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I need your help with something
#1

Hi! How are you guys doin'?

I need your advise about something. You see, I have this friend who I'm having sex with, I mean there's no feelings involved. I only think of him as a friend
and he thinks of me as a friend as well, I mean he likes girls more than boys.

Anyway, for some reason, I've been feeling that he's changed, that he lost interest in me
I mean, he used to want to have sex with me a lot. I used to attract him, but it doesn't feel the same now

I dunno, I sometimes say that I'm just reading too much into it and sometimes I just feel like, what if I wasn't, what if he was gonna leave me

I mean, I've been dumped and rejected many times and I don't think I can go through another one of these again.

So, please could you tell me what can I do about it? I mean what can I do to be more attractive to bisexual guys? What can I do to make them want me more? Or maybe even need me? it would be good to know how it feels to be needed. I know, it's kinda selfish, but I can't help it

So, please help me with this thing!
#2
Your post is confusing because you start out talking about how the relationship is just sexual and totally open, then you become possessive and project that possessiveness on his "changing". How can he dump or reject or leave you if there is no relationship beyond simply sex? If he likes girls more and there is not dating relations other than sex and you are not getting enough from him now compared to before, maybe you need to find someone else to have sex with too? Or if you desire to be monogamous why be with a guy who likes girls more and you're not really in a relationship with him except for sex, but you're concerned he isn't attracted to you any more and will leave you? See what I mean? round and round and round... You deserve better and he probably does too!

Best wishes as you sort it out! I love your avatar pic btw! Hope you'll share more and sort out your thoughts and feelings with us here at GS... it can't hurt and will probably help! Yllove
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
#3
Hold on, you say just friend with benefits? And you think he can dump you. To me it takes more thay that to making being dumped possible. Okay you stop having sex, maybe even stop being fiends, but that isn't being dumped.

So is it friend or something more?

It is selfish, natural but selfish and, maybe you need to examine why you need them? What is it that you don't like about you? What void are you filling with having them seem to need you?

Sort that out and, when you don't actually need to be needed, go find someone. Sure it feels good to be needed but, it's lousy to need to be needed. That sets you up for all sorts of heartache and, on a path of broken relationships.

Work on loving you and being okay alone first, you'll be glad you did in the long run.
#4
CCRox Wrote:Your post is confusing because you start out talking about how the relationship is just sexual and totally open, then you become possessive and project that possessiveness on his "changing". How can he dump or reject or leave you if there is no relationship beyond simply sex? If he likes girls more and there is not dating relations other than sex and you are not getting enough from him now compared to before, maybe you need to find someone else to have sex with too? Or if you desire to be monogamous why be with a guy who likes girls more and you're not really in a relationship with him except for sex, but you're concerned he isn't attracted to you any more and will leave you? See what I mean? round and round and round... You deserve better and he probably does too!

Best wishes as you sort it out! I love your avatar pic btw! Hope you'll share more and sort out your thoughts and feelings with us here at GS... it can't hurt and will probably help! Yllove


No, you see I'm okay with him if he wanted to stop having sex with me, but I'm not okay with the idea of him not being in my life. I mean we are really good friends, but I'm just having problem with my feelings. I mean it's not like I'm in love with him or anything
I just feel like I got attached to him way too much, more than his attachment to me and I'm worried what will happen if he ended everything for some reason.

Thanks for your response btw! I'm enjoying it here. I can find people who can understand me and people who I can speak to about these kind of things.
#5
Blue Wrote:Hold on, you say just friend with benefits? And you think he can dump you. To me it takes more thay that to making being dumped possible. Okay you stop having sex, maybe even stop being fiends, but that isn't being dumped.

So is it friend or something more?

It is selfish, natural but selfish and, maybe you need to examine why you need them? What is it that you don't like about you? What void are you filling with having them seem to need you?

Sort that out and, when you don't actually need to be needed, go find someone. Sure it feels good to be needed but, it's lousy to need to be needed. That sets you up for all sorts of heartache and, on a path of broken relationships.

Work on loving you and being okay alone first, you'll be glad you did in the long run.

Yeah. He's just a friend, but a real good friend who I really don't wanna lose

I thought about what you said and it had crossed my mind before. I've asked myself for so many years "Why do I need them to be happy?" but I can't find the answer
I mean, it's kinda complicated. I feel so sad when I'm alone. I've spent a lot of time on my own after my ex left me and it hadn't helped me
I mean it made me even more depressed and sad. I'm just the kind of person who gets attached to people way too much
and I'd think about the day that they would leave me and they usually do, so that left me with some kind of insecurity.

I dunno if what I'm saying is making any sense, but I just got those feelings bottled up inside of me
and it's hard for me to write them out in order. They just come out running the minute I let go of them lol
#6
Azoo0ooz Wrote:
So, please could you tell me what can I do about it? I mean what can I do to be more attractive to bisexual guys? What can I do to make them want me more? Or maybe even need me? it would be good to know how it feels to be needed. I know, it's kinda selfish, but I can't help it

So, please help me with this thing!

Hmm from what I am seeing. It could be he just doesn't want to have sex or he is getting it elsewhere. If all you are concerned with is if he would stay in your life then you don't have to worry. If he is as good of a friend as you say then even if he lost interest in you sexually then it doesn't mean that you wont be friends or that you are unattractive. It just means that he is satisfied with what he has already.

Now, im sharing a bit of confusion with some of the other posters. about your question how you can be more attractive to bisexual guys. Now is this due to you feeling that you need to be attractive to be friends with him, you want to keep him interested in having sex with you (which you said in reply to previous posts that your ok if you stopped having sex), or you are feeling that you are unattractive? Either way. If the only reason he is your friend because you are attractive then I think you deserve better. If he is a friend he wont leave you due to you being unattractive which i highly doubt is the case.

Stay strong. Stay confident. Remember a friend doesn't abandon another willy nilly. That is IF they are good friends. Just my two cents. Hope things turn out well for you.
#7
Yeah, sorry for not being more clear about that. I asked "how can I be more attractive to bisexual guys?"
because I really don't wanna lose him and I'm worried that he would end it if we stopped having sex.
So, I wanted to be more attractive (which I think I am, I mean kinda. I'm not beautiful, but I'm not ugly either, I might be considered attractive to some people) to keep him interested in me,
so nothing would change. I know it's pathetic lol

Thanks for your response and your kind words.
#8
It isn't pathetic. You are just going through a lot of emotions and confusion. Never think less of yourself. You seem like an awesome guy and if he can't see that and if he leaves then you are pretty much better off without him because friends dont just up and leave after they get what they want.

Of course any time. Stay strong and be more confident in yourself Smile. You will naturally make people gravitate to you by doing so.
#9
Sex complicates things.

Instead of telling us what it is you want from him, you should be telling him.

The problem is not being more attractive to bisexual guys, the problem is you had casual sex and he got bored with it and wants to move on. The understanding was that this was 'just sex'. He got just sex and is finished.
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#10
Hmmm...friendship you say?

I don't think so. From what you have revealed your heart is treating this as a relationship. If you want friendship I think you are going to have to take a step back if you want to keep him as a friend.

Fuck buddies lead to one of 2 things...a relationship or total alienation when one of you get bored.

I would say that he was experimented with his sexuality and that experimentation is coming to an end. Time for you to find a real boyfriend to fill that void.


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