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I'm ready to cry!!!
#1
Now, that I have introduced myself, and got a little advice on coming out, I need some support.

My partner an I have been together for almost 2 years. He is in the Air Force, and may have to go to out of state for an 18 month assignment. We recently decided that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I support everything he does, but I am scared. Most of all, I am scared that he could one day be deployed to Afghanistan. I can't handle the thought of being away from him, and possibly never seeing him again if he is deployed. Whenever we are separated for each other for even a day, I feel like I can't breath without him. I love him so much it hurts at times. I finally have everything I have ever wanted, and I feel like it could all be taken away from me.

Every time this subject comes up, I get extremely emotional. His mother and I are going to meet this week for lunch. This will be the first time we will me alone, and I am really nervous for some reason. I don't know why because we have a great relationship now. Should I tell her how I feel about him possibly going away? Should I even be talking about our relationship to her?
#2
Ya. I know your feeling when you look forward to your relationship in future, why do you confuse that while it doesn't happen yet. We all who are still hope to have a best relationship always scare everything will be bad.

Now, you should talk to him about your feeling, let him know you love him so much, can't live without him. He could one day be deployed to Afghanistan, but that's future, who know. If you want to cry, cry when you can.
#3
nokaly Wrote:Ya. I know your feeling when you look forward to your relationship in future, why do you confuse that while it doesn't happen yet. We all who are still hope to have a best relationship always scare everything will be bad.

Now, you should talk to him about your feeling, let him know you love him so much, can't live without him. He could one day be deployed to Afghanistan, but that's future, who know. If you want to cry, cry when you can.

I told him how I feel, and he asked me if I wanted him to tell his Lt. that he was gay so he would be discharged. I told him no, even though I wanted to say yes! I try to think about the here and now, but that's not easy when you are planning a future together. He would do anything for me, but he loves what he does, and I don't want him to give it up over me being selfish.
#4
DRW Wrote:Now, that I have introduced myself, and got a little advice on coming out, I need some support.

My partner an I have been together for almost 2 years. He is in the Air Force, and may have to go to out of state for an 18 month assignment. We recently decided that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I support everything he does, but I am scared. Most of all, I am scared that he could one day be deployed to Afghanistan. I can't handle the thought of being away from him, and possibly never seeing him again if he is deployed. Whenever we are separated for each other for even a day, I feel like I can't breath without him. I love him so much it hurts at times. I finally have everything I have ever wanted, and I feel like it could all be taken away from me.

Every time this subject comes up, I get extremely emotional. His mother and I are going to meet this week for lunch. This will be the first time we will me alone, and I am really nervous for some reason. I don't know why because we have a great relationship now. Should I tell her how I feel about him possibly going away? Should I even be talking about our relationship to her?

About this Afghanistan-thing I don´t want to say more then it is forbidden to me to support any kind of war, violent and so on... and so my piece of advice would be not helpful.
But about the meeting with his mother I would wait in wich direction the conversation goes.... did she know you both are a couple... want she want to talk about .. and so on...

If she talk about him .. and you, then I would talk about your fears ... and about your relationship... so she can see your feelings for her son.... If she don´t want to talk about him ..be a nice guy... talk about anything and nothing...

If I remind on my first mother-in-law I would advice you to buy a big bag of dragon-food and don´t forget your heat shield.... :biggrin:
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#5
fenris Wrote:About this Afghanistan-thing I don´t want to say more then it is forbidden to me to support any kind of war, violent and so on... and so my piece of advice would be not helpful.
But about the meeting with his mother I would wait in wich direction the conversation goes.... did she know you both are a couple... want she want to talk about .. and so on...

If she talk about him .. and you, then I would talk about your fears ... and about your relationship... so she can see your feelings for her son.... If she don´t want to talk about him ..be a nice guy... talk about anything and nothing...

If I remind on my first mother-in-law I would advice you to buy a big bag of dragon-food and don´t forget your heat shield.... :biggrin:


I'm sure that our view on the war is the same as yours! I support our country, and all our troops, but I DO NOT support the war.

As far as his mother, I'm not sure exactly why she wants to meet. I think she just wants to get to know me better. She really is a nice lady, and she definitely knows about us! We have had personal conversations on the phone often, and I think she is great!

