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Just don't have the strength...
#1
I came out in my freshman year of highschool, and went through most of highschool "out". During this time, a good number of people were supportive, but I also dealt with a lot of BS. Behind my back, I was "that queer". Even my parents, as open minded as they are, were less than accepting.

By the end of high school, I finally got tired of the crap, and essentially "went back in the closet". I used the pathetic excuse that "because I knew if guys were hot or not, I thought I was gay, but I'm not". Lame right?

Anyway, now I'm 27...I have a wonderful wife who knows I'm bisexual, and accepts it with love. However, to my friends and family, I'm straight...and the lie becomes more of a burden every day. The problem is, I just don't think I have the strength to handle the backlash, be it positive, negative or neutral. Wondering how my brother would react damn near gives me anxiety attacks.

Has anyone experienced this...deflated feeling? I'm not scared so much as just don't want to deal with it. Is that cowardice? Lazy, perhaps? I don't even know if it's a bad thing...but it feels in my chest like life would be easier if my friends and family just knew, so we could move on.

Any advice would be SO appreciated. Should I bother? Should I just be happy that my wife accepts it? Or should I be honest with those I care about, and deal with any backlash that comes my way?

My parents are moving on in both age and health, and I would hate to lose the chance to be honest, but at the same time, I'd hate to burden them with the knowledge.

Jeebus, what do I do?
#2
Confusedmile: Firstly, you are lovely, a gift upon the Earth-special in every way so calm down, take a breath, and relax before you pass out! I don't just "come out" to anyone and everyone, I believe that my private life is just that private. I will honestly answer those who I feel really want to know the truth! But back to your situation- The best way is to believe that those who do not LOVE you unconditionally for whoever or whatever you are do not love you anyway and should not be stealing your shine! If you go to your family as if they have already given up on you, then you won't fear losing them and will be more confident to tell them the truth-because then their opinion doesn't matter! People in your life no matter how much you care for and about them will come and go. you need to be happy with yourself and be happy that you have an amazing/understanding wife who accepts you. Don't worry about losing people in your life who, if they don't care about you, don't deserve your time and energy! Don't waste time on buttholes and concentrate your time on those that love and accept you! Hope you have a blessed day! XOXOXO ; ) hope this helps
#3
my signature says it all
#4
People never know us until they know us. A secret is always a burden. I kept my sexuality secret for many years, even from myself. I believe the mental ill-health I experienced was connected with trying to carry that weight.

Balancing this against other things in your life though is tricky. Although your wife sounds like one in ten million I am sure there are many things about your situation that need to be dealt with very carefully. I fully believe that being out is far better for me than being in the closet ever was. I literally experienced a lifting of the weight I carried and I even began to walk more upright!

I always thought what I eventually came to know about myself would be a burden if I shared it with my parents. Although my mother was in a coma when my father and I were talking about such really deep stuff as we sat in vigil at her bedside during her last few days he has proven his love for me in so many ways. We get on far better now he knows who and what I am than we ever did before I came out.
#5
i guess the question is: why do you want them to know? (e.g. for your peace of mind, desire of acceptance, throw in their face, honesty? )
#6
and, i am being truly curious (not snarky with the question)
#7
Wow, well, it sounds like you realize how lucky you are to have a wife like that!

I'd say, after your wife, everyone else comes second. It doesn't sound like you're ready to blurt it out to all of them yet, obviously. Have you talked it over with your wife?

Technically, coming out as a bi married man shouldn't make any difference at all, since you're already married. But yes I understand that it might have huge consequences for you.


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