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There are no people of "same age" for me
#1
OK I try to write this as undepressive and as short as possible.

Some of you know me already, some don't, so excuse me if I am repeating some facts that I already mentioned in other threads.

I'm 40, but then again, I'm not.
I don't really care how old I am, but the point is, there are no "people of same age" for me, and that's why I feel lonely.

Let me explain...
I had my first orgasm at the age of 20. My sexual development was delayed due to a hormonal condition. I have no idea about the definition of puberty, but if it includes the discovery of the own sexuality, I had this in my early 20s, when I was already living on my own in another city, without knowing anyone. I never had someone "my age" to exchange with... while most people have friends of their same age in their puberty, I was alone in it.

Due to the hormonal condition and delayed physical development (my mental development was normal) I also looked very young, and still do, and at the age of 30 I looked no older than 18. Now I understand why no guy fancied me back then, because they probably thought I'm still a minor. Back then though, I thought it must be because I'm ugly as fuck and I got heavy depressions because of it.

Now I don't think I'm ugly anymore, but I understand it all so much better now.
In short, I never had a boyfriend or any sexual experience besides kissing.
Due to other issues, I also never had a proper job that lasted longer than a few weeks or months. My university degree is worthless, i got told from the job agency last year, which - again - gave me depressions, and now I'm at the point that I don't consider a normal career anymore for me. Career is a "non topic" for me now, so please don't recommend me to do this or that, it will only make me hate you. That's what happens with friends who keep suggesting that I should find a job - they are not my friends anymore.

ANYWAY...
No job experience, no job (finances are alright for the time being), no sexual experience, and did I mention I'm into younger guys? like 20-30? Anything else wouldn't work.

I'm a mess, because society established very tight boxes, and I don't fit into any.
I'm fine with having no job experience, I'm fine with having no sexual experience (despite missing having a nice guy by my side), but I'm not fine with having noone to talk to who's in the same situation.

I feel like everyone around 20 has achieved more in life than I did at the age of 40.
No, I don't just feel like that, it most likely is like that.

I don't care what other people think about me, if I don't meet their expectations then it's their problem, not mine, but I am lonely because I am all alone on the planet with this fucked up combination of issues, and I can't be bothered to meet "people of my actual age" because all that I will feel is getting looked down upon.

Also I'm not interested in their topics.

I met schoolmates at a birthday party in july, 2 straight couples, me in the middle, they talked about sleeping in bed together, they talked about jobs, and I had nothing to join into the talk.

I don't fit into the world of "people my age". I also don't fit into the world of 20 year olds.
I don't fit into any world. I am lonely.

And I have no idea where to find someone who fucking understands me.
#2
You do speak about your not having a job... Ask yourself, is it bothering you more than it is people you might be dating? I have a feeling you're worried about their judgement more than you should.

Not to shy away from the elephant in the room, but do you want a job? Are you able to have a job? Not trying to pry, but thinking hey if this issue that you bring up frequently here on GS is problem for you then perhaps that area should be explored.

Being into younger guys, at least from my experience is a slipperly slope, most are going to be way too immature for your tastes. They might be younger looking and most of them are going to just coming out of college or whatever and coming to terms with their sexuality.

My question is why would you not be able to date someone who is closer to your age? Is it preference?

Surely there is something you have in common with someone... I mean I'm not one to make conversation at a social event and I don't care. It is frustrating when you hear people of your age talk about buying a house or their high paying job. I think you're probably more interesting and have more to share than you give yourself credit for.

Nothing wrong with not fitting in, just make your own way. If you want to date people your own age, date people your own age, [b]quit worrying about what some stranger might think of you[b] for not having a job or whatever.
#3
Aquarius, your basic approach is to believe everything is impossible. Your only realistic choice is to work with a counselor who will help you to resolve that approach to find that some things are possible.
I bid NO Trump!
#4
Axle, glad about some of the questions you're asking, cos there might be things that I haven't thought about myself so far.

axle2152 Wrote:You do speak about your not having a job... Ask yourself, is it bothering you more than it is people you might be dating? I have a feeling you're worried about their judgement more than you should.

It could well be that it bothers me more than potential partners.

axle2152 Wrote:Not to shy away from the elephant in the room, but do you want a job? Are you able to have a job? Not trying to pry, but thinking hey if this issue that you bring up frequently here on GS is problem for you then perhaps that area should be explored.

Depends on. I would like a job that would suit me. Something creative, something with organization. Something part time that leaves me enough time to be myself. The only realistic chances that I have rightnow is sorting stuff into the supermarket shelves. Despite a university degree. And to answer your question: No, I don't want a job like that.
I'm bitter, yes, because I worked hard for that degree, for many years cos I was dealing with depressions and puberty at the same time, and I am absolutely bitter that this was wasted time and energy. But also, it is a worthless degree, because it isn't a job qualification.. just to be a translator maybe.. I studied Scandinavian Studies. I don't want a job just "to have a job", no.

I'm not disabled, but my condition means that I don't work well in stress situations, when more than one thing disturbs my thoughts, then I'm losing focus and might even become nervous and bitchy. When reading job requirements I'm closing the page as soon as I read about people having to be fine with stress situations.

So you wonder why I keep bringing up this topic... because it "defines" me in the eyes of the others.
When the first question is "what do you do for a living?" after you know someone's name, then it's - that's how I understand it - a way that people use to quickly get to know a person, something that majorly affects how they see a person. If someone asks "I'm a CEO of an international business", and his identic twin says "I'm a cleaner", you immediately have two different concepts of nearly the same person. Depending on where you stand yourself on the career spectrum, you want to get to know the one or the other one more or less. Now imagine a third identic twin saying "I'm nothing, I don't have a job", so someone is even outside of the career spectrum, how much is that affecting your "getting to know" technologies? Isn't it creating an awkward depressive silence, where the one who asked the question just didn't expect that cos it's so rare? I am feeling bad when someone asks me this question, and I don't want anyone to feel guilty for asking a normal question.

I don't suffer from having no job, I suffer from getting sorted into a box.
I suffer from being jealous on the one side (he has achieved something by his own power, he gets to travel, he maybe earns a lot of money), and I suffer from people being jealous on me on the other side (he doesn't need to get up every morning before sunrise, he doesn't have to sit all day in an ugly office, he doesn't have to work hard to survive, he has holidays all the fucking time...), or even getting looked down upon ("he didn't achieve anything in life").

At least all this is what I think is true, it could be that I'm projecting though.

axle2152 Wrote:Being into younger guys, at least from my experience is a slipperly slope, most are going to be way too immature for your tastes. They might be younger looking and most of them are going to just coming out of college or whatever and coming to terms with their sexuality.


I'm not sure. Define "immature"... then maybe I can reply. Maybe I'm immature too?

axle2152 Wrote:My question is why would you not be able to date someone who is closer to your age? Is it preference?


It's both, preference and common sense.

Preference:
When I was 12, I was into guys in their early 20s. When I was 23, I was into guys in their early 20s. Now I am into guys in their early 20s.. and I still can find guys in their early 30s attractive.
While my emotional/romantic attraction goes up until 30, the only attraction that I feel to a minority of guys my age is sexually. And guess what, I am not interested in pure sex.

The majority of guys my age doesn't interest me at all. I could as well take a woman, seriously.
I tried to educate myself to get into guys my age, but it was bound to fail. It's like trying to turn gay people straight. It won't happen.

Common sense:
As said, they might be my age on the ID, but they are not at the same point in life. I will always feel like a child compared to guys my age and it makes me feel like I am submitting myself, whereas I see myself as dominant.

It wouldn't be healthy for me to be with a guy my age. It would be complete nonsense.

On the other side though, I don't want to be a creep who hits on 20 year olds. I am well aware only a minority of younger guys are into guys my age, and among this minority, it's only a minority that isn't interested in money or career.

Conclusion: I'm hopeless. But that's why I'm seeing a counselor and soon a new therapist.
#5
Well there are plenty of younger guys who prefer older guys. I don't think that it is an issue. So if you don't have a job, then what do you do? Not meaning that in a bad way, I am literally asking that question. I mean I understand that a lot of guys, even myself would be very weary about someone who is unemployed, however it isn't the what that bothers me with people it is the why.

My advice is quit looking at numbers, age is a number. Not everyone is the same. My advice is to quit sorting people into boxes to define who or what kind of person they are, first person to start with is yourself. Quit putting yourself in the "I'm hopeless" box, or they're over 35 I'm not interested.

I can tell you what I have talked to probably 100's of guys... I might have dated maybe 25... 18 never called me back.. all in the end I ended up with none. I never broke up with anyone because they didn't have a job and if you read my posts you'll probably think that was a lie. I broke up with him not because he lost his job, I broke up with him because he had zero passion, zero will to do anything about it.
#6
So, what I'm doing:
I'm a keyboarder in a band, playing synthesizers, we have our 3rd gig next week, more gigs are planned for the rest of the year, we hope to get a record contract next year.
I took up painting again and try to get myself to a point that allows me to sell my paintings.
I'm running a website with a friend where we are blogging about the Eurovision Song Contest.
I'm visiting my parents a lot who are both around 80, and my mum is often visiting me, I spend a lot of time with her because of private reasons.
I wish I had more time to record my own music.

I will try to stop putting myself and others into boxes, but it will be hard. I think it's also a very German thing to think in boxes, more so than in America or the rest of the world I guess... but I'm not sure.

I don't want a job just to please society, or to become more interesting for men.
However, if I had a partner who manages to trigger the right keys in me, who motivates me in the right way, whether it's the right way or not is only for me to decide, I might end up getting a job.
But I only can go sort supermarket shelves for a ridiculous wage when I know that there is someone at home who loves me anyway and doesn't look down on me, no matter how bad or good his career is.
#7
My father is 50 and he's going to make his first work practice of a career he studied since five years ago (he was a cop all his life).

I'm 22 and I'm the owner of a business that I fought so hard to have since I was 18.

two things... 1st It's never late for anything, and 2nd everything you want to do in this life it's possible. if you got issues seeing the things with an positive point of view, just see story about other people's life in your free time,(documentary, books, etc.). You will be surprised on how other people was in your situation, or very similars and how they acted to change anything with few steps.

No ones have the perfect life, but the one who decide to leave it like that or change it is you.

best regards Wink


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