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So, what's it all for?
#1
First I gotta start this with saying at this point in time i'm not depressed or suicidal..

that being said.. I say this because it may come across that I am.

So I posted another thread a month ago perhaps.. on the topic of moving out of an intolerant area.. I've committed myself to doing this.. I've been walking around in my house with the lights off and using a flashlight to go into rooms I don't need in order to save money..

I'm selling stuff I don't need or can buy again later.. games movies junk like that..

I'm doing my best to fix my house so I can sell it..

I've got a small pile of down payment forming and I've found a number of neighborhoods here in the area that look like nicer places that, hopefully.. would have more intelligent and therefore more tolerant people in them. Certainly more rational people..

So it's christmas ya know.. a holiday I used to really like but the gay thing has sort of pushed me away from religion.. ya know.. "abomination" and all that.. so I haven't been trying to celebrate it this year.. no tree, no presents etc.

The last few days my parents have been calling me trying to guilt me into buying them something.

I told them not to buy me anything this year.. I tell them every year.. do not buy me anything.. keep your money. I have a job, I have money.. don't give me stuff.. if I need it I'll buy it myself.

Obviously they ignore me and buy stuff anyway.. then seemingly.. become irritated if I don't buy them something.. my mother told me last night that I "didn't have a very christian attitude."

so this all has me thinking.. about a number of things first and foremost does it mean that I'm a bad person because, after literally walking around int he dark, using a space heater instead of my hvac to keep warm, scraping every penny together I can.. to not give them something? My father suggested a $50 gift card.. I'm sorry but right now $50 may as well be $5000.. I just can't justify an expense that large.

this has gotten me thinking deeper.. as I always do I internalize and sort of.. meditate on things that are said or done.. I don't have the best relationship with my parents (my father is and always has been verbally abusive, though I don't think he realizes it) but they do both love me very much and have always done things for me with the slightest request, even if it means sacrifice on their part.

so what's it all for? This life.. why are we here? That's the point I've come to in my thought processes.. certainly, we're here for the same reason other living things are right? What's a bacteria here for? .. well.. to reproduce of course.. my belief is that life exists to perpetuate life.

That being said.. what am I here for then? I don't want to reproduce.. I don't like kids, I don't want kids.. I don't want the whole wife thing (though I suppose a husband is fine..) Is life about nothing more than taking care of the people around you? Do you never get to spend the fruit of your labor on yourself without being a bad person because of some arbitrary celebration of the winter solstice adopted by Christians in 00001AD to replace the pagan rituals in an effort to stamp out other religions? I told my mother.. I'll be happy to shower you in gifts when this is over but right now I need every penny.

My neighbor last night was having yet anther fight in their driveway.. and the woman was doing burnouts in the driveway.. she would burn out up the driveway, reverse down it, then do it again. She did this 5 times at least.. then stood with the door open laying on the horn and screaming at her husband. This was from about 8:45-10pm.

This neighborhood threatens my sanity and I have had suicidal thoughts lately because of the possibility of never being able to move on.. So.. to give in to my parents demands of gifts.. to buy them something from my moving savings is a very tough dilemma for me.. I worry about my own mental state in this place.. my sense of self preservation has put it's faith in moving away from this horrid place.

Thanks for reading.. and to those who may recommend a psychologist.. yes perhaps it's a good idea, but right now.. extra expenses are not an option.
#2
I don't know if it will help at all because my solution might be too severe but when they were alive...I divorced my parents...my mom completely and my Dad maybe 75%. I told them firmly beforehand to stop with the dogma and forcing their will on me for no good reason except for a need to control. People said I would regret it...they were wrong. I would make the same decision again if given the chance. Good Luck.....truly. I hope you get to move soon. People are often concerned with getting their parents to accept them as they are and are always trying to meet whatever standards are set for them. I say it works both ways...respect is mutual and dont' expect to get what you dont' give.
#3
first NO life is not just about reproduction that is a catholic thing.
second if you look at life like a movie YOU are the director YOU decide what you do ad who you are not your parents siblings or anyone else.

you are doing fine you are a good person who has set a goal and is doing everything you can to make it happen BRAVO!!!

third go door to door in the neighborhoods you are looking at talk to the people who live in them and see what kind of people they are. Explain you are thinking of moving to that area and want to know something about it.
ask around in LBGT spots/ businesses where the gay people are living and see if those areas appeal to you.

