So far we have raised 10% of our monthly running costs! Thanks for your generosity!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
It gets better...?
#1
I've been watching all the it gets better videos I can find, they all talk about how it get's better after school and once you're an adult and blah, blah, blah... However, I don't care about school, I'm finished now anyway, but even when I was there there was a zero tolerance policy for bullying, and in the last half of my education rules were brought in specifically to stop homophobic bullying. Also in my personal life I've never had problems, I hate to say it but I live in quite an upper-class area and the people I see as the 'usual suspects' to be bullies just don't exist here. I have a brilliant group of friends and now at university I'm even happier with the atmosphere. My university was on Stonewall's Gay Friendly University Guide and the people in my class are very accepting, in fact, and in my opinion even better, they don't care. Like they say in most of the videos, the people in my class don't like me because I'm gay, they like me because I'm me.
The worry that brought me here however is another tangent of my personal life. At home it's not going as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an abused child and never have been, but my parents just aren't accepting. For about a year and a half my Dad resented me. For the last few months of that he didn't even speak to me, at all. We are once again on speaking terms but it's awkward. I know if I ever wanted to bring 'someone special' home he would become inflamed with anger and lash out, not at me, but at the person I brought home. I love my Dad, he supports my family with a job working for people he hates, however I really dislike him for his views about gays and, by default, me.
Again, I don't want to sound like the boy who never got the brass ring, but when I came out my Mum laughed it off with the old as days statements... "It's just a phase." Plus other things similar. My Mum is far, far more accepting than my Dad but whenever anything 'gay' comes up in conversation she changes the subject. I have tried to talk to her about the thing I'm passionate about, like gay rights and she gets annoyed at me. I'm more confused than I am upset in the case of my Mother because on more that one occasion she has asked me in a caring way if I'm seeing anyone, she has told me she doesn't care what I do in life as long as I'm happy and moral and she even gave me a revised version of 'the talk' a while after I came out, because I told her I wasn't a virgin. She has made it obvious to me that she is okay with my sexuality which confuses me when she turns that over and gets annoyed at me.
Neither of my parents are especially religious, in fact I'd say my Dad is an atheist and my Mum is a very liberal Catholic. It's gotten to the point where my Dad is pretty much a lost cause, but I have a good relationship with my Mum.
I don't even really know what I'm asking for here, which sounds silly, but I guess I'm just trying to fill the gap in the advice the It Gets Better videos provide. Any advice at all would be verily appreciated.
Reply
#2
the thing with your mother dont worry, it gets better Wink
Reply
#3
As kids we want the approval of our parents. It's hard to move beyond that desire and having our own life. It hurts because we feel like we are disappointing them in some way. You can know this but it just still takes time to internalize it and live it.

You have to make choices to make it better. No one else is going to do it for you, but your own hard work and respect for yourself. You have to respect the person who looks back at you in the mirror. You have to make the choice on how you want to live every day, and then you do it. It's your life and your expectations for yourself, not your parents.

In my opinion, your work needs to be on establishing your parent's respect for you as an adult. I think you should spend less time worrying about their view of your sexuality and focus on being an adult, your career goals and independence. Live your life.

Cultivate good friends, be a good and kind person, have personal ethics so that the person you are walks before you when you enter the room.
[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]Deep wells must be dug
If you want clear water
Rose-red oh Rose-red
deep waters don’t run still

~ Rammstein - Rosenrot[/COLOR]

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next. ~ Jonas Salk

You don't shine by putting out someone else's light.
Reply
#4
Oh my parents are the same way, my mother is a stupid cunt. My father is tolerant but would rather not talk about it, my mother is nosy and judgmental and a bitch. She has been rude the one time I tried to introduce her to someone I was dating. It drives me crazy because she is supportive of gay rights and gay marriage, and she is close friends with a lesbian. She just can never seem to get over the me being gay aspect.

For me, it helps to step back and try to look at it from my parent's side. My mother takes family very seriously, and she sees a sort of end of the line in me and my brother (who is straight but refuses to marry, instead living with chains of different women). She is not comfortable with the mechanics of gay sex, and she worries about me being lonely, attacked, or getting sick. Her disapproval, while it hurts and angers me at times, comes from a place of love. She once told me not to check out men in public cause it will get me beat up, she thinks anytime my eye wanders I'm undressing people with my mind lol. My mother also has mental health issues, and we have problems between us for reasons unrelated to sexuality.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
Reply
#5
I think your mom knows the right thing to do is accept you, but..she cant quite do that, you know? She will support you, but she can't accept it. I don't think it will get MUCH better than that, but if you give your folks time...who knows, they might just get a little more open minded. I don't think you got anything to worry about, just go on with your life the way you want it to be abd keep cool... :]
PENNYWISE LIVES
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)