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My time
#1
Hi my name is Alex, on tuesday I have spoken to my wife for 15 years and I openly recognized that I am Gay and that for the last 25 years I have self-denying my feelings toward men. I have punished me all my life, I have prayed and prayed to stop craving and they always come back. I have moved around the world 10 times trying to do a fresh start and again I feel the same. I have tried meditation, tranquilizers I started to smoke compulsively and I couldn´t stop. Until last Tuesday I couldn´t hold it anymore. She is a very nice person and I don´t want to hurt her in any way, she is the mother of my two children and she have supported me all the time. She cried and cried and I tried to comfort her but I told her it was part of me and I don´t want to restrain anymore from now on, it is been so many years of suffering and internal pain, frustration. Now I like, love and accept who I am and it is part of me.

But before that something ticked in my head and I realized that my parents knew it, I understood why they denied me to study architecture or acting and my father brought me a prostitute when I was 18, terrible experience you can imagine. Even the second wife of my father told once and I denied it empathically and I felt insulted when it was the pure truth.

Then I tried to be as discreet and I met my current wife a beautiful person and I clinged to her like an anchor to my straightness but from sometime to now she started to suspect that she didn´t satisfied me sexually, she knows I am not very keen to have sex, she discovered the toys and we have spoken about this but never openly.

Now, after openly spoken and accepting I have never ever felt and still so relieved in my all life, taking this out of your chest, now stop feeling guilt or like I am doing something wrong, NO this is the way I am and for now on,

Whatever will be, will be
The future´s not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera

Thanks Guys
#2
First let me say welcome to G.S.
Congratulations on coming out, I am glad you are feeling free at last.

Coming out is not an easy thing at the best , let alone when there are three other people that have lived your lie with you.( wife and children)

You did the right thing .
#3
welcome to gayspeak.
born that way, nothing you or your wife can do

-so, are you going to stay with your wife as a married couple?
-your wife has to feel bad, she has at least public (between you two) knowledge she has lost you.
-I was married 15+ years to a great lady.
#4
I have spoken to my wife again, she told me that she doesn’t know what to do and Yes she told me that is not the same. Even worst yesterday I couldn´t touch her, but we agree that once I am ready and if I decide to go, she will respect my decision and that I should take care of myself, she told me that she will cry but sooner or later she will accepted, may be she still autodenying it.

The only thing she asked is not cheat on her. Also, she told me if before I leave I want to go and experiment whatever I was free to do so as long is not with somebody else. I am really nervous, on the other hand, now I feel that I don´t want to hide again, I want to be myself for the first time in my life and I feel very relief.
#5
congrats on what must have been a very difficult decision to make - you and your wife may not see it right now but it must be better for you both in the end, living a lie would only hurt you both
#6
You will find that there are other people here who have been married and have kids, Zorba (from "Zorba the greek") answered his friends question "are you married" like this, Am I married? Wife, children, house, the full catastophe", James
[Image: images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcRz-Six7p24KDjrx1F_V...A&usqp=CAU]
#7
James Wrote:You will find that there are other people here who have been married and have kids, Zorba (from "Zorba the greek") answered his friends question "are you married" like this, Am I married? Wife, children, house, the full catastophe", James

Yes, Zorba the Greek, geat movie with Anthony Queen. Honestly all this prove that evertything is temporary in life,
#8
Do you think one can remain married with a woman? when she knows you don´t like woman, I have told her everything, you are openly Gay, if someone ask me I am not afraid of anymore.

Or is a matter of time she realizes that is not much she can do it and we end up as friends, what do you think?
#9
Bricg1970 Wrote:Do you think one can remain married with a woman? when she knows you don´t like woman . . .

In all fairness, no. You need to find your new life and, in time, so does she.

All the best for the future. Bighug
Still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.
#10
Bricg1970 Wrote:Do you think one can remain married with a woman? when she knows you don´t like woman, I have told her everything ...

YES
it is possible to remain with your wife.
you took an oath to remain together sickness and health, the modern definition of gay is not precisely covered in those terms but i am sure the original definition of marriage was meant to extend there. You have a good friend who still loves you and desires you as a man. THAT IS A LOT.

Being gay is not a cult thingy. It does not make your dating life easier. The chances of finding your self a new husband is slight and you will make lots of personal compromises as a couple. Any relationship; gay straight or bi, IS THE SAME.

If your married and plan to stay, i would suggest being aware of the HIV. You could infect your wife, that would be beyond bad. There are various serious STD situations that can be transmitted by touch. Google is your friend. There should be a local free STD clinic in your area that you can get tested at and can give you accurate information.

i was in a straight marriage for 15 years
about 2001 i came out to my self as gay. I hung out and dated a few boys. I came to the conclusion the relationship with my wife was more or less as solid as the best gay date i could find but no more. I would have stuck with the wife but seems we never were able to get back together. Sorry for making everything so complicated, consider EVERY option. Best wishes.


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