These are of course suggestions I did this when i moved to Madison Wi. and it has been a good place for me thus far.

I do believe there is an LBGT web site for every major city check there as well.

you are fine keep going and best of luck in your search
#4
Well, maybe having a creative attitude. Breeding is just creating, right, it can be done other ways if you look at it - to look at each day as a little drawing or something to do...

I trust that life has meaning, as an article of faith, really... even if I don't know what that meaning might be, we have our own feelings to go on. Like, your neighbours. Who needs this, right? And you're doing the right things, planning to move. I don't think I need to tell you that this kind of fanatic religion is no good... I mean, knowing basic right from wrong, kind from cruel, ignorant from informed, it really isn't rocket science...

I'm not trying to come across as superior here. I just think you're doing the right things, and basically know it. Don't please worry that you're in the wrong somehow, just because you don't fit in with backyard dragstrippers and the Rites of Retail Santa. Really, when the surroundings are stupid, or prejudiced, or cruel, it is a sign of inner goodness to be out of sync with all that. I know it sounds silly, but Merry Christmas anyway, friend. This will all probably look like "you paid your dues" in a while. Better days are ahead, I just know it. The old crappy stuff is on the way out. You rock.
#5
first off i'm sorry you are having such financial difficulty right now, i know how that is and it sucks. thing's do get better though time will tell...keep saving..slow n steady wins the race. i know this is going to sound really cheesy but you could always make your parent's a card or something, or buy them one with a letter of appreciation and love inside. i do realize though my cup of tea isn't everyone's and if you think they will not like it or actually make fun of you because it doesn't involve dollar signs then don't do it. they just might appreciate it though.. good gifts don't always cost a lot. i know what it's like to shy away from religion/spirituality because of what most(not all) christian's say about homosexuality. i use to be very concerned with this and question myself all the time as i believe a lot of people do that were raised with religion and being gay. now though...fu** them! don't let judgemental pricks take away from your joy in this life or even a spiritual experience. why are we here? that is too deep of a question to give one simple answer too... i think it some's it up in my belief to love unconditionally, and be loved unconditionally. of course there is the whole job/career/family thing too... Smile goodluck

Dville118 Wrote:First I gotta start this with saying at this point in time i'm not depressed or suicidal..

that being said.. I say this because it may come across that I am.

So I posted another thread a month ago perhaps.. on the topic of moving out of an intolerant area.. I've committed myself to doing this.. I've been walking around in my house with the lights off and using a flashlight to go into rooms I don't need in order to save money..

I'm selling stuff I don't need or can buy again later.. games movies junk like that..

I'm doing my best to fix my house so I can sell it..

I've got a small pile of down payment forming and I've found a number of neighborhoods here in the area that look like nicer places that, hopefully.. would have more intelligent and therefore more tolerant people in them. Certainly more rational people..

So it's christmas ya know.. a holiday I used to really like but the gay thing has sort of pushed me away from religion.. ya know.. "abomination" and all that.. so I haven't been trying to celebrate it this year.. no tree, no presents etc.

The last few days my parents have been calling me trying to guilt me into buying them something.

I told them not to buy me anything this year.. I tell them every year.. do not buy me anything.. keep your money. I have a job, I have money.. don't give me stuff.. if I need it I'll buy it myself.

Obviously they ignore me and buy stuff anyway.. then seemingly.. become irritated if I don't buy them something.. my mother told me last night that I "didn't have a very christian attitude."

so this all has me thinking.. about a number of things first and foremost does it mean that I'm a bad person because, after literally walking around int he dark, using a space heater instead of my hvac to keep warm, scraping every penny together I can.. to not give them something? My father suggested a $50 gift card.. I'm sorry but right now $50 may as well be $5000.. I just can't justify an expense that large.

this has gotten me thinking deeper.. as I always do I internalize and sort of.. meditate on things that are said or done.. I don't have the best relationship with my parents (my father is and always has been verbally abusive, though I don't think he realizes it) but they do both love me very much and have always done things for me with the slightest request, even if it means sacrifice on their part.

so what's it all for? This life.. why are we here? That's the point I've come to in my thought processes.. certainly, we're here for the same reason other living things are right? What's a bacteria here for? .. well.. to reproduce of course.. my belief is that life exists to perpetuate life.

That being said.. what am I here for then? I don't want to reproduce.. I don't like kids, I don't want kids.. I don't want the whole wife thing (though I suppose a husband is fine..) Is life about nothing more than taking care of the people around you? Do you never get to spend the fruit of your labor on yourself without being a bad person because of some arbitrary celebration of the winter solstice adopted by Christians in 00001AD to replace the pagan rituals in an effort to stamp out other religions? I told my mother.. I'll be happy to shower you in gifts when this is over but right now I need every penny.

My neighbor last night was having yet anther fight in their driveway.. and the woman was doing burnouts in the driveway.. she would burn out up the driveway, reverse down it, then do it again. She did this 5 times at least.. then stood with the door open laying on the horn and screaming at her husband. This was from about 8:45-10pm.

This neighborhood threatens my sanity and I have had suicidal thoughts lately because of the possibility of never being able to move on.. So.. to give in to my parents demands of gifts.. to buy them something from my moving savings is a very tough dilemma for me.. I worry about my own mental state in this place.. my sense of self preservation has put it's faith in moving away from this horrid place.

Thanks for reading.. and to those who may recommend a psychologist.. yes perhaps it's a good idea, but right now.. extra expenses are not an option.
#6
Hey, dude...

So...don't feel guilty that you ain't buing them anything. If you don't feel that you WANT to give somebody a Christmas gift, then you don't do it...Apparently, there just ain't anybody who is important enough for you right now that you'd want to get them a gift. And that's okay.

This life is about having thigs your way or making it so that the most important people in your life have things their way...and it'a about being happy with your life and who you are (and making it so that you are happy with it) and making the closest to you people happy... Everything else is part of the background.

And I don't think that Christmas is that much about religion these days...it's more about the tradition...if it'll make you feel happy and content, celebrate at least a bit.

Awakening

Here's a nice story...I think you may like it, it's short one. I'm not saying I neccessarily agree with the things said in there, but...it's all gotta be your way. :]

Happy Holidays!
PENNYWISE LIVES
#7
Dville118 Wrote:... so what's it all for? This life.. why are we here? That's the point I've come to in my thought processes.. certainly, we're here for the same reason other living things are right? What's a bacteria here for? .. well.. to reproduce of course.. my belief is that life exists to perpetuate life.

That being said.. what am I here for then?...
Quite a lot of assumptions in your message. Why should we be here for anything? We are simply here and it is one of the quirks of the development of our species that we look for patterns and then we ascribe meanings to them.

I'm with inspiron. Make your mum and dad a nice card, write them a poem, draw them a picture or, for that matter, knit them matching scarves. As a parent I know what meanings I would ascribe were my kids to do something like that for me Confusedmile:
#8
just a note, you don't have to be religious to celebrate Xmas, im a full blown heathen (Atheist) happily and proud, i celebrate xmas as a time of year of sharing, family, and love, and leave god out of it as much as possible (in texas)
#9
I wound up getting my parents a sugar free cake and spending much of the holiday with them. They came up here after christmas and helped me around the house (I was again trying to move.. again.. I couldn't..) and I bought them dinner at least once..

sorry I haven't been back. a lot has happened in the last few months. some good, most bad.

I found out one of my good friends is pregnant. Ya know I guess everyone around me is getting on with this family thing and I'm not going anywhere.. I'm physically aging, god knows that's true, but I'm having less and less in common with my "friends."

now I know how the "forever alone" meme feels.
#10
i'm with marshlander on this one, i don't think we are here for anything specific, only what you make of it. if you need to find some reason for life i always go with a general experience attitude. Get the most out of the life you're given by doing everything and anything you can. (which is sometimes easier said then done)

as for the whole present issue, i'm with other people (and since being atheist) in thinking that christmas should just be a time for good family and good food. Presents are great when you're young but now that i'm older i've realized i don't need a bunch of crap and i'd rather just be with the people i care about. i don't know how to convince your parents of that tho...


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