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Tres Rosas
#11
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I
pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father

Five minutes later.....'Da- ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad... ..'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......' Daaaa-aaaad. ....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,
come in or stay out!''

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on
microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you
teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer
said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the
boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her,
'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'
She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
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#12
First Class

For all Who Work With Rude Customers, shame We can't actually do this !


An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some
months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when
confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.


A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn
from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced
travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He
slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this
flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.


The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out.'


The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'


Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention
please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.


'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'


With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at
the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F*!!*You!'


Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit)


'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.
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#13
That was great. I hope that I have a beligerent customer where I work so that I can the same thing Roflmao
In the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't. You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair... but its the way things are. The choice is yours. ~ Zidane Tribal

Hope is comforting, it allows us to accept fate no matter how tragic it may be. ~ Yunalesca

"Απο μακρυά και αγαπημένοι παρά απο κοντά και μαλωμένοι"

There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met ~ Gonzo
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#14
XRIMO Wrote:That was great. I hope that I have a beligerent customer where I work so that I can the same thing Roflmao
You'd have an added advantage of being able to undermine such pomposity still further ... if the events followed the same script Confusedmile: I trust security camera footage, with voiceovers, will find its way on to YouTube when it happens Wink
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