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Spoiled myself.
#1
I self identify as a loner. Im having some difficulty adjusting to having my friend back in the picture and in my bedroom. I have been spoiled by my own hand and watching to much porn in the process of getting off. My sexual response has grown accustomed to solo activities. My friend is finding out Im a hard person to please. When he goes down on me it feels good but I havent been able to climax. I am a pretty giving person so Im finding myself feeling more pleasure when Im giving head than receiving it. I find the situation sorta odd. Im slightly baffled on how to change the situation or even if I want to change it.

I was talking to another friend online not to long ago. I told her that if I ever got into a relationship with a person that it would be for the love and companionship. Sex is nice and all but I already know how to pull my own trigger pretty well. I know what I like and how I like it. Currently Im trying to lay off the solo activities and relax more when my friend and I hook up. He has no problem climaxing when we get together. Being a friend with benefits definitely has it's perks however I find myself wanting more some times. My friend identifies as straight yet he was the one that approached me about fooling around again.

He likes to keep things on the down low and gets paranoid about people finding out about us. It can be frustrating at times when we are in the middle of some thing and we have to pause because he thinks he heard something downstairs like my brother getting home. It kinda kills the mood. I can sorta understand where he is coming from however I know for a fact if we were ever caught in the act that my family wouldn't care. In fact they would be happy that Im fooling around with some one. I am planning on discussing this with him and seeing where his head is at. Sounds Im going to be patient with him when it comes to this. My take on it is that he is a closet case that isnt comfortable about being outted so he puts on a facade of being straight as a arrow. I was once in his shoes so I can empathize with him when he gets paranoid.

Am I way off base for wanting to know whats going on? Any other advice on how to remedy this?
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#2
Well given that you are having an ongoing sexual relationship with him, I think it is reasonable to ask questions about what it means to him. Given your friend's attitude to his sexuality, I'm not sure he's in a place mentally or emotionally where he will be able to deliver on the romantic front, at least not now. I think your plan, to talk to him about it, is the sensible course of action.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
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#3
OrphanPip Wrote:Well given that you are having an ongoing sexual relationship with him, I think it is reasonable to ask questions about what it means to him. Given your friend's attitude to his sexuality, I'm not sure he's in a place mentally or emotionally where he will be able to deliver on the romantic front, at least not now. I think your plan, to talk to him about it, is the sensible course of action.

Thanks for the reply. I agree as it stands right my friend wont be to give me the love and companionship I desire. I have come to realize though that I can use this opportunity to explore my sexuality more in depth with a person I feel comfortable with. I would much rather explore with him than some stranger I picked up at the bar on the pretenses of a one night stand. Im still curious about where his motives lie and what he is trying to reap from the arrangement so that is why I am still planning on talking to him about my concerns. I think once we get stuff out in the open we will be able to relax more and enjoy each others company.
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#4
It's not at all unusual to get at least as much, if not more, pleasure from pleasuring a partner. If he's as jumpy as all that no wonder you are finding it difficult to climax.

Sometimes we go through the most extraordinary mental gymnastic routines before we will admit that we actually like men ... and that's only one isolated diner en route to Gaytown.
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#5
" My friend identifies as straight yet he was the one that approached me about fooling around again "

no surprise he can get off with you, it was his idea



make sure your brother has the bandwidth and if so ask your brother to extend you privacy if you have the friend over.


does your friend date girls, how does his preference play here
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#6
I can relate to 2 parts of this story.. ill first tackle the "straight" friend thing..
Me and my best friend in school began to get close at about 14 and were fooling around by 15.. it took til I was 18 to admit I was gay but he wouldn't.. he'd always instigate the sexual situations and without meaning to be blunt, he came quick he got that excited.. but we never talked about it.. he always joked "you fancy me" and I'd reply "no I dont were just having fun"
Then something bad happened in general (not between us) and we lost contact as quick as a snap.. we had little contact for a year.. then eventually I tried to.make contact.. he told me he didn't want to know me.. he then told my friend to.see me again would bring up too many emotions.. we concluded he probably loved me but was in denial.. and thats when I realised.. that I loved him and I blew my chance..

Although not entirely the same.. I think this is quite relateable and I just want you to.know I regret with.all my heart not talking to him about it while I had the chance..

Secondly..due to something I'd rather not mention I gain little pleasure from being touched.. let alone blown or masturbated Nd I derive all my pleasure from pleasuring someone else.. so its okay, you're not alone :-)
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#7
pellaz Wrote:make sure your brother has the bandwidth and if so ask your brother to extend you privacy if you have the friend over.


does your friend date girls, how does his preference play here


My friend just moved down from NY because he needed a fresh start. He lives with my brother and I as a room mate. As far as i know I am the only male he has been with. He has dated girls in the past and has had a few relationships. He is always talking about how hot girls are.
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#8
I definitely dont think the guy is straight. He's either gay or bi. He came to you with the idea.
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#9
Hacchan Wrote:I can relate to 2 parts of this story.. ill first tackle the "straight" friend thing..
Me and my best friend in school began to get close at about 14 and were fooling around by 15.. it took til I was 18 to admit I was gay but he wouldn't.. he'd always instigate the sexual situations and without meaning to be blunt, he came quick he got that excited.. but we never talked about it.. he always joked "you fancy me" and I'd reply "no I dont were just having fun"
Then something bad happened in general (not between us) and we lost contact as quick as a snap.. we had little contact for a year.. then eventually I tried to.make contact.. he told me he didn't want to know me.. he then told my friend to.see me again would bring up too many emotions.. we concluded he probably loved me but was in denial.. and thats when I realised.. that I loved him and I blew my chance..

Although not entirely the same.. I think this is quite relateable and I just want you to.know I regret with.all my heart not talking to him about it while I had the chance..

Secondly..due to something I'd rather not mention I gain little pleasure from being touched.. let alone blown or masturbated Nd I derive all my pleasure from pleasuring someone else.. so its okay, you're not alone :-)

Our storys are more similiar than you think. I met my friend in elementary school. We were like two peas in a pod. Once we hit puberty we started fooling around on his suggestion right around the age of 14. This went on for 3-4 years. We justified it because we were just "experimenting". I came from a conservative christian background so I always used to feel guilty afterwards. Even back then I was never able to get off. My senior year in high school I moved out of the trailer park and started going to church. I didnt see my friend very often after that. I eventually broke off the sex part of the relationship due to religious reasons. I graduated from high school when i was 17 and moved off to college. My friend and I lost contact after that. I was so guilt ridden I tried to kill myself my first winter out in college. I wrote my friend a letter and blamed him for getting me involved in the sex. He did used pressure me to have sex till I caved and gave him what he wanted. That is one of the main reasons we stopped hanging out.

I ran from my sexuality for ten years till I came out as bisexual last fall. My friend was supportive of me when I told him. He recently moved down here from NY for a fresh start in life and we started fooling around again. Funny that you mention about your friend cumming quick because he was so excited. My "straight" friend lasted all of five minutes our first time back together.
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#10
SleepTalker Wrote:I definitely dont think the guy is straight. He's either gay or bi. He came to you with the idea.

I havent had a chance to talk to him yet but I think he is at least Bicurious.
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