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Is it okay to NEVER come out?
It  seems to me that people who live in countries where being gay is illegal, where it puts them at risk of arrest or physical attack, have very good reasons for staying in the closet.  I think it's hard for many of us to imagine how truly terrifying these situations can be.  I'm not a crusader, I'm not very brave...I don't think I could put my freedom, maybe even my life, at risk that way.  

In the US, where we enjoy so many freedoms, we talk about the psychological damage  staying closeted can do.  But in a lot of these places, LGBT people face a hell of a lot worse .  I think that being in the closet is preferable to being shunned, arrested, flogged, stoned or killed.  I've heard horrific stories from a friend who was deployed to the Middle East several times.  

I would never judge anyone, anywhere, for staying closeted.  It's not for me to say what's right for someone else.  I feel incredibly fortunate to have been able to be out since my early teens when I first realized my orientation.  It's really sad that all of us don't have the same privilege
[-] The following 2 members Like Pyromancer's post:
  • InbetweenDreams, marshlander
I can't imagine spending my life hidden in the closet, and life has been much lighter since I've come out.

That being said, I do accept that some people may have reasons to stay in the closet, and they shouldn't be looked down on for staying in the closet.

As long as they aren't hurting anyone else, they shouldn't be judged.
Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: 
''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!
We can't live in another person's shoes, so we'll never really know what the challenges are for them, but as a lot of the responses from four years ago indicated, there are going to be problems, especially if a partner is involved. No one stays the same and people change at different rates and often move in different directions.

There was a period of years when I was determined I was never going to come out. The result in my case included a lot of mental health issues that have taken years to work through. I'm glad I made the effort though. Despite having lost a lot, I have gained a lot more. These days I feel like a complete person and I don't have to look over my shoulder all the time.

The sooner the state stops supporting superstitious busybodying and prurience by the ignorami and allows individuals to reach fulfilment naturally the better. I imagine where that can happen less is spent on propping up people with health issues.

I can't remember if it was someone on here who shared this yesterday, but I think it is pertinent here:

Well of course it's ok. But if it's mentally healthy to never come out for your own sake, that I doubt.

Technically I haven't come out, it just got out ?
I was together with a trans girl. So people found out ofc.

But lots of weight was lifted off my shoulders.
@FluffyDango It probably isn't healthy to stay in the closet for most.

Just some random thoughts I have thinking on the subject, not really a response.

One of the reasons is being outed and the consequences of that. On the flip side, coming out in some situations might be worse than staying the in the closet depending on things like your peers, employment, the country you live in and so forth. So is it ok to never come out? Well, I think the question is whether or not you are ok with never coming out? I'd wager that most people hate playing the game hiding things from everyone.

So how does one in places where it is unsafe come out? I mean it is easy for us to say, well just move to another country, another state or province...another town or another neighborhood, find another job and so on. I mean some of those are clearly easier to achieve than others and some people may have more resources than others, but it's generally not good advice to suggest to someone in say Russia to just move to the UK, the US or whatever. Most people just can't do it. I guess I really don't have an answer. I will say that most of those in the west are probably ok to come out to at least family, friends. I myself, I'm not really out publicly, as in I don't put pride flags on my car or tell certain people, I don't talk about my private life at work but I'm also not hiding it either. I post pictures of me and my partner on social media and leave it at that.
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All my stuff:
I managed to actually out myself to my Brother a few year ago by accident.

Was walking around his big tent with his then gf.
We were taking about me being attracted to men and woman.
My Brother heard that.
His girlfriend could have also just told him afterwards, not that it changes the outcome all that much... But yeah, pretty difficult to keep something like that under wraps over the long term...
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All my stuff:
(09-13-2021, 08:50 PM)InbetweenDreams Wrote: His girlfriend could have also just told him afterwards, not that it changes the outcome all that much... But yeah, pretty difficult to keep something like that under wraps over the long term...
 Nah, my Brother topd me this weekend that he had heard us talking about it that day ?
Wow - Lots of names I haven't see in years in this thread.

I don't think it matters really what any of us decide to do. Usually people have to ask me - it is a non issue for me and nothing I really want to discuss with anyone - I wouldn't even know what to say. Imagine someone who is straight announcing it to me - an uncomfortable moment because again I wouldn't know what to say. 

I guess I could use some of the lines that straight people use 

That's cool - I knew another straight person once

My brother is straight.

I just LUV straight people

Some of my best friends are straight

I don't have a problem with straight people

I do introduce people to my husband when they are meeting me.  If they have a problem with it - they never say anything. I guess they might figure out I am gay when they know I have a husband. Big Grin 

I can't do the Q&A thing or the "Magical Gay Man" thing Dodgy

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