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So you're out ... but are you out in PUBLIC ??
Hokay, something Drocko17 said in another thread made me think of this ... he mentioned about a day (which I knew nothing about I must say) where all gay people were to go out in public and hold their partners' hands as a demonstration of solidarity ...

... and so I started to think ...

... if you're out, and you're out in public with your partner, how physical are you with them ?

Compared with your average straight couple who will think absolutely nothing of holding each others' hands, exchanging pecks on the cheek etc., etc. ...

My boyfriend and I are more relaxed about it than I had originally thought we would be, which is EXCELLENT. When we see each other or say goodbye to each other at the airport, we give each other a quick kiss on the lips (nothing excessive - just an "I love you" kiss), and we'll hold hands if we're in some of the quieter areas of town ...

... I guess we've just learned to adopt the "if we don't make it a problem, why should it be a problem ?" mentality ...

What about you guys ??


!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
good deal indeed
how gay couples 'behave' in public?
I love this topic. It's fascinated me for ages.

Personally, I assess the situation before I try anything. Look around and see how many people there are, how old they are, and are they likely to jump me if they see me hugging a guy..!

My boyfriend began our relationship terrified of being seen doing anything gay in public, and somehow he's become braver than me - initiating all sorts of things in car parks and on the beach.

And I gotta say - I love it. At that moment in time, I quite frankly couldn't care less if the Deep South of the USA descended on us with their torches, pitchforks and antiquated arguments.

It's just me. And him. And we're loving acting like a "normal" couple. To Hell with anyone else.

So yes. Thumbs-up from an increasingly-open affectionate gay guy!

is there any serious risk? has anyone gone trough a really bad situation being out in public?
It's not anything I've really thought about not doing...

Perhaps because I started my relationship, and being gay really, in foreign countries where you to tend to feel "safe" because it's not our country, ie. real. So I always took a kind of fuck you mnetality and did as I (we) pleased.

It wasn't long before I realized that most people don't care, or at least not enough to make a big deal out of it. People tend to get bullied more for being timid than being out. People take advantage of our insecurities. Don't show any and it puts them in the position of being the aggressor.

We've been ourselves, (and that is very demonstrative), all over the world, and never had a problem. Sometiems we get the occassional odd look, but oh well. We'd get the same if we were a 100 pounds over wieght, handicapped, black, asian or a thousand other things people find not "the norm".

As long as we stay within the perameters of what is behavior that everyone finds acceptable (hand holding, hugging, light kissing, etc.) let them think what they want.
Well said gentlemen - if we want to function normally in a normal society then we must act within what are deemed the norms ... is the logical assessment of the situation ...

... and so kissing, holding hands, etc., etc., are all acceptable ... people might get a bit icky about watching us eating each others faces off, but then that's the same as people walking past straight couples doing it and going "get a rooooom".

I'm glad these are the types of responses that are coming back - they're very encouraging :biggrin:.

Hokay I'm gonna hit the sack now ... à demain, mes amis !


!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
I am like Michael. Most of my relationships started in Japan or Asia and foreigners can get away with a lot there.

My first Japanese bf was really into turning heads in Japan (not that difficult) and I was really into Punk so we made a mess of ourselves in public.

My next and current bf (unfortunately, long distant now) is not very public about his affection (even in private) but everyone tells us that they can tell we are a long time couple. We have our own language.

So I think it depends on the people in the relationship. I cant imagine forcing one partner to be public.

That's another very good point ... I would never force myself upon anybody, in private or in public, as I'm waaaaaaaaaaay too observant of people's comfort-levels to make that mistake ... so it HAS to be a mutual thing ...

... otherwise you just embarrass them (or they you), which can lead to upset, resentment and who-knows-what-else ... Confusedad:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Hee hee, well not quite what I meant. I just happened to be in Japan, my first boyfriend was actually French (damn them all!). But being abroad does afford one the illusion that you can get away with more. Even to this day I would walk in dangerous neighborhoods in Germany, feeling myself to be safe...while I would never do that here, yet Fred would.

Funny thing that. How easily we can escape our upbringing by moving a couple of thousand miles. Comming out for me was a breeze as well, since I did that in Japan as well. Everyone I was with there was a stranger to me, so they just took it as the "norm". Seeing them all take it as normal let me feel good about it as well.

I went from breast stroke to backstroke without missing a beet. But oh was he beautiful.......Anyway.....
Funniest thing...

After all I said before, my day was ruined today by, of all people, a Charver.

We were on the opposite side of the street to him, doing nothing that would suggest being gay, and he shouts across: "Are you gonna hold his hand?"

Why? In the name of God, why!? He had a school uniform on for Pete's sake! Why would he think that!?

That has served only to shatter my confidence in being in public with my boyfriend. So many questions have surfaced now, that weren't there before.

Is it that obvious? Will it ALWAYS be that obvious? Will there be more trouble? Am I destined to suffer through Life because of this?

For God's sake. Why must it be like this...? Cry


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