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Just new
#1
Yeah, I won't lie, I lurked pretty decently before posting.
Well, I'm 19, and as sad as it sounds, I'm not out nor do I have any gay friends or anyone to talk to, and it can be a little overwhelming at times.
I guess I have a few questions.
Is it common for gay guys to be strictly friends, or is that weird? I know a lot of gay guys either have girl friends, or straight guy friends.
I've only ever been attracted to much older men, if I had to give a number, 40ish. So for me it would be totally legit, to just have a gay friend my own age and we could just hang out all day and have shit in common. But then I think about how it could be weird for them if they suddenly felt an attraction for you or something, right? Things could get dirty. Maybe I'm just conceited.

I guess that's the reason I haven't come out, is that I've never felt a relationship would be practical due to my pretty strict age attraction. I'm not even bi, but I'd rather be with a girl than a guy my own age. Weird? I've thought about it extensively.
But problem stems, I somewhat feel like it's causing anxiety for me. Example, there's this guy at my work, he's one of the cutest guys I've ever seen (I think he's arabic. I can't say for sure. There's another arabic guy around too - SO cute! He wore a hollister shirt once. Can older guys wear hollister and be straight? No ring...) anyways, he has the best smile.
It's so intimidating, the first time I saw him, he smiled at me, I was like holy F, my heart beat so fast and my thoughts became distraught so I basically turn around and ran as fast as I could. Not really, but it was pretty bad. But I'm over that now. One time I was like... "I need a cart. Have you seen a cart? I need one." and he was like "No, people keep taking the carts and not returning them." and I'm all "The dirty criminals. I will find and retrieve your precious carts and we will never again have such a problem."

Obviously it didn't actually go down that way, but I'm pretty sure he laughed after I said something then I left to find a cart. (This really happened. I work at wal-mart by the way, incase you're actually reading and thinking "cart wtf?")
Sorry. So anyways, he came over to where I work (they technically call it work) and I was talking to one of my coworkers and I started laughing then turned around and saw him and my face was like OMG (cause of anxiety) and I stopped laughing and I probably looked like a dipshit.
I don't really know why he came over, but he smiled at me and I was holding a hockey stick for some reason and he asked me how much a hockey stick costs and I replied with the correct amount it would be purchased for. But I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE. So he smiled and left. Conversation fail. Nothing felt appropriate to say in the situation.

Well today I saw him and I was like happy new years (I was pretty slick when I said it), and he's all "you too buddy!" and I fist pumped in my head as I walked away.
And for the rest of the night I was thinking about how I'd go over and strike up a conversation.
(I don't know if he's even gay, I just thought he could be because of he dresses pretty nice and always wears scarfs when he leaves, and has his one ear pierced, and that glimmer in his eye when he smiles. Then once I saw him walking with another guy around his age. And well he's always talking on the phone in the breakroom so I suspect maybe a boyfriend if he is gay but that's cool I just wanted to be friends anyway)
So every time I'd go over, I'd literally see him, anxiety would strike, and I'd peace. It feels like I'm almost cold at times, because I'm so nervous that I can't even give the courtesy to make eye contact. Sometimes I smile though.
Anyways, all I want to do is be able to talk to him. It may seem shallow or weird, but there are only a few people in every crowd that I find interesting (not meaning attractive, but that alone could do it) and I don't feel the need to get close to these other people. I just find them boring. That's probably weird, right?
I mean, I'm friendly with everyone and I don't have a problem with conversing, but with most people I don't feel like putting the effort in to an actual conversation.

I can't believe I just wrote a 5 page story of my life.

EDIT: Oh yeah, so to summarize, I can't talk to any cute guys because the anxiety prevents my voice from being fluent, so I feel like I sound nervous/unconfident, and I'll be too worrying about this in my head to deal with conversation.
#2
Hello and welcome. Smile Thank you for the courtesy of a decent amount of lurking before posting. A lot of people seem to dive right in without getting a feel for the vibe of the site.

Yes, of course friendships are possible. Hell, some of my best friends are gay while some of my best friends are straight. No problem. We all know each others limits.

The anxiety thing is a nuisance, but understandable. Sadly the only thing I can think of is practice. Keep taking opportunities to strike up conversations and hopefully you'll eventually manage more than an incoherent mumble.

Good luck.
#3
Welcome to GS!

I can't really add anything to what Marshy wrote, so often the case.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
#4
Welcome to the GS community of Friends
#5
Friendship is always possible to anyone. It 's just more difficult for gay peers at young age since we all have huge sexual desire. I rather shoot myself than sitting on the couch, watching a gay soap movie with a cute sexy gay dude of my age without touching him. Maybe, friends with benefit is the best.

The anxiety thing is issue to many people ( including me ). You just need to get some practices. However, I know many guys who find that clumsiness and shyness are cute Big Grin
#6
Hello and welcome! Just be yourself and don't think of being in a relationship when you go up to talk to someone, just talk to them as if they were anyone else, they will talk back.
In the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't. You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair... but its the way things are. The choice is yours. ~ Zidane Tribal

Hope is comforting, it allows us to accept fate no matter how tragic it may be. ~ Yunalesca

"Απο μακρυά και αγαπημένοι παρά απο κοντά και μαλωμένοι"

There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met ~ Gonzo
#7
Hi and welcome to GS! That is quite an interesting story you have there. Yeah, I have a gay friend (he's 6 years younger than me though) and we're strictly friends. So yes, gay guys can be friends with other gay guys.
#8
Hi and welcome! :]

You sound just like me, I'm the same. But, really, I can't give any advice because I still don't know how to avoid and overcome this... :?
PENNYWISE LIVES
#9
hi and welcome thats actually an interesting story and its ok to have gay friends but i also have trouble making gay friends too Confusedmile:
#10
Hello! I work at Wal-Mart too, gotta love it, lol!

I'm having trouble making gay friends... or... finding any gay people at all. My gadar's broke.


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