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Terminology & Symbol Primer?
I Have honestly never bought into the 'Lingo' or symbolism of the gay community. To me it is this sort of thing that tends to alienate from the generally community, and as a gay man I fit very comfortably in the general community without having to advertise any part of my life.

It's no secret that I am gay, but at the same time it isn't an advertised fact.

As for terminology like Dykes, there is a group of Lesbian women in Australia called 'Dykes on Bikes' who share their love of Harley's and motorbikes in general.

I personally don't find anything offensive about any terminology, until it is used in a derogatory manner. I'm often heard describing myself as a poofter, faggot, fudge packer, etc etc because I personally believe if you take ownership of these words they can't be used as a weapon against you. People in general have gotten far too sensitive about slang language and gone too far with political correctness and civil liberties and all that crap.

But to answer your question, the main symbols are the Raindow and the inverted triangle. There are probably loads of other symbols that are unique to different areas and cultures, as there would be with terminology.

An example 'Bumming' in Australia means nothing to do with sex, it mean's having a lazy day.

The hanky code was mentioned above, there is also a wrist band code which I think is similar to the hanky code.
princealbertofb Wrote:TNT, which one? There are many acts of gay sex...

pretty sure it's anal sex Wink
So when you say, "What a bummer!" are you actually calling someone a sodomite? :biggrin:
JK. I know what it means, lest you should think you need to explain.
GossamerMoon Wrote:RainbowMum, you wouldn't happen to be identifying with that last one, would ya? ;-)

All: So I have another question to throw in here. File it under "is it okay or derogatory?"

I haven't heard it in a while, but I used to hear "dyke" get tossed around a lot, always as a negative (therefore, it's not a word I like). But is it used in the community, or is it like calling somebody a bitch?

Does anyone have trouble with the word "lesbian"? Personally, I like "gay woman" better. Again, I'mnot sure if that's due solely to negative connotations or if I'm not the only one.


Depends on who is using it and how they are using it. I have a gal -friend (not a girl friend) who is my personal 'dike' - honestly I consider her just one of the guys. We do things together, like work on the truck, she has worked with me on some of my larger construction jobs... you know, guy stuff.

We occasionally joke around I call her a dike, she calls me prissy-boy or faggy-boy... It's actually good natured fun.

Of course if anyone else calls her a dike I'm the first to get up in their grill (assuming they are not LGBT and they use it with the wrong tone). And she would be the first to get up in their grill if they call me a fag.

So its the person and how it is used. They are, ultimately, just sounds with no real power of their own. Its the intent and how they are used that does the harm.
I'm trying to delete this draft so i can quote.
GossamerMoon Wrote:Speaking of butch... I recently heard "soft butch." Would this be a woman who is more of a tomboy, but likes a few girlie things here and there? For example, a girl who loves to play hockey (I did!) but might have a couple gypsy skirts she doesn't mind wearing (exactly two, floor length). And maybe hates makeup but doesn't mind feeling pretty once in a while?

Yes, that's close enough to being a soft butch, but allows for a wide latitude. Some soft butches wouldn't be thought of as masculine at all (though they very likely have short hair, like a guy). Example of a soft butch:

Many years ago I was very tomboyish in looks, demeanor, and activities and I was called a boi (that's spelled correctly). A lesbian boi is called a "her" not a "him," btw. At the time I wasn't called a soft butch (though I was called a "baby dyke," though my impression was I got called that for being new, not because I was a boi). I've heard that some bois are kinda like high school boys (down to casual sex, sometimes only interested in casual sex and moving on, and even adopting their own "bros before hos code"), but I'm glad to say that stereotype didn't fit me. At the time I frequently got carded even to get into an R-rated movie (even as I approached my 23rd birthday) because many thought I was a teen (and I suspect a few may have even wondered about my actual gender).

Then I hooked up with a "stud," or a masculine woman, though not as masculine as a hard butch, but more so than a soft butch (there's also hard and soft studs as well). Whereas most seem to think of a white woman when they think of a butch, most think of a woman of color (typically black) when they think of a stud, and while it seems to me that many studs are there's certainly no racial requirements for it (any more than there is for being a butch). Here's an example of a stud:

EDIT: sorry, the vid is private now and I don't have time to find another. :frown:

Note that one YT lesbian defines studs as "between butch and femme" (which I don't, and think she's actually describing a "soft butch" rather than a stud) which goes to show the definitions can change when you move (possibly even to a different clique). Also, my stud was very versatile sexually (as is frequently the case), and one who doesn't liked to be touched as a female tend to be cold "stone" or "cold" (or even both).

And that reminds me of the term "pillow princess" and "pillow queens," which are lesbians (and many bi women) who want to be pleased sexually but don't return the favor. (There are many distinctions, but the terms are too vague in my memory right now to give a clear example.) I personally think "queen" refers to an older woman and "princess" to a younger, but I'm not certain that's the case.

Sorry, but I have to go now. Remind me in a couple of days to continue this if I don't post again.

But one more thing before I go, that U-Haul vid refers to UHS, or U-Haul Syndrome, and means to move in together all too soon, which in some ways is great, but not without its risks and inconveniences (especially if the relationship doesn't last more than a few months or even weeks as many won't), and when my stud girlfriend moved in with me almost instantly after we became lovers we were said to have "U-Hauled."

And she made me femme, though on my journey I was called a soft butch...not enough time, sorry!

Ok, gotta go!
Ok, back. Confusedmile:

Another word for femme is lipstick lesbian or doily dyke.

One "between stud and femme" is a "stem."

A "hasbian" is a formerly identified lesbian who now dates men (this term got used in The L Word that I mentioned before).

Flesbian = fake lesbian. Many lesbians love to dismiss Katy Perry ("I Kissed A Girl") as a flesbian (many gay men don't care for her song "Ur so gay" as well).

Btw, many lesbians don't like the theme song for TLW (TLW = The L Word), but if a lesbian says they should've used Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" get far away from her as the dyke drama is about to fall on her like a ton of bricks. Seriously, I've seen it happen. :frown:

And the dyke drama is the drama lesbians get into. Though there are many contributing factors to this and it sometimes used to mean ANY drama between a lesbian couple, I think it's normally meant for special lesbian drama, such as what happens when a social circle of lesbians include many ex-girlfriends which make current couples suspicious when those exes go off by themselves together leading to various forms of stalking, jealousy, and other forms of drama. A particularly obnoxious form is when one tries to revitalize the relationship by inciting jealousy in her partner by coming onto someone else (I HATE this, but there are heterosexual women who like to do it, too), and in particularly deranged cases may be very complex (I've heard of relationships where one continually finds another woman to "rescue" her from abuse but it's all a ploy to get her partner jealous which can lead to violence as well as heartbreak, and such a pathetic lesbian couple can repeat this behavior over & over again, so beware of getting tangled up with another lesbian who is "trying to leave" her partner!).

Ok, back to general terms:

Another word for "soft butch" is "chapstick."

And here's a stud (who sounds to me like she just smoked some pot before making this vid Rolleyes )and another lesbian (I'm glad she seems sober and able to keep the stud on track) talking about studs:

Yeah, my stud burped and spit (not tobacco) and things like that, too. Luckily, growing up with some rough rednecks toughened me up to things like that. :tongue: Btw, studs can have long hair, though it will still likely be in a masculine style.

They also briefly touch on lesbian terms in the last half as well (including alternate words for "stud" that I hadn't heard before). It mentioned "A-G" as an alternate term for stud but I don't think they explained that it's short for "aggressive."

"Versatile" generally means switching from being a top or bottom. I think most lesbians are versatile in bed, even when they otherwise have a male/female role. Top/Bottom seems subtly different among women than men in that a top pleasures a woman (like with a strap-on) while male tops seem more about pleasuring themselves. It's a subtle difference so it's hard for me to explain (after all, bottom males enjoy being bottoms, too) but it does seem to me that if there's a clear "boss" in a lesbian relationship then the lesbian bottom is more likely to be the one calling the shots (either as a spoiled princess or as maternally dominant), whereas a top male is likely to be the boss instead (and it SEEMS to me that men are much more concerned about who's in charge than women).

To be packing is a lesbian wearing a strap-on under her clothes.

Sometimes a gay person will date someone of the opposite sex (ideally, also gay) as cover and such a person can be called a "beard." I don't think it's that common in the civilized world anymore, but I'm sure in especially conservative countries (like Russia) it's still very common ('course I don't know what their terms are). A beard can also be a one night escort to an event. I personally don't know how this word came about, but even urban dictionary lists it so I guess it's pretty commonly used (though I've almost never heard it, and despite a lesbian character in TLW using a gay man to pretend to be her boyfriend a lot, I don't recall any of the characters using the word, either).

To be able to bluff being hetero is to "pass" or "be passing."

A "gold star" lesbian never had sex with a man, and I believe a "silver star" is one who realized she was lesbian after her first sexual experience with a man and never had sex with one again.

Hets = heterosexuals.

Though I haven't heard this term in years, "breeder" is sometimes used as a derogatory term for hets, but in the last few years I mainly hear it as a term by hets themselves for those who just try to pop out as many children as they can, and by the CF ("child free" and not meant to imply the CF is gay) sometimes even use this label on anyone with even one child.

Bicurious means straight but curious or willing to engage in sex with someone of the same gender (but typically not as an actual relationship, unless it's part of a polyamorous one, and polyamory is where more than one person get into a romantic & sexual relationship together, not to be confused with an "open relationship" where you're free to hook up with others besides your partner). "Blesbian" is a bi-curious lesbian curious about or willing to have sex with men (I haven't heard this term in several years, I think it fell out of favor when women being bi became something of a fashion statement).

Biphobia is the fear or antipathy many gays have for bisexuals. There are many reasons this exists, but I think the biggest fear is that because society makes it so much easier to be with someone of the opposite gender then most bisexuals will eventually betray you for someone of the opposite gender (this ignores how irrational love often is). Bisexuals also have a tendency to be dismissed as sluts (Margaret Cho actually endorsed that view, even if only as a joke, when she shared how she had sex with a woman on a lesbian cruise and then tormented herself with, "Am I gay? Am I straight? And then I realized I was just slutty.") I think full equality will do away with a lot of biphobia.

Transphobia is a fear of transsexuals, and sometimes even of those who violate gender norms (such as queens and bulldykes).

D&D = drug & disease (as in "D&D Free").

MtF/M2F=Male to Female (also Transwoman). FtM/F2M= Female to Male (also Transman).

Ok, I'm getting tired. Maybe I'll add some more later. Confusedmile:
Wow, thank you Pix. Guess maybe I'm a "chapstick." ;-)

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