Dragon food and heat shield!!!! LMAO!!Icon16 I think I can leave those at home!
#6
I'm sorry cutie, I really feel for you there Sad

I don't know what it must be like to be in that situation where everything is so uncertain... I think regarding his mum you should possibly express your feelings in some way; unless she has a heart of stone she will be touched as you have his mutual interests at heart. You both love him and want to see him home safe.

Whether you can control your emotions enough to discuss this casually, it may do you a lot of good to express how you're feeling about him; I know parents can be very edgy when it comes to same-sex relationships, so I would say taking the person's character into account would be very important here.

Wishing you all the best in this tough time.
#7
Sil Wrote:I'm sorry cutie, I really feel for you there Sad

I don't know what it must be like to be in that situation where everything is so uncertain... I think regarding his mum you should possibly express your feelings in some way; unless she has a heart of stone she will be touched as you have his mutual interests at heart. You both love him and want to see him home safe.

Whether you can control your emotions enough to discuss this casually, it may do you a lot of good to express how you're feeling about him; I know parents can be very edgy when it comes to same-sex relationships, so I would say taking the person's character into account would be very important here.

Wishing you all the best in this tough time.

Thanks a lot. It's really beginning to take a toll on me, and I am trying to figure out how to not think about it at all. Sometimes I stay up all night and just watch him sleep. And what's even worse is the fact that I feel like I should tell him to just get discharged. Should I just be honest and tell him how I really feel? I just don't want to feel guilt that I ended his career.Cry
#8
DRW Wrote:Thanks a lot. It's really beginning to take a toll on me, and I am trying to figure out how to not think about it at all. Sometimes I stay up all night and just watch him sleep. And what's even worse is the fact that I feel like I should tell him to just get discharged. Should I just be honest and tell him how I really feel? I just don't want to feel guilt that I ended his career.Cry

No problem...

I can easily imagine how it would, if I was in that same situation I'd be torn. I've found with various worries over the years that there are only limited successes in supressing emotions; you could become more active and focus on yourself, but there is no easy solution, and it takes a lot of work to 'forget'.

*sighs* I don't know what to say but I do know this - having him discharged from a job he clearly wants to do will not benefit either of you and cause a lot of resentment on his part. You would be making your decision for him, and possibly jeapordising his future; which while in the interest of his safety, can come to no good. I would want to do the same as well, because I loved him (in theory, I might add). Feeling guilt over it will be a given, something that will happen regardless. The more I think about it the harder it is.

Tell him how you feel, and what all this means to you; he may not even know. *hugs*
#9
Sil Wrote:No problem...

I can easily imagine how it would, if I was in that same situation I'd be torn. I've found with various worries over the years that there are only limited successes in supressing emotions; you could become more active and focus on yourself, but there is no easy solution, and it takes a lot of work to 'forget'.

*sighs* I don't know what to say but I do know this - having him discharged from a job he clearly wants to do will not benefit either of you and cause a lot of resentment on his part. You would be making your decision for him, and possibly jeapordising his future; which while in the interest of his safety, can come to no good. I would want to do the same as well, because I loved him (in theory, I might add). Feeling guilt over it will be a given, something that will happen regardless. The more I think about it the harder it is.

Tell him how you feel, and what all this means to you; he may not even know. *hugs*

Thanks again man!! I really appreciate the help, and genuine concern. I will tell him exactly how I feel. I will let him know that I will always love him, and always support whatever he wants to do. I never really thought about it until now reading your post, but he's probably trying to be strong for me. He tells me he loves me like every 10 minutes, and it never gets old. It's like I fall deeper in love with him everyday. I don't even know how that is possible after 2 years!! The only thing we ever argue about is who loves who more.

Somehow, I need to get over this and live my life to the fullest. I need to get to the point where I accept whatever God throws my way.

You really don't know how much this has helped me! XOXO
#10
DRW Wrote:Thanks a lot. It's really beginning to take a toll on me, and I am trying to figure out how to not think about it at all. Sometimes I stay up all night and just watch him sleep. And what's even worse is the fact that I feel like I should tell him to just get discharged. Should I just be honest and tell him how I really feel? I just don't want to feel guilt that I ended his career.Cry

You've ever stayed up all night and watched him sleep, haven't you! Oh, so sweet! If he lose your love, that's a his big fucking mistake. I feel so sorry for you about not to help you more than i think. I hope you're always happy with what you got and he'll regret losing you.


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