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Openly gay but dislike (most) gay males?
#1
I'm more or less an openly gay male. When I'm dating someone seriously, I always hold hands in public, and with one of my past partners, we would make out on one of the university shuttles in front of other students.

However, I often feel a general animosity towards almost all gay males. The only gay friends I have are former/current partners.

I think it's because I may see things in white/black. If someone doesn't reciprocate my feelings, then for all purposes they don't exist. But, I also have a hard time making friends in general. So this probably makes it 100000 times harder to make a platonic gay friend who I also find attractive.

On the other hand, I'm totally fine with gay people who I am not attracted to. They don't bother me and I have an easier time being friendly with them.

So, I'm trying to think what category I would fall into. Are there openly gay men who also have an animosity to most other gay men (any famous examples ? ). I know there are such things as closeted homophobes and such.

But I'm not closeted by any means, or ashamed of my sexuality (e.g. my pretty bold PDA), and I like to believe I'm LGBT rights friendly / supportive.

Does this make me a gay male misogynist?
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#2
No, this just means you're picky about the company you keep. Sounds like you understand your feelings pretty well by knowing it's that much harder to find friends, boyfriends, etc.
Since you know that it's either you accept that's the way things are, or figure out what makes you feel like that and try to go outside of your comfort zone. Why do you not like other gay people?
I find that I'm not fond of the "stereotypical HGTV/MTV gay" and our personalities usually clash so I take it for what it is and handle myself accordingly. I don't think there's a category that needs to be placed on it.
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#3
You have a lot of company...ALOT.....I think you may even be in the majority...

Personally...I have gotten more shit from gay men than I ever got from any straight person.....

The reason....oppressed groups of people oppress each other..it is a sociological phenomenon...well studied....

If I want to get picked apart and ridiculed...all I have to do is take a walk down Castro Street and listen to the cackling gay men who think they are witty and/or funny rip people apart....

I worked full time in a gay nightclub for 20 years so I am so very familiar with the behavior of gay men...

Me? I dislike anyone who criticizes anyone else's looks or clothes or hair or age or race or weight....instant turn off...I find them extremely unattractive human beings and keep them all at arm's length. I managed to go 20 years 5-7 days a week in an all gay environment with thousands of gay men and not even once criticize anyone's appearance ...I don't even think it to myself...I think it is tacky and I am embarrassed for the people who do it.....

Having said that...I think you might have a different problem. You say you only dislike men you are attracted to...this sounds like something specific to you and not really about them since you don't have that problem with gay men you aren't attracted to...
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#4
sethmachine Wrote:I'm more or less an openly gay male. When I'm dating someone seriously, I always hold hands in public, and with one of my past partners, we would make out on one of the university shuttles in front of other students.

However, I often feel a general animosity towards almost all gay males. The only gay friends I have are former/current partners.

I think it's because I may see things in white/black. If someone doesn't reciprocate my feelings, then for all purposes they don't exist. But, I also have a hard time making friends in general. So this probably makes it 100000 times harder to make a platonic gay friend who I also find attractive.

On the other hand, I'm totally fine with gay people who I am not attracted to. They don't bother me and I have an easier time being friendly with them.

So, I'm trying to think what category I would fall into. Are there openly gay men who also have an animosity to most other gay men (any famous examples ? ). I know there are such things as closeted homophobes and such.

But I'm not closeted by any means, or ashamed of my sexuality (e.g. my pretty bold PDA), and I like to believe I'm LGBT rights friendly / supportive.

Does this make me a gay male misogynist?

I get this. I feel bitter towards attractive gay people. Maybe it's because I know they probably don't like me.
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#5
himself Wrote:I get this. I feel bitter towards attractive gay people. Maybe it's because I know they probably don't like me.

Other than perhaps picking up on your on dislike for them, why would they dislike you...?
~Beaux
Life is beautiful, and wonderful, and strange. Cool
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#6
Beaux Wrote:Other than perhaps picking up on your on dislike for them, why would they dislike you...?
~Beaux

You got me. I dislike them because I dislike them. It's a circular thing. Maybe I just have to feel superior to people. I'm a C U Next St. Swithin's Day.

Anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you. You're sideways.

EDIT: I misread your post. This thread isn't about me so I shouldn't talk about myself... Ah, go on then, you pulled my arm! They would dislike me because I'm a bit crude. My hobbies involve blowing my nose and not washing.
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#7
If I may play armchair psychologist here, [MENTION=21654]sethmachine[/MENTION], your post makes me want to explore your self-confidence and self worth. If you can't befriend people you find attractive but can befriend people you seem to find less attractive than yourself, then from over here it looks like you are building yourself up by being "more attractive" than your friends. It may not even be conscious. If you have a sense of competitiveness with guys you find attractive, but not with guys you don't find attractive, then maybe it's time to look at why you are basing things on physical features at all.
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#8
It's a different thing for people "not to exist" for you and having animosity towards them. The first indicates indifference and indifference is not animosity.

Animosity means they have an effect on you, ergo, they exist for you.

It's also really telling that you begin your post with saying "almost all gay males" and then say "only the ones I'm attracted to"

I think you may be, unconsciously or not, trying to enact a self defense mechanism here in which anyone who doesn't like you back instantly is a person worthy of your hatred.

Then, the problem is not you, it's them, right? How dare they not like you? And your ego (conscious self, this is) remains mentally healthy.

This is a certain version of a "reaction formation" process: an emotion that is anxiety-inducing (you liking a guy that doesn't like you back), something that your conscious self can't handle, is turned into the opposite emotion to help you deal with it.
[Image: 05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp]
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#9
himself Wrote:You got me. I dislike them because I dislike them. It's a circular thing. Maybe I just have to feel superior to people. I'm a C U Next St. Swithin's Day.

Anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you. You're sideways.

EDIT: I misread your post. This thread isn't about me so I shouldn't talk about myself... Ah, go on then, you pulled my arm! They would dislike me because I'm a bit crude. My hobbies involve blowing my nose and not washing.

No, you elaborated quite well. I can see it now.
~Beaux
Life is beautiful, and wonderful, and strange. Cool
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#10
I'm confused.

Do you feel animosity towards gay men you find attractive?
Or do you feel indifferent toward them (ignore their existence)?

If it's the first, I'd say that [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] may have hit the nail on the head.

The thing is tho? Think about this a minute. A LOT of straight men don't have chicks for friends. They're either on the guy's radar because he has a chance to fuck them, or they don't exist and/or aren't worth his time.

Maybe this is a mentality you're falling into with gay men?
[Image: Signature500.jpg][Image: Signature502.jpg]
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