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Retirement Home
Three old ladies were sitting side by side on patio chairs at their Orlando retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled from years past shopping at the local Piggly Wiggly and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Mildred and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”

She asks, “What?” and he replies


Mildred exclaims, “Why you old fart, you couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”

“I know,” Howard says, “but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while.”

“Well, I can oblige”, says Mildred, who gently unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Howard’s manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K.

She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who s
holding Howard’s manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don’t have?!?”

Howard smiled happily and replied, “Parkinson’s!”

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