Hey guys, Ive been reading up on this forum for a few problems I've been experiencing and I just wanna lay out my story to see if anyone can help me out.
I am a 24, and I just got into a relationship with a guy. Basically we are starting to have sex and I've been having a bit of issues. My penis is, from what I gather, more sensitive to pain then the average male. I am circumcised, and basically where its more sensitive is at the head of my penis but on the top side. Also, when I am erect, it hurts for me to move it out of its erect position (straight up). (I see some guys sometimes being able to move it around and stuff, but it hurts for me ).
So basically today I decided to Top my boyfriend and, it wasn't the most pleasant experience. It didn't really feel good for me, and because i was moving my dick a lot, it felt like i was bending my penis.
The thing is, a while back I also bottomed with a guy, and it felt like I was about to take a shit the whole time, and the experience wasn't as great as I expected it to be ether.
Basically, I tried both now, bottom and top, and I don't enjoy ether of themâ¦. I'm kinda freaking out cuz I really like this guy and I don't want him to dump me cuz I'm not enjoying the sex that much. Is there something I'm missing, is there some secret I don't know about. somebody help me pleaseâ¦.
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I'm kicking this because no one replied to it…
FWIW, I don't think this is as uncommon as you might think. You may need to try different positions to see if it makes a difference. It may also be something that changes through time and with experience. If nothing else you might do a search for a sexologist or some qualified professional that specializes in sex related issues like this.
All that said, there are some gay men who aren't interested in anal sex at all. I'm 'sort of' in that camp. What I mean is, it isn't something I do with someone I've just met (and certainly wouldn't do with a total stranger). For me, anal sex is the most intimate and i only engage in it when I feel really turned on and *into* the guy I'm with. (This is all rather ancient history for me, having not been sexual in well over a decade.)
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Nickpixx Wrote:The thing is, a while back I also bottomed with a guy, and it felt like I was about to take a shit the whole time, and the experience wasn't as great as I expected it to be ether.
well, it can quite feel like that, but it's also different. it's an enjoyable experience. there's the prostate stimulation, but also the feeling of his cock moving in and out, the general sensation of having a warm hard object in there, and just the whole thing about a guy holding on to your body and fucking you....it feels good. maybe you're just building up too much expectations. and if you're mentally wound up/nervous it'll be that much harder to get into it. take it slow and enjoy the moment.
also, maybe you could let your partner massage your prostate with his fingers before any penetration occurs. or try oral for a while and move on from there when you feel like it.
in any case, you should be able to communicate with your partner on this subject. it's the worst thing when you're in a relationship and the other guy is not enjoying the sex and not saying speaking up about it either. maybe your partner has some good ideas. he's the one who wants to make you feel good, so talk to him.
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I know the subject itself is probably sensitive, but there are some questions that should be discussed with your doctor and this is one of them. It might just be this is the way you are and you have to learn to live with, but there is nothing wrong with getting a professional opinion just to be sure.
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Sex is all about training your body to different stimuli. I'm going to assume most of your life you've been masturbating a certain way, watching porn, and think you know everything there is to know about sex... Then you get some anxious horny guy who's jumpin' on you and doing stuff to you that you've never had done before and it's like, "WHOA!!! Hold on there! This isn't what I'm used to!?!?!? This doesn't feel the same?!?".
My advice would be to cut down on the masturbation and focus more on what you're feeling with him and try to retrain your body to the new stimulus. Try a few different positions to see if some work better than others for you.
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Borg69 Wrote:Sex is all about training your body to different stimuli. I'm going to assume most of your life you've been masturbating a certain way, watching porn, and think you know everything there is to know about sex... Then you get some anxious horny guy who's jumpin' on you and doing stuff to you that you've never had done before and it's like, "WHOA!!! Hold on there! This isn't what I'm used to!?!?!? This doesn't feel the same?!?".
My advice would be to cut down on the masturbation and focus more on what you're feeling with him and try to retrain your body to the new stimulus. Try a few different positions to see if some work better than others for you.
This makes sense to me. I read an article at some point that talked about how women who masturbate with toys a lot (like vibrators) can lose the ability to cum without vibration, etc. And, thus, have to re-train their bodies to enjoy stimuli without vibration in order to re-learn enjoying sex.
I don't see why the same issue couldn't be said for men, yeah?
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:This makes sense to me. I read an article at some point that talked about how women who masturbate with toys a lot (like vibrators) can lose the ability to cum without vibration, etc. And, thus, have to re-train their bodies to enjoy stimuli without vibration in order to re-learn enjoying sex.
I don't see why the same issue couldn't be said for men, yeah?
Yes. Masturbating frequently solo trains your body to only respond a certain way... then when someone else is driving, often times it doesn't work out quite as well as planned.
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There are manuals out there (The Joy of Gay Sex comes to mind), but people rarely read "how to" books (and to be honest they're not all that definite on subject matter). If your penis is hurting you when erect I would consider consulting a doctor. I've known men who have had difficulty maintaining the necessary hardness a penis needs for penetration and to sustain through sex. Again, I'd see a doctor if you're having that sort of problem. There may be an easy solution available to you. And topping a guy might not be your idea of paradise either. Take it from a bossy bottom (when I have the luxury to receive), bottoming can be a joy on Earth. Especially if I demand it MY Way (cue music).
Now, as for having anal sex, it isn't for everyone. And for most people it isn't rapture the first time. First it's much better to prepare oneself for the onslaught. The guys I know used to facetiously refer to it as douching. In other words, it helps to not have a full rectum. At the very least, relieve yourself before Act 1.
Next you should be stretched...gently...until you can accommodate the girth of a penis. Use your own fingers for this, and do it gently. You should be able to manually stimulate your prostate gland while stretching yourself. It is a patch (you'll only ever feel one side of it through your colon) of skin that is more firm than the tissue surrounding it. It is not far from your anal opening (although most gay erotica seems to suggest that you need a ten inch cock to stimulate it). Gently massaging it - and you really have to be relaxed and comfortable while doing so - can give some men erotic stimulation. Most general practitioner doctors will tell you that it is not uncommon to have a guy become erect during a digital prostate exam. It isn't uncommon, but it doesn't happen all the time either.
Some of the responsibility for you having pleasurable anal sex falls squarely on the shoulders of your partner. In a healthy sexual relationship, that is simply a fact. Your partner should be able to tell fairly easily if he's hurting you, even if unintentional. He can't just dive right in a pound you into the floor.
Communication, even when you're in bed having sex, is necessary the first time with any guy, and with every new guy. Penetration must be slow for the newcomer (pardon the pun). I usually used to ask the guy I was with to stop just after first penetration just so I could get used to him being there. Then, when you're comfortable, he should start a slow push, stopping if you ask him to whenever necessary. Frankly you should never be afraid to say stop, I can't do this. At any time. Ever.
Slow and steady wins the race when you are new to sex. It can (usually does) feel like you're full of crap when you have a penis up your bum. Especially if he's well endowed. Anal sex takes getting used to for most men (although some of us take to it like a duck to water). And speaking of ducks and water, always wear a condom. Barebacking is the single most stupid practice I have seen develop as a fad over the years. The debate is over.
I'll give you a tip, which may or may not be strictly legal in your area of residence: a drink or two can help relax you, and medicinal medication, such as marijuana, is often a great way to relax during your first (his first) plunge.
Like some of the previous posters have said, anal sex isn't for everyone. And it doesn't make you any less gay, or any less a man if you do not enjoy it. If you aren't honest with your boyfriend and continue painful sex only to please him you will probably begin to resent him, and maybe even being gay. Being unhappy and staying silent are not good solutions. You can be happy and have a fulfilling sex life in many, many different (and legal) ways.
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I thought of an addendum to my long winded post above: if you take my advise about having a drink or two to relax or toke on a joint, don't get ripping drunk or drugged out of your mind on something other than pot. Gang rape isn't fun. Well, not unless your up for it anyway.
Just an after thought.
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Maybe you and your partner just need to be patient to try to find the position that works for both of you. If he cares enough, he should be willing to take time with you. If you can't bend your dick, then maybe you need to do doggie style as you top and find the right angle of penetration?
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