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Regarding bisexuality...(please help)
#1
Hello everyone. This could probably also qualify as coming out, but I'm really in need of some sound advice. Currently, only a hand full of people in my life know that I am bisexual. It isn't that I'm insecure in my feelings toward both men and women that is keeping me from telling people about my orientation, more just a concern that people won't understand what being bisexual means (to me at least).

When the word bisexual is mentioned, I get the impression that a good portion of people think only along the lines of "hot" girl on girl action used solely to get attention from a man. It seems to me that most girls who claim they are "bisexual" use the term mainly as an ace in the hole to be noticed. Thus, I worry that some people disregard bisexuality as a sexual orientation. What's unfortunate to me is that my train of thought is no where near what I've just described. To me, being bisexual goes beyond sexual relationships. True, I find pleasure in sleeping with both sexes equally. But honestly, I was one hundred percent sure of my orientation when I could visualize having a healthy, loving relationship with either a man or a woman.

My question then would be: how do I let those I am close to know that when I say I'm bisexual, it has nothing to do with seeking attention or a "hotness" quotient? I can see some people around me cautiously accepting this, but others I can see being completely choosing not to believe me. This is a bind I've been for quite a while now, but I haven't yet found a place to seek advice.

Thanks to anyone with some insight! Confusedmile:
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#2
I'm afraid I have nothing useful to say regarding your specific question, but an observation that far from having the best of all possible worlds, bisexual people often seem to have the worst. Not only are you usually misunderstood by straights, but often also by gays.

How do you see your life ahead? Do you see it as a series of monogamous relationships, a monogamous relationship with one person, or something more fluid?
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#3
read up on the latest clinical stuff. good to have more than someone's imported belief system. i guess in the ends its all just that way but see what drives your feelings?

if there are gay and straight; there is an in between, some gay men will disavow the existence of the bisexual.

express how sincere you would be with your partner and how they could love you in the same way and be different.
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#4
scrumptious Wrote:Hello everyone. This could probably also qualify as coming out, but I'm really in need of some sound advice. Currently, only a hand full of people in my life know that I am bisexual. It isn't that I'm insecure in my feelings toward both men and women that is keeping me from telling people about my orientation, more just a concern that people won't understand what being bisexual means (to me at least).

When the word bisexual is mentioned, I get the impression that a good portion of people think only along the lines of "hot" girl on girl action used solely to get attention from a man. It seems to me that most girls who claim they are "bisexual" use the term mainly as an ace in the hole to be noticed. Thus, I worry that some people disregard bisexuality as a sexual orientation. What's unfortunate to me is that my train of thought is no where near what I've just described. To me, being bisexual goes beyond sexual relationships. True, I find pleasure in sleeping with both sexes equally. But honestly, I was one hundred percent sure of my orientation when I could visualize having a healthy, loving relationship with either a man or a woman.

My question then would be: how do I let those I am close to know that when I say I'm bisexual, it has nothing to do with seeking attention or a "hotness" quotient? I can see some people around me cautiously accepting this, but others I can see being completely choosing not to believe me. This is a bind I've been for quite a while now, but I haven't yet found a place to seek advice.

Thanks to anyone with some insight! Confusedmile:

Here's my story in a nutshell as a bi- man.

I've known that I was bi- for years, but was never with a man until last year at the age of 42. I'm essentially in the closet, not because of shame, but more out of a matter of privacy. I feel it's essentially no one's business who I spend my private time with.

Of course it's YOUR decision to come out and what labels you choose to identify yourself. But sometimes I just wonder, why bother?

The bi- label just *barely* describes how I really feel. It's totally insufficient and therefore I'm reluctant to ask people to "see me that way"....if you know what I mean.

Just my honest opinion.
Good luck with everything.
Smile
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#5
crazy thing is that my best friend asked me if i was bi-sexual because it was the "thing" today. I was really annoyed by that question. it was hard enough telling him and he doubts my reason. After i told him it wasnt just a way to get attention that i really am attracted to both sexes he accepted it.
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#6
There is recent research out confirming the presence of true bisexuals identities. No surprise hugh?
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#7
marshlander: The difficult thing with trying to evaluate relationships in the future is that I'm still young. I do know that eventually, I would like to be in a monogamous relationship with just one person. However, being that I haven't quite found that person yet, I'm sure that a few other monogamous relationships will lead up to that point in my life. The difficulty then is that I could have those relationships with either a man or a woman. I've had both so far, and not being able to be honest with everyone in my life about past relationships with women has eventually led to the downfall of those relationships (LateBloomer, while I agree that it isn't necessarily for everyone to know who I spend personal time with with, this is the issue with not being upfront about it. You gave me quite a bit to chew on, but in reflecting on past relationships, I'm really not too sure if that route would work the best for me.)

My problem then loops right back around on itself. If I do happen to lead multiple monogamous relationships, some with men and some with women, my fear is the same: that people who mean a lot to me will have a negative view of my relationships and lifestyle, mostly in a sexual context.

SleepTalker: That question is exactly the type of inquiry that I'm afraid will arise. I'm so glad to hear that your story had a positive outcome, I only hope that I will be so lucky if I do end up being upfront about myself with others in my circle.
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#8
scrumptious Wrote:marshlander: The difficult thing with trying to evaluate relationships in the future is that I'm still young. I do know that eventually, I would like to be in a monogamous relationship with just one person. However, being that I haven't quite found that person yet, I'm sure that a few other monogamous relationships will lead up to that point in my life. The difficulty then is that I could have those relationships with either a man or a woman. I've had both so far, and not being able to be honest with everyone in my life about past relationships with women has eventually led to the downfall of those relationships (LateBloomer, while I agree that it isn't necessarily for everyone to know who I spend personal time with with, this is the issue with not being upfront about it. You gave me quite a bit to chew on, but in reflecting on past relationships, I'm really not too sure if that route would work the best for me.)

My problem then loops right back around on itself. If I do happen to lead multiple monogamous relationships, some with men and some with women, my fear is the same: that people who mean a lot to me will have a negative view of my relationships and lifestyle, mostly in a sexual context.

SleepTalker: That question is exactly the type of inquiry that I'm afraid will arise. I'm so glad to hear that your story had a positive outcome, I only hope that I will be so lucky if I do end up being upfront about myself with others in my circle.

You'll get it sorted out eventually.

It took me nearly 20 years.

Smile

In the meantime, you might enjoy your privacy. (I'm not encouraging you to stay in the closet, just pointing out that closets exist and serve a purpose.)

When YOU are comfortable with the dichotomy of being bi- then it simply won't matter what others think about your various partners. If you're never comfortable, then you'll value your privacy more.

Time will tell. And either way, all that matters is your happiness and that of your partner(s).

Smile

This is not gospel, but just my opinion.
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#9
Thanks so much for pointing this out to me. Being comfortable in my life and choice of partners does have to come from me. As I said before, I am still young, so I'm sure that in time things will fall in to place. Confusedmile:
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#10
One unfortunate thing I've noticed is that it does seem more common for people to associate bisexuality in women to promiscuity or just trying to get randy guys into them, a grossly unfair stereotype to apply to the whole group that has to make it tough on genuinely bi females. I haven't noticed this stereotype applied as much to bi males, though ironically one of the most notorious slutty creeper types in my area who is bi is a guy. There are sluts of all shapes, sizes, sexes, and sexual orientations.

Really, there's not much if anything you can do about people's preconceived notions. If you have some people close to you who have earned your trust and whose trust you've earned, they should be able to look past the bullshit filter of any preconceived notions and see that the friend before them is the same friend they had before, bi or not, and maybe even a better, more open one. But your mileage may vary.
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