martins and am 24yrs Model from South Africa

I'm gay but not out to anyone yet,I've never kissed a guy. I've never had sex. I've never held hands.I cry at least once every day, because I am lonely and ashamed of disclosing my gay status.I am so horribly depressed that I think I'm going to kill myself soon.

I realized I was gay at age 16. I came to that realization practically overnight when I
developed a crush on a boy I though I hated. Suddenly I couldn't get enough of him, I
thought I was in love. Being young and ignorant I couldn't accept that he didn't feel the
same way. I didn't feel that God, or fate would be so cruel as to give me such intense
feelings if he didn't reciprocate them. So I went after him with everything I had and he
continually rebuffed me. Still I wouldn't accept that he didn't love me.

Being gay is wrong in South Africa and its seen as a Curse and I wana be Free and be able to express my sexuality without any inhibitions

I was brought up in a church background from when I was living,My dad is from Scotland and used to be a Vicar at a catholic Church in capetown and my Mum is Afrikaner.I believe in God. I was born into a family of four,that includes my I just graduated from the Art school this year

I just want someone to talk to about this situation who isn't going to ditch I really want
some to support me and just hold me and be with me when I'm sad. I would prefer a boyfriend

I am simple and straight forward,open and easy to get on with,I have my whole heart filled with love which i am ready to give unconditionally as such I wana relocate to the United states and Live there forever.

Would you be interested in helping me i will be eternally grateful.
I think you definetely need to get away from the negativity that surrounds you. If you accept yourself for who you are then it should not matter to anyone else, you need to make yourself happy. I can understand you desire to find someone to love and be loved in return, I have yet to experience that myself, but I have come to realize that such things are beyond my control and I live my life with the hope that I'll experience it one day.

If you are really depressed, please write to any of us here. We don't want to see you kill yourself as it would be another senseless loss due to bigotry and hatred. We need to overcome that. Please reach out to any member here if you need support and advice. It will get better, I promise you.
In the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't. You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair... but its the way things are. The choice is yours. ~ Zidane Tribal

Hope is comforting, it allows us to accept fate no matter how tragic it may be. ~ Yunalesca

"Απο μακρυά και αγαπημένοι παρά απο κοντά και μαλωμένοι"

There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met ~ Gonzo
welcome to the forums
Welcome to the Gs community of friends.

You are not alone your story is one i have heard many times and as you seem to have nothing holding you where you are you should follow your dreams and start applying for employment in the US or UK or where ever you want to go.

Just remember the old saying..... be careful of what you wish for you may get it. .. and you may be very happy or you may be very sad. you must be ready for either.

best of luck to you.

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