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Slowly... First online
#1
There. I am taking the fourth step.

First was in acknowledging it.

Second was in telling a select few friends (at least one of whom knew.

Third is putting it into words by changing my profile status away from "Single Bi". Granted, it's not out loud, or directly typed, but I did this much, and for me it's huge.

Fourth is this, and, so far, the hardest: I am going to type it. Right here. Right now. And it scares the hell out of me. But I *have* to do it, because acceptance of oneself is so important. Here goes:

I am not straight. I am not bisexual. I. Am. Gay. Me. I am gay. I am a single mom finally acknowledging she is gay.

Beyond that, I don't know what to say. But at least I finally put it into words. My body is tense. I want to cry. I have yet to feel relieved, but I suspect that is on the way. Oh, and I posted this on a forum section called "Coming Out."

For so many reasons, it is not wise to come out publicly. I won't get into that. Right now, this is a safe place to say it. Those three words that have haunted me for a long time. Sometimes buried, sometimes on the surface, but always there, never gone. I'm going to type it one more time, because it's still surreal.

I am gay.

Six letters. The whole world. I'm freaking exhausted. But as soon as I click the button to post, I have taken one more step to Who I Am.
#2
The next step is to say it out loud. Maybe. Soon.

**Melodramatic much?**
#3
Well it's a step in the right direction, everything feels a lot less complicated when we can be honest.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
#4
Well done and take your time, you can't and shouldn't rush these things, take each steps only when you are comfortable and confident enough to do so Wink
#5
Yaay! Bounce

Feel better now? Bighug
Still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.
#6
the same sex preference, dosnt change things in your life.
a goal is the ability to maintain a successful same sex relationship.
#7
GossamerMoon Wrote:The next step is to say it out loud. Maybe. Soon.

**Melodramatic much?**

Or wear the T-shirt. Confusedmile:

Good for you GossamerMoon.Confusedmile:
#8
Go girl!

I know, it feels huge right now but it really doesn't turn your life upside down. You are still the same you, just now you are acknowledging and accepting a part of you that you were unable to acknowledge or accept before. You really have n changed you personality, your favorite color, favorite food, style of clothing you prefer, or how you related to and interact with your children. You are still the same old you.

The thing that has changed is that you accept that if you do find another life long partner, that person will be a woman, same as you.

The way I see it, a person is more than the body they are in and, it's the person inside we fall in love with, the body is just the bit that turns us on, so why shouldn't that body be the same as our own?
#9
Blue, I've seen your posts here and there. You are a sweetie! ::hugs::

You're right, of course. All these things have gone through my mind. And, um, with allowing myself to see things this way, certain, ahem, things are suddenly easier. :redface: Not sure if this is where to say this, but I will just say that, for the first time in my life, I was able to pleasure myself. It was the first time I wasn't trying to imagine guys. Maybe that's something to keep to myself, but wow, that kind of thing is momentous.

And... I don't think I'll ever mention that again. But just once, I had to! ::really blushing::

Also, I think that confirms things. Just sayin'.

Okay, going to go about my day. Nothing to see here. :Confusedcrams::
#10
Thanks Gossamer.

I know it's hard to do so early on in accepting your sexuality, but in time you will come to relax and even play and joke casually with it.

Who knows, someday your kids might even be telling their friends about their mom and step mom and, you'll be proud as punch that they are praising you and your partner. Smile

On another note, small towns do make it harder to keep it a secret. I live outside a small, conservative, southern town. Not that I ever hid being gay when I moved here, but I never advertised it intentionally either. Within a year everyone knew I was gay and, other locals of alternate sexuality came out of the woodwork around here. Still a conservative small town with more Baptist churches than gas stations but, not once has anyone been hateful, rude or disrespectful to me, or any of the other eight LGBT in the area.

You might be surprised when it does come out and you get "Oh, yeah Jane and Nancy are too, but you aren't supposed to know that." with a laugh. Smile


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