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I'm new to the forum and have some questions about Homosexuality....
#1
I'm a straight man, and no I'm not in denial and this isn't some sub-concious or latent attempt at freeing myself... lol...

h/e.... without offending, because by no means am I a homophobe.... I'm somewhat 'concerned' about my nephew.... and I know that saying that I'm concerned may make many of you feel that I'm not as comfortable with homosexuality as I say I am....

but, I would like to make it clear that whether he's homo, bi, or anything else - he's my nephew and I'll love and support him no matter what....

My concerns as I put it... are more to do with, how he feels he has to hide 'his feelings', or repress them... and I know it may be difficult but i'd rather he feel comfortable expressing himself.... the truth is his parents will struggle to be as understanding as me, his father is my brother and I know he won't be as willing to accept him - if he were gay.... and I think he's often expressed as much about some of his behaviour and thus he's started to hide his feelings....


My questions for the homosexuals on the board are... how old were you, or far back can you think to yourself being gay? and I know homosexuals come in all shapes, sizes and all have varying interests....

but as far as behaviours.... do you remember wanting to dress in girls clothes, or wanting to watch 'girly cartoons'..... having a preference for colours like pink.... I know this sounds like a list of generalisations and stereotypes... but these things genuinely apply to my nephew....

for instance, he likes to play videogames but chooses girls characters, such as 'princess peach' and 'daisy' when playing mario games.... he prefers 'pink kirby' or 'pink toad'....

for anyone familiar with 'the nintendo wii', he recently put his 'mii character' in a girls costume.... and that's what he referred to it as.... and then claimed 'he didn't know who did that'..... and he then went on to try and make it clear he didn't like it.... as if to reassure everyone that he 'knew it was wrong'.....

he's always creating girl 'mii' characters..... blonde girls....

now, i guess i should mention he's only 7years old.... but is this enough for me to safely assume he's homosexual....

again, i'm not trying to belittle anyone - i'll admitt i'm somewhat ignorant when it comes to homosexuality and that's why i'd appreciate some input from people who've been through similar experiences.... or could shed some light......


thank you.

george.
#2
first off, stop using the term "homosexuality" and secondly,just cus he uses "girly" names and characters doesnt mean hes gay but if he is gay, let him come to terms on it himself, dont rush or push him. Just comfort him and support him on all his decisions. Ive seen straight people wearing pink so dont generalize that as a gay thing, more and more straight people are wearing pink these days but at that age, I really dont see children wearing pink. George, give him sometime, do some research, get ready incase he is gay and comes out when he is a teenager so that your (in your words) "ignorant". Im sure if you educate yourself, and get yourself ready for it, Im sure you'll be fine. I hope I helped a bit.
#3
Hi and Welcome :-)

What I want to say is ... You can´t be sure that he is gay, bi, straight... till he tell you what he is. The most signs which are "maybe gay" are really just "maybe gay".
I was 6 and I knew that I´m gay ... but ... thats just me ... friends of mine had their coming out with 26 ... and knew it since 24.... other find it out with 40+, 50+ .. or older.

The best way is: Don´t watch what your nephew "maybe" is ... care for him in a way that his sexuality is not important for you. Let him be what he want to be ... if he wants pink kirbys .. let him. Watch him with restrained attention... but in a way that he know you are there if he needs someone to talk to. Important is that you know if he is maybe bullied in school... that can be very dangerous.....
Never laugh about gay jokes if he can hear you.... don´t say thinks like "Gay people are Ok for you AS LONG AS they don´t touch you.... " or stuff like this.... if he hear one sentence like this ... he will never come to talk.

If you have more questions.... we are here Wink
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
)O(

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#4
If you have the kind of relationship and communication skills that will make talking to either or both of the parents it may be helpful in terms of their hearing you support them, but I'd caution you to go slowly and very carefully. If it were your own child you'd be likely be easily defensive, protective, embarrassed, etc., etc., so it may be best to lay low and remain passively supportive and understanding. The kid is simply TOO young to try to impose without more disadvantage than "help." As your nephew matures you may find opportunities to demonstrate acceptance and support without even having to be specific or "engaged." At this point however, I advise strong caution and passive support until asked for more. Hope you won't be offended and I'm sure you'll get plenty more perspectives! Smile
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#5
curiousgeorge Wrote:...he's always creating girl 'mii' characters..... blonde girls.... now, i guess i should mention he's only 7years old.... but is this enough for me to safely assume he's homosexual....

the good
we all appreciate your concern for the boy.

the bad
gay is only a sexual preference. Has nothing to do with what your fav color may be.

go awayCool
#6
I knew young, seven or eight but, I too was raised in an environment where being anything but heterosexual was wrong, in fact it was a sure sentence to eternal damnation and, that was made very clear to me the one and only time I told my parents that I kissed a boy at school.

Each of us matures differently so, don't push your nephew. Yes he may be gay, bi, transgendered, enjoy cross dressing, whatever but, he is just as likely to be a straight guy that just happens to like pink and find blond females attractive, so he wants to look at pink things and blond girls when he plays a game.

Just be there, be open to listening to him and, if he tells you he kissed a boy, thinks a boy is cute, likes a boy, etc... smile and accept that as normal, because it is. If he want's to play dress up in women's clothes or make up, that's cool too. Just let him be who he is, and make sure that's okay with you, whoever he is.
#7
Welcome to GS, George.

I think your concern is genuine especially knowing your brother's possible reaction. However, I do think you have stereotypical views of homosexuality that do a disservice to your nephew. In spite of what you are lead to believe most of us are not flamboyant but rather average guys. We just bond and fall in love with other men.

Now, I don't want to scare you but you may also want to read up on transgender to get an even boarder view. Meet Jackie. I would be lying if I said your description of your nephew didn't remind me of Jackie's story.

My only other thought is, does your nephew have sisters? He could be doing nothing more than relating to female characters more. He may just be very innocently enjoying the colors and characters. So, I wouldn't go overboard in looking for answers, I would let nature take it's course. But I would educate myself on possibilities.

I don't find your post offensive at all because if your nephew does identify as gay or transgender, he is going to need you to tell him it's ok and that you love him no matter what. You may save his life just by quietly being there.

You know, next time he makes one of those characters and you're around, maybe say, hey, I kind of like that or something. The silence is want hurts so badly because I'll tell you honestly, I was beating myself up and hating myself just fine on my own on the inside. But none of the silence or ignoring made any of it go away, I'm still gay. Maybe even buy a pink shirt for yourself and YOU wear it to his birthday party or something. It's the silence that later becomes so deadly.

To answer your questions about myself: I definitely knew I was gay around 10 years old. I never exhibited any behavior like your nephew as I am more into sports and music; mechanically inclined. And, I hate pink! :biggrin:

I give you props for trying. And, I'm sure I have some stereotypical notions about heterosexuals, too. :tongue: Best wishes to your nephew and your family.
[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]Deep wells must be dug
If you want clear water
Rose-red oh Rose-red
deep waters don’t run still

~ Rammstein - Rosenrot[/COLOR]

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next. ~ Jonas Salk

You don't shine by putting out someone else's light.
#8
Some of the most effeminate guys I know are straight as an arrow. Being gay doesn't have anything to do with liking pink or 'girly' things, just whether or not you'd want to be in a relationship/have sex with someone of the same sex. The kid's seven, maybe his like of pink and whatnot is a phase, maybe not. Maybe he's gay, maybe not. He might not even think about that yet or he might already know what he is, but until he says so, you don't know and you probably shouldn't stress about it.
#9
I was 10-11 years old when I came to understand that i didn't like girls the way I was supposed to, but I can recall being as young as 8 when I would 'perve' on boys in my class and soccer team.

BUT I liked cars, football, violent movies, heavy metal music and many other un'stereotypical' traits in a gay man.

Never wore a dress, never had the desire...infact I would kill someone before I was forced to wear a dress...so basically homosexual does not even come remotely close to being effeminate.

The only thing that comes close to effeminate is an effeminate man, you cannot bring sexuality into the equation when there is an efffeminate man because the 2 are polar opposites. Most effeminate men are STRAIGHT.

You nephew doesn't have any problems what so ever, it is your brother that has the problem and ultimately IS the problem in this equation...he is so insecure with his sexuality that he feels threatened by his own sons 'percieved' sexuality because of unrelated 'girly' stereotypical and backwards thinking.

Be there for your nephew, but it is your borother that is the problem.
#10
Lol don't let his choice at playing girl characters on video games, watching girly cartoons, etc label him as gay. That's silly. It could be a phase. Maybe he'll grow out of it, maybe he won't. If he is gay, then let him come out when he is ready. If we didn't live in such a sexist world full of labels, boys playing female characters and liking the color pink wouldn't be such a big deal. I was probably 13 or 14 when I came to the conclusion that I also like men. He's only 7 so I wouldn't say it's safe to assume that he's homosexual. Wait until he hits puberty. I mean does he look at males a certain way? If not, then he could just be a very comfortable boy. I know loads of straight males that love pink and know a lot about "girly" stuff. Approach this situation with an open mind.
"People of all sexes have the right to explore femininity, masculinity, and the infinite variations between, without criticism or ridicule."
— Leslie Feinberg